Reviews for Destiny
K.R. Dolan chapter 2 . 5/12/2012
As you said first person is definitely your strong suit. This chapter had a lot of feeling to it and I very much enjoyed reading :) I'm impressed with how much the writing changes when you switch between siblings. It makes them more believable and shows you understand character depth. Yes this chapter was good xD
GluttonyFang chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
Very interesting. The protagonists and the antagonist are introduced at the first chapter. Short exposition and quick approach to climbing action are precursors to a good story.

I can see this story develop into romance and adventure.

Favored*
K.R. Dolan chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
"Kidnapped by the devil" is what ultimately drew me to this story :b I love stuff like that. Needless to say it's a pretty good idea that you have all the room in the world to run with and still keep it fun.

I think there's a few things that would help you to keep in mind while writing though.

-Trust the reader with your character designs.

-Show, don't tell.

-Less is more.

-God knows I'm an artist first and a writer second so I know how hard it can be when you've got an awesome character design and only words at your disposal to bring them to life. The thing with literary works is that your character's personality, mannerisms and actions are going to be far more important than their hair color. Giving your reader a quick description of what the characters look like with a short paragraph or dropping little bits of information along the way is great if not necessary. Just keep it to a minimum. We don't need to be constantly reminded what they look like. Unless a physical detail is important to the situation at hand trust your reader to construct a vision of your character.

-I see a lot of the author talking. It's not bad but it has a way of making the reader very aware that they're reading instead of pulling them into the world you've created. Take for instance this line: "When Kumani was about five and Anthony eleven, their parents met. Anthony's mother was shopping..." The way this is presented is pretty distracting and I have to wonder just how important the information is. Is this going to be an important plot point later on? Will the readers be totally lost without knowing exactly how their parents met? Or will the readers be just fine only knowing that the two are step siblings? If the information is vital then present it in a way that makes seem presented by the world and not the author. Let's say they have a conversation about it, or a character is reminiscing about the meeting or maybe it comes up later in the story when the parents are actually involved.

-As I said earlier there are questions to ask yourself about the information you put into the story. Is it unnecessary? Have I mentioned it before? Will the reader understand the story without it? If the answer to any of these is "yes" you could probably do without it. There are some exceptions and tricky bits though. Let's say there's a conversation going on that isn't really necessary but it's going to reveal parts of a character's personality without the author having to point it out. That's a situation where the scene or information would be better kept.