|Reviews for Dead Bodies Don't Cry|
| kerbear1999 chapter 1 . 5/19/2013
That's so sad but it's so good
| TheBlueSabbath chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
I adore this story
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Uh, well, I think I might have misread the title accidentally because you started talking about this person being born and I was getting ready to pull out some dead baby jokes. Alas!
I like this technique of telling an person's entire life story as a poem. I don't think I've ever seen it done before, at least not like this. The main focus, "you" (not sure if s/he is male or female, actually) is fairly well-characterized and I liked the way you followed them around from life stage to life stage because it allow the reader to see how the developed and grew up, how previous life choices and events effected later events. You tied them all together quite nicely and I liked the overall effect.
However, I wasn't so sure on your presentation. It's very dramatically written—almost melodramatic, actually. And while a person having a life like this isn't incredible, the way you've presented this does make it push credibility a little. I feel like, while you had a good idea, it didn't really pull through for me because it was almost fairytale-like in its tone and style. Like it was too fantastic to be realistic. And because I couldn't believe in this poem, it wasn't very engaging for me. It was too fantastic.
The subjects were pretty heavy too, and I felt almost like you were trying to pack everything in. Divorce, cutting, abuse, angst, etc. It was a lot to handle. And again, I'm not saying all that could never happen to one person, but the way you presented it didn't work too well for me on the whole.
I think "forced" is the word I'm looking for here.
You did have some nice turns of phrase in this, though. I liked your imagery, dramatic though it was. "dead bodies don't cry" is a good line; a little obvious and not too profound, but it has a nice ring to it. I enjoyed your word choice throughout this. It was definitely very evocative and gave weight to this.
And I liked that this was in second person. As I mentioned, it's my favorite narrative. It's also extremely hard to do well. For me, I'm not sure if this was as strong as your oil-industry flash fiction, but it was a good representation of second person poetry.
But yeah. I've already mentioned that I don't like reviewing poetry because it's so open and varied. There are a lot of styles out there and what might be my style isn't necessarily yours. So uh, I'm not saying that this is a bad poem, per se. I'm just saying that your style doesn't quite speak to me on a personal level like (I feel) poetry should.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
This was a much more emotional poem than I thought it was going to be. I think my favorite thing about is that you never specify the gender of the narrator, and I think that's really brillant. It could almost be read as a gay activist poem, actually, illuminating how hard it is to be gay in the twenty-first century too, especially with the father killing himself and everything. I guess the only indicator would be finding the girl in the public restroom, but then the way you write it makes it ambiguous that it could be a family-restroom kind of deal too, so open to all sexes, etc
But, it's also a poem that's way on the far spectrum of abuse, suicide, and death, and in that sense I did sort of find it cliche in some moments, especially with the theme of the cutting, which I found a little too angsty for my tastes, as it just reminds me of a lot of the fiction/poetry that was written in the early 2000s as part of the "emo era". It's still an important issue though, so I do like that you tackle it through this chronicle, as I think it's a tough subject to touch after that trend/era has kind of come and gone.
Nothing really surprised me after the cutting either, for instance. It just appeared like a very classic case of a sad life, so that's why I was kind of glad that you mixed things up and didn't reveal the gender of the character. It could be read both ways though, of course. One, as just a woman who is caught up in this bad cycle, the other, a man who is dealing with his own sexuality and tormented by it enough to self-harm-also the relationship with the father was much more emphasized to me than the one with the mother, so thats' why I also could read it as being a man instead of a woman.
The moment when the parents make the narrator choose between them, was a moment I found a little un-realistic though. The harshness of the parents felt melo-dramatic for me, but I did like the stanza when the father commits suicide because it was quite startling and to me, it came out of left-field so I wasn't expecting it. I like the moment with the suicide note and the line "And you'er it's to you / because it's signed "Dad."" That was a nice touch.
I like how you divided this poem into sections too, it was a good device to capture the passing of time and different phases of the narrator's life. I like how you also use the journey to show the different people the narrator meets, like the girl who punches per, and the girl who shows per how to cut. I think the way you incorporated them was also a favorite.
Loved the line about pretending to be dead after the narrator tries to speak to their mother. That was another favorite stanza, and I like how you drew from the title there too.
This poem is really great in the sense that there's a main character as a narrator, dialogue, contact with other characters, and plots with settings. It's very impressive and I can see why you would want people to look at this one as opposed to others, it's obvious a lot of work went into it and I respect your passion for weaving a story through poetry. It's something that not many people tackle, and you did a good job incorporating all those different elements that would make this more of a mixed-genre narrative poem too. I would recommend you look up narrative poetry and read some of it too, I love people who can dabble in mixed-genre work, and you successfully accomplished it here. I would encourage you to continue and try doing this with other stories as well :) I'm glad you had me check this one out, it was a treat, even if it was comprised of a tragedy.
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 6/7/2012
You really must stop trying so hard to cheer me up with these goodie-two-shoes happily-ever-after fairy tales. So much sweetness might give me diabetes.
Excuse the sarcasm, but how else can I react to such a perfectly crafted guide through a gut-wrenching labyrinth to the depths of despair? If I attempted a serious critique, I might end up an even greater nervous wreck than you've made me.
Congratulations on a superb prose/poetry tragedy.
| whisper queen chapter 1 . 6/6/2012
Beautiful. Love this.
| electrical moon chapter 1 . 5/14/2012
Wow. This is really powerful and beautifully written. I love how it's little moments and big moments interspersed to make up a life. However, I wouldn't really classify this as poetry. It's more like flash fiction.
| punctured.lungs chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
heartbreaking, and beautiful in that gritty way good poetry is.
| SirScott chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Pretty good poem. I don't read too many good ones written in the second person.
| Self-DissectedPsyche chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Shit, talk about powerful! I'm overly impressed by your narrative again; it's simplistic and incredibly gripping. I was hooked from the line, "you look around for some one to blame." That final line in the first stanza brilliantly sets the pace for the rest of the poem.
Each section stands alone perfectly, and tells the story of any number of somber souls while still maintaining its own singular life.
As well, I've know people who, like the character in your story, have endured the unique hardships of a middle class drama. Self-inflicted pains, blown up power struggles between parents and their children, feelings of inadequacy amongst their peers. Sometimes they were just whiny teenagers, but your character is not. This girl is a strong individual who's been dealt a difficult hand. While she has made mistakes, they make her vividly human. And she realizes this, at the end, and I can help but smile to know that she can still grow out of her begins.
Quite a story, thank you for presenting this. It's brilliant in a very simple, charming way.
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Oh my gosh! This just blows my mind! It was sad yet, leaves me wanting more! I love this sooo much, outstanding job, Keep it up .
| continuous brevity chapter 1 . 5/5/2012
Wow, I really loved this one. I like how it reads like a story and it just broke my heart the whole time. Beautiful!