|Reviews for The Book of No One|
| haylee.jalyn chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
First off: Your summary is decent, which is why I randomly read your story in the first place.
Second: Your opening paragraph is really good. A little cliche, but done gracefully, and it made me keep reading.
A few things:
- Watch out for how frequently you use the phrase "the boy" prior to telling the reader his name. There were a couple times here and there were it was used redundantly.
- Keep an eye on your adverb use. Not too bad in this first chapter, but another -ly or two and it would be a problem
- Typo: "needed to know some answers know." When you meant "now."
- "He smiled warmly at me..." Random first person. Who's me? A mistake?
- With an opening paragraph as strong as yours, I'd like to see a stronger closing. It's not terrible, but "after the fact" is a cliche, which you should always try to avoid (unless its used to characterize someone). But the biggest weakness is its heavy-handed, but allusive foreshadowing. You could really delete it, and the chapter would be just as good.
But overall, your opening is very intriguing. I only warn you to be careful with how much heavy philosophy you dump on your readers at the beginning. Not a problem here, just something of which you don't want to do too much.