Reviews for BladeArc
c'estquatre chapter 10 . 1/7/2013
Although I enjoyed the infodump for Viper Bite, it would have been better to show it, instead of explaining.

...I JUST REALIZED what happened to Miya?

Oni generate electricity? Wot?
c'estquatre chapter 8 . 1/7/2013
"Princess…" I said. "Yes, I promise I'll go through this…"

Errr yea, totally not nitpicking grammar.

But Nero, huh, Nero... as in Nero Claudis Germanicus? Or Nero as Nrvnsqr being 666?

So I guess Yuuto's true form is going to a seven headed dragon with a crown on each head, etc, etc, more bible quotes?

That'd be cool.
c'estquatre chapter 7 . 1/7/2013
"I am a Paladin, so maybe I can recommend this for you, Yuuto. Good in defense, offense and speed, a Paladin is also good in magic…"

This woman would fail in a MMO.

Didn't Yuuto's sword in the beginning have runes? I wonder what's the difference between that and being a Rune Fencer.

"But it has to be expected. Her opponent is that muscle guy! Of course she'll lose!"
Tense issues again.

Oni girl... Megalomania?
c'estquatre chapter 6 . 1/7/2013
Ohohohoho, so you're going full Norse Myth route, huh.

But I'm not sure how true you're staying to the legend... needs more squirrels though.

But this distortion of Yggdrasil to summon humans sounds like Lotte no Omocha.

"While walking, my head was full with stuff."

Stuff... stuff...
c'estquatre chapter 5 . 1/7/2013
TWIST, is what I said the first time I read it.
But yea, Forest of Darkness is pretty cliche. Davren on the other was very fitting and fey. Mixed feelings.

But yea, easy way for protag to get awesome without grinding, animu plotline. Gotcha.

Chapter 6 time.
c'estquatre chapter 4 . 1/7/2013
Since this was just a fanservice chapter, there's no real point in saying anything, but since I have to say SOMETHING, it's back to grammar.

"I immediately checked her pulse and sighed in relief that I could sense a soft pulse. And she's still breathing properly, so there's no need for CPR or something like that."

Tense change. Also the 'And,' and 'or something like that,' are redundant. I also use "or something like that alot," so yea, that's why I noticed that.
Lord Slayer chapter 4 . 1/7/2013
Wouldn't it make more sense for Ennis to- as an adventurer- be able to recognize what's edible rather than risking her life needlessly?

Stats, huh? Are they in a videogame? If not, then how does this world work? There's still a lot about this world that needs to be explained, especially since the Highworld seems more and more like an rpg the more we see it.
c'estquatre chapter 3 . 1/7/2013
"Letting out a final whimper, the wolf died." Redundant.

Well I don't want to nitpick prose and grammar anymore and am going to move onto more conceptual stuff, but yea, you'll catch most of those errors if you read it out loud.

But Yggdrasil, huh, the name isn't universal so I wonder how the High people learned of it.
c'estquatre chapter 2 . 1/7/2013
"and I didn't wear shoes, unsurprisingly"
"The town was much to my imagination, with merchants and stuff could be seen around the town."
More awkward phrasing.

"Ennis said before she went towards me and touched my chest. I shivered a little as her delicate, soft fingers touched my chest."
I guess, try to use stronger verbs. Instead of "went," maybe, "playfully sauntered," or "touched," into "caressed."

"but considering that you're a human with no magic circuit"
Type-Moon?
c'estquatre chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
"For the first two weeks after hearing that voice, I freaked out." Awkward phrasing.

"At first, I thought that she might be able to defeat that monster, but I was proven wrong as the giant wolf suddenly let out a loud cry." Passive construction.

This is my second time reading this I got up to Chapter 6 last time, but I felt it was better to just start again.
But yea, it's mostly redundancy and syntax errors, those two examples. What helps for those is actually reading your story out loud in front of a mirror.
Now to Chapter 2.
Lord Slayer chapter 3 . 1/7/2013
I'd like to see more character development from Yuuto. Ennis we can get a good sense of her personality. She's bossy but caring, but Yuuto still seems like he's just along for the ride.

I really like the bit of backstory. The lost ability to travel through worlds has a lot of story potential, and Yuuto's mysterious appearance works well with that. Well done.
Lord Slayer chapter 2 . 1/7/2013
I don't Yuuto's acceptance of the situation seems very realistic. He just accepts his situation asbeing real and goes with the flow without hesitation. We need to see more conflict between him and his situation.
Lord Slayer chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
I like the idea and some of the concepts so far are interesting, but OH! THE REDUNDANCIES! They hurts our eyes-es, precious! Please stop narrating back to us stuff that just happened.
TheBloodEdge chapter 28 . 12/6/2012
What Ennis meant is, can you come to Davren to join the Harem Warriors, Lynn?

Ah, some Yuunnis moment. Ah, Yuuto has a little sister who's adopted... You know what that means, right guys? INCEST! Because if there's a harem, incest is close to follow. After all, incest is wincest, right fellas? /sarcasm

And they did WHAT to Ennis mom? Ew... They killed her then-... That's fucked up.

Yuuto's new powers... So much perversion potential...

[Shadow Cloak]
Sneak into bathroom to peep on girls.

[Teleportation]
Teleport into bathroom to peep on girls.

[Clairvoyance]
Watch girls taking baths from afar.

[Zombify]
Kill hot chick then make her your slave.

[Possess]
Make hot chick your slave.

[Mind Delve]
Mind raep hot chick and make her your slave.

Now I wonder if this is the true reason Yuuto chose to become a Dark Knight...

That last line, I smell foreshadowing...

Harem statistics.

Ennis seems to be winning, the other girls should just give up at this point. But I'm still rooting for Claire!
TheBloodEdge chapter 27 . 12/6/2012
"I wanted to do them, and it's a shame that I died."

Ahaha! Is this a typo? Cause that would be the most epic typo ever!

"There are a lot of things that I am going to regret for not doing them. But what can a dead guy do? Everything's over, I'm dead…"

*spittake* Ahahahahahahaha! It wasn't a typo, it wasn't a typo!

Okay, getting nursed back to life by some girl living in the forest. Though, I do wonder if Yuuto really died. I'm speculating that right now, we're following zombie Yuuto.

Lynn's a nice addition to the Harem Warriors, she's as nice as Claire but also acts like Kamui when it comes to Yuuto and enemies.

Which brings up a little nitpicking from me. If Yuuto touches her boobs, though accidentally, she's all deredere. But if a soldier does it, probably intentionally, he's a ruffian. Geez, she was all like, 'no man touched me there before *blush*' and the second time it happened, 'fuck you asshole!' Double standards? Maybe she was already attracted to Yuuto thanks to that little conversation? Maybe. I'll go with that.

And how the hell do you pull a rifle from your skirt?

Heartwarming bits of Yuuto and Ennis. Enough to feed a man diabetes for another year! Though I did not like the repeated punching Ennis gave him. One is more than enough.

Harem statistics!

A new challenger has appeared! Lynn Runesmith the Spriggan! How will this affect the harem? She knows of Yuuto's attraction to Ennis, but will it stop her? Will it? Find out next on... BladeArc!
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