Reviews for The End chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Okay. Holy shit. I lied. You're not quite good. You're fantastic. Holy shit. O_o
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 5/16/2012
Again, interesting poem. You've got some good ideas. :)

Your second line - should that be "buildings tilt" or "a/the building tilts"

There should either be some sort of punctuation or a stanza break between "And darkness takes control" and "

When pleasure of life"

"glows" and "control" don't really rhyme. Normally it wouldn't matter but the rest of your couplets do so it reads a little oddly.

"When the rivers run brown

And none is left in town" - I'd reword this part to make it fit into the previous sentence. Either that or again, punctuation or stanza break. Or you could try: "And the rivers run brown/washing all from the town" or "leaving none in the town" or something like that.

"When we make it impossible for the world to mend" - probably have an ellipsis after there - have more of a punchline for the ending then.
walls-have-ears chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
Really good poem, I love the way you rhyme in this.

Just a couple of things, in the second line, did you mean: 'And the buildings tilt' instead of building? Also, on line 8 did you mean 'And no-one is left in town' or 'None are left in town', so did you mean that no one is left in town or there are no more rivers left in town? Just got a little confused on that bit, but overall I really like this poem, wish it was a little bit longer, but I still really like it. Great work!
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
That's great. Now write a story so I can critique it. :P