Reviews for Ritual Repetition |
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Solomon Sia chapter 2 . 6/9/2012 I enjoyed this chapter! I like how you characterised Dr. Valerie with her flaws first. Somehow, the inability to drive and walk in high heels really resonates with me, maybe because I hate to be behind the wheel too. Also, I love the portrayal of the head detective Dmitriv. If he can't find his way around with a map, how does he find criminals? It's simple and well written, and the situation created is tinged with just enough ominous feeling to put the otherwise sleepy town under suspicion. |
Solomon Sia chapter 1 . 6/9/2012 A good start to the third story! I like this phrase particularly: The sound perfectly harmonized with her beating heart. It makes the hunter sound almost supernatural, yet very intimately directed at the girl. I wish I knew just a little bit more about the figure. Was it a green blur, was it humanoid? Bug fix: instead of brightening her heart |
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 2 . 6/4/2012 I like how you open up with the time at the very top of the page. I don't know why, but it made me think of those old school black-and-white detective shows and how you'd always hear a voice over start with the time and date. It was cool to see that motif in here as well, though I don't know if that was your intention. Yay, it's Xin! And I remember D. Valerie from the beginning of A Cry For Trust, though she wasn't as crucial of a character as Xin and the others involved in the Sander's case. I'm glad we get to see some more about her now. And it's really cute seeing how Mikola and Xin play together. From what it sounds like, though I could be making a wrong first impression, it doesn't seem like Mikola is on the same level as Xin's maturity, although they both appear so close in age. It's really funny to see how they both argue, especially how Mikola pouts to try and get her way, and Xin uses logic/reason. I'm also glad I got more of an understand between the relationship of D. Valerie and Xin. I had forgotten the reason he was serving her was because she saved him, so that little refresher was nice in jogging my memory and giving some information to new readers as well. lol, Dmitriv getting lost. I totally picture him as one of those guys who are too stubborn to ask for directions. Yep, definitely. Haha, my first impression to them driving into that town was of how strange it was. I like how you paid attention to the vibrant colors, because that really helped me picture this eerily perfect neighborhood. It makes me wonder if everything is just as pretty on the inside. And those people act so strange with how they come out of their houses and surround their cars. xD Makes me think they might be robots, and it also brings to mind that movie where all the wives were fake and every yard was perfect. It's funny how perfection can cause distrust, isn't it? My first reaction to personally seeing a place like that wouldn't be "Oh, I want to live here." but, "Okay, what is wrong with these people? There's no way in Hell a place this perfect can exist." Ah, it's so nice to see some of the old crew again, though I really miss S.'s sarcasm at this point. I can only imagine what he'd say about having to sleep in these people's houses. I bet he would snoop around and try to find out why everything is so candy-coated perfect. The only thing you may want to watch is how you describe the time passing for certain things as 'a few minutes' or 'a couple minutes.' A couple minutes is a long time for people to stand there looking at each other, like when the group is waiting for the leader of the neighborhood to show himself. Perhaps just 'a few moments' would be more appropriate, since trying to imagine a few minutes worth of time is difficult for a reader since they're going to keep on reading anyways. The pacing between narration and the time in the story can feel a little distorted because of this. I hope that made sense. Update soon! I want to see how S. is doing, and if he's made any headway on his search for Him. :D |
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 6/4/2012 You know, I'm not really sure what made this pop into my head, but halfway through this chapter I thought to myself, "What if this little girl is Cirasu, and this is a memory of hers from when she was a child?" I know that's most likely not the case, but I thought it was cool how I subconsciously made that connection. I think it was because I know Cirasu was a child around the time of the lamp post murders, and I have a feeling something very traumatizing had to of happened to her in her earlier years to explain why she acts the way she presently acts. However, I'm still not completely certain about her entire time-line. She's definitely a complex character. Haha, sorry, I'm already getting off track. It's just really fun reading this after already knowing most of the characters and their backgrounds - I guess I feel like I got a bit of a leg-up on your other readers. Anyway, I thought the tone in this chapter was rather morbid and scary. I really liked how you used the onomatopoeia of the footsteps to help drive up the suspense, too. It was a great device to utilize to really drive home the panic of the little girl. And now I'm wondering who this little girl is and why this person is chasing her. Does this have something to do with Him? From the way you italicize 'it,' I almost wonder if this is some type of foreshadowing that it is Him since you also italicize Him. Either way, I feel bad for the little girl. Can't wait to see how this ties into the rest of the story. I remember Sanders didn't really come into play until a couple chapters into A Cry For Trust, so I'm wondering how long it'll be before this little girl's situation is revealed. Hopefully what happened at the end wasn't her being murdered... but I know anything is pretty much possible by this point. |
mingsquared chapter 1 . 5/6/2012 I haven't finished the other story yet but I saw this and read the first chapter. I think you did an excellent job with the setting (even if it was in a basement), the feelings of the girl, and the suspense. The "it" creature also sounds scary. I look forward to reading this! |
AquariusGirl230191 chapter 2 . 5/4/2012 Hey again :) Opening - Another good opening. I was interested to find out who was and the description of her headbutting the steering wheel funny and realistic. I could picture her frustration. Although not really related to the previous chapter it still kept me interested and wanting to read on. Characters: Realistic and good dialogue. It flowed well and seemed natural. Ending - I like the last sentence as it's a good cliffhanger. It makes me want to find out more and read on. I also like the sentence "the haze of sleep descended upon her" - good description. You have a way with words. Overall - I am throughly enjoying this story. It did make sense to me what was happening and I know in the future everything will kind of tie together I can see it happening :D Very well written, as usual. I hope to read more soon! Take Care Vicky |
AquariusGirl230191 chapter 1 . 4/29/2012 Hello! So, I read your Author Notes and I haven't read the previous two stories but I could understand this prologue perfectly without doing so - so I guess that isn't a problem :) Opening - I really like the opening. It hooked me straight away. I like the descriptions of how the girl is hiding and what she is feeling with the air / darkness. Very vivid. Character - You did a good job of portraying the young girl as I could guess she was just a child before you mentioned her age. You gave me a good impression of her feelings and the terror she was experiencing. It made me want to find out more - who is she? What's happening to her and why? Plot - I was hooked all the way through. I found it riveting and I wanted to read on to the end to find out what was going on. It created all kinds of questions which I hope will be answered in your next update. Loved the ending - good cliffhanger! It was very well written and I found it very interesting. I'm struggling to find much to improve on (which is a compliment really) but if I had to be really picky I'd say sometimes the sentences felt a little repetative - such as the "there she was" paragraph - but again, I liked this part regardless and felt it added to the pace and tone of the story, so I'd keep that anyway. Sorry I wasn't of more help! Look forward to reading more! Take Care Vicky |