|Reviews for Children Of Combat|
| Haradria chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Well, I noticed a substantial amount of grammatical and spelling errors in this story, which were pretty distracting to the entirety of the story, but I'd like to address a few things here.
First off, the plot isn't bad; it's got some good ideas and content, and you obviously know a thing or two about weapons for combat, but the writing is much more "tell" rather than putting the reader in a place to feel and empathize with everything. The concept of children turned into soldiers is something I vastly enjoy, so I had hoped to get a good feel going for this, but between the grammar and misspellings it was extremely difficult to get into the story. Every paragraph contains numerous examples of this.
Your descriptions of characters were extremely forced and broke the hesitant flow in story that you managed to establish; I literally skim-read the entire section describing each of the Red-team characters because it was boring and excessive. Also, the entire introduction explaining each character was very distracting to the story; not only did I find myself re-reading the descriptions later within the story, but I couldn't remember names because I lacked the ability to really know the characters or relate to them in any way. It also took away from the story-telling, in which you'd usually learn all these details within rather than before hand.
Your dialogue, actions and other things which the characters did lacked any urgency. Rather than reading it, feeling that things were about to get intense, and trying to decide what would happen next, I already knew everything would work out, things weren't that bad, and it would be over soon.
You might want to consider getting help with editing your story, because it's not all bad. You just need to work on some basics, which an extra pair of eyes can help with (catching misspellings, grammar, etc.), and then strengthen your descriptions and plot so the reader can get to be more connected to your story.
On a side note, it was bothering me that the Russian's name was Ron Anderson. It's not Russian at all.
I hope this didn't seem like I was flaming, but I tried to give as good of feedback as I could without going into extreme detail. Good luck on future chapters!