Reviews for Indecision
PotterPower chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Wow... I really like it. You have a great vocabulary :) I love the descriptive writing as well, especially in the second verse. My favourite, though, has to be the last verse, because it's the one I can... relate to the easiest, I guess. I mean it's something along the lines of what I've felt before, just put into poetry haha. Amazing :)
Drops of Dew chapter 1 . 5/24/2012
First of all, I have to say that this is a wonderful poem. Of course, there are some flaws and strengths evident here.

The first stanza sets up the situation well - especially with the metaphors of how the narrator's body is afflicted with an frozen-like condition. It implies uncertainty if not fear in making the choice and is something that many can empathize with.

The second one is very descriptive and vivid, something I can really picture and can almost feel. What I really find interesting is how short the lines are - which work for the poem in my opinion. It just makes the conveying of the emotions that much more effective and serious.

To be honest, I find the third stanza a little to choppy and strangely arranged for my own taste. However, I can interpret a changing mood from the narrator through this - panic perhaps.

"It's silver choker," - "Its" should be used instead.

"The ligament, snaps." - Admittedly, this threw me off quite a bit here. I'm not sure if this was intentional, because that could change the meaning quite a bit.

As for stanza four, I like the imagery and the ominous tone that is given off by the descriptions. It is really swaying and eloquent for readers like me.

"Burning the flesh off my skull?" - While I was reading this, the question mark somewhat threw off the tone in the way I read it. It's more opinionated, but I really was confused by the usage.

"Save black residue/Free from shine." - Those are easily my favorite lines in the poem.

The final stanza seems to leave the denouement up for debate and loose interpretation, and I really enjoy that. Leaving the matter unanswered further the indecision of the narrator.

Overall the poem is a nice balance between metaphors and simplicity. Wonderful job there.

- Murphy
DutchAver chapter 1 . 5/24/2012
Whoa. By far your strongest and best poem so far. If you ever impressed me, it is now, and I really love this - good enough to end up in my favourites anyway. It's really, really sad, but also really tense because we all want to find out very badly if your protagonist jumps or not. The fact that you leave that to our own interpretation makes this poem all the stronger.

It's rather depressing too, though, but I think I understand why so many of your poems are so down - it's simply a lot easier to write sad poems than happy ones, because happy ones turn boring so easily. Sad, but true.

Still, you should definitely keep writing. But I'm repeating myself now :)
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
I love the imagery of this! You get so into the similes and metaphors that, at a point, it stops being a literal description and gets right to the emotions. This confused me a bit on my first reading, but by the second time, I appreciated the release that brings from the literal story of the poem.

I have to say, the layout felt a little too logical. You started a stanza with something literal, then went into description, then something else literal, then imagery. It makes complete sense, but something about this poem begged for a freer form.

Strong note to end on, though. I love literary/cultural references, even something as obvious as "the yellow brick road." It brings up a whole store of connotations and associations that you don't even have to describe yourself.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
HOLY SHIT, IMAGERY.

This is beautifully gruesome. Nice job. I love the rotten flesh/acid part. Mehehehe.
thetabbykitteh chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
Wow this is so, so good.

Kitty