|Reviews for The Quest of Jonah Skylar|
| The Swan chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
This is a very solid opening for a fantasy adventure story. I won't say it's the most original, but that doesn't mean it isn't really good. You are good with language, and your descriptions are really absorbing. Besides a few spelling errors, you're very adept with grammar. The only thing you could work on is building your vocabulary a bit, to avoid repetition. The characters you start out with are excellent building blocks, since they don't have a mysterious past to speak of, and there are lots of things you could do with them if you decide to continue the story. (Jonah Skylar is a wonderful name for the protagonist; very catchy!)
| truthaboutsilver chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
(this is thetruthaboutsilver, who's currently too lazy to log in :) I'm returning your awesome review on my story Hero I Am.
You have great description, and I can totally picture the scene that happens in this chapter. I liked how you created a world that I can imagine, but still make it fantastical enough to be interesting.
My only criticism is that more dialogue spaced in between the description would be nice, since there's a lot of very long paragraphs in the beginning that sort of drone on (just a little bit :)
I also liked Lucy's sort of accent, the way she talked really help establish the setting more.
Thanks for reviewing my story!
| Soulless havok chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
The tone is well defined and it has a notable presence -more on that below.
There is, in my opinion, a bit of resemblance to J.R.R. Tolkien's work (The Hobbit, specifically) woven through this chapter. Not just the setting or the way you describe it, but a good deal of that comparison comes from Jonah's character and the tone that carries through the prose. It's got that excited, naive narrative from a more or less inexperienced narrator (this being Jonah) in the story.
Jonah is, essentially, a blank slate. A character for you to develop from scratch that the reader can easily identify with. He's not broken, maybe a little bit bitter, and he's not rambling on about how everyone mistreats him (but he does touch up on the fact that that does happen). Instead, he formulates and acts on the closest opportunity to prove to them that he isn't as worthless as they make him out to be. A young boy, a chip on his shoulder, and he's got something to prove. That's a template that everyone can more or less empathize with.
And you've done a good job selling all of this.
Something I'm not so sure about, though, is the fact that Lucy takes about half the chapter to show up with next to no mention in the narrative, but that we get all of this information about her dropped on us when she does make her appearance. You explain it away naturally, but the fact that she mocks him routinely (and a few other little details like that) would have been made evident by the dialogue. I'd say a bit less information (regarding her behavior toward Jonah) would have done just as well, but maybe that's just me.
Overall, I liked this. The prose was polished, I don't hate the characters, and the setting seems to be pretty well defined. I would read more, if there was more to read.
More an analysis than a review, but I guess that counts.
| Aistaraina chapter 1 . 4/29/2012
I think this is a really good start for adventure story. You have just the right amount of humor, not the side aching humor but I chuckled. I was imagining it as a cartoon for some reason. :)
I noticed a few small spelling mistakes but nothing that can't be easily fixed. I was wondering have you seen the movie, Howl's Moving Castle? One of Jonah's brother's names is Markel and that is also the name of a character in that movie.
My one complaint would be that I would have liked it if you had included the scene with the drunk gypsy so that we could get the specifics about the prophecy she made about Jonah. It would have been a funny scene to read.