I wasn't quite sure what to expect when reading opening this story up, however the summary intrigued me so I decided to give it a shot.

I was pleasantly surprised.

You are a very talented writer, I did notice a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but I'm sure you'll catch them if you go back and rewrite for a final time. They aren't anything major. Just an extra e on me or something of the like.

The imagery and detail in this was really good, and you did a great job of showing not telling.

Good Job

I liked the way you put so much depth into a character in such short time. The introduction really drew me into it all, which is weird in my case. In other words: I really liked it.

I've never read a slash, heh. But after reading the first chapter, you really drove me into this. Awesome!

Uhurm. Now the typos. "Him and I." Wouldn't it be something like "He and I?"

I loved the setting. Loved the introduction. Really awesome!

Good Luck with the rest of the chapters... too bad it's slash. Otherwise I'd read it... heh.

Ahhh! So good! I hope you are still writing this.
This really... unique. Well, I've never read a story quite like this one, although it kind of reminded me a bit of the last Hunger Games book. I don't know if you'll understand what I mean by that -just the rebellion idea with the cruel 'guards'. It's a good thing :)
Really enjoying the way you write, the swaps in narrative are really working for me. :) And Olson's flashbacks.
Eh, it's ALL good. :D

I think the best thing about this story is that youve made the future I have so much depth, the parts about how humans always presumed that society would get better was really good... I may be slightly biased towards that view point though as Im slightly cynical about the state of society now :P
I think that the characters show a bit of complexity and I am interested to see how the personalities develop as the story continues especially the reasons why Nye telling about being his brother and also more of Jeps reasoning :D

We need more of this too. I have missed Olson & Jep. This is wonderful. The pacing and action is just delightful with great flow...

I like how we finally have Jep save Olson because it was taking a pretty long time. I however disliked the fact that there is such a huge gap in between the two POV'S Because Olson Pov could be a halluncination or real and this makes it ambigious. Overall, good story. I hope you edit it and make more chapters.
-Seven, Review Marathon(Link in my profile)

I like the twist at the end of this chapter because it was unexpected and blew me away. I also like how Olson is slowly losing his mind to the unknown own chemicals because it shows that he has a weakness in his plans and his life.

I like how Olson is not scared of these men who antagonize him because it shows a strong growth in his character. I also like how Jep's mom is blind to the fact he is gay because she can't admit that her son is gay it shows that she is a greatly flawed woman.

I like how Olson has memories while he is fighting conscience because it gives him a unique back story which few characters have. I also liked that he would die before he will deal with his corrupt government because it shows his moral views on society.

I like how Jep lose all of his friends for protecting the man he loves because it shows that even though he is rich, he is not a bad guy. I also liked how the chapter ended with a cliff-hanger because it made me wonder if Olson is alive or dead.
-Seven, Review marathon(Link in my profile)

O.O This story is soooooo good! Iv'e been reading since this morning and I just love the characters & everything :3 Update whenever you can! _

Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

Aww heck yeah! XD Man, I love Jep. Yeah, I said it. He is just so real! I mean, there is no other way of putting it. He is everything human and squishy and he's all the fears and emotions and other things wrapped up into one package. He makes this story that much easier to connect to. Like, if it had just been Olson the whole time, I'd still be into it, but I'd feel like a giant eyeball staring down as the ants scurry around in a panic. Jep brings my eyeball self down to ground level and makes me understand and feel everything. It's so fun. This chapter was so fun.

Another thing I really liked was that the ragbag team was not very professional at all. XD I can see how that would have something of an effect on Jep's loyalty and whether or not he thought he could go through with the plan. But still, the fact that two people didn't show up, and then everyone was kind of wary from the get-go added a touch of "Oh, no" despair to the whole situation. It just made me think that nothing was going to work and that Jep would bail at the last minute...

And then Jep and Nye aren't even the ones that find Olson. I thought that was very clever, them not being the ones to find Olson. I always find it very strange when there are groups of people, but it somehow always falls to the main protagonist to find what ever it is that needs to be found. Like, if that was going to be the case, what was the point of the group? But again, having Joan find Olson also helped add to the suspense and drama.

I'm glad they got Olson back. Now whether he'll live is the true question. Awesome work, keep it up! :D

Velvet.

Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

I enjoyed this chapter. Not that I mind the others, but this one had a lot more juicy tidbits in it. And the ending, what! xD I was almost disappointed to get to the end. At least there's one more chapter, but then I will have to wait, and what if I am falling over in my seat, and...!

Oh man, so I thought it was awesome that Jep just got up and walked out of class. Actually, I thought you handled the classroom situation with flying colors. That's what really made the scene for me: the other students. I could just see how this was disruptive to them; the sight of a disruptive student in an otherwise perfect system can be so embarrassing. That's what makes reading this story so fun, because you utilize real-life situations to their utmost potential and that draws the average reader in because most of us know what that's like.

On Nye: I can't tell if he'll be a reliable ally yet. He's definitely more concerned about Olson than Devin, though. That makes me wonder why Devin doesn't seem to be as involved in the fate of Olson as Jep and Nye are. Or maybe he is, but he doesn't have strong enough convictions in himself. Hmm. I think the introduction of Nye has sort of worked as a catalyst of character development in some aspects. I like that he's done that for the plot: given Jep and the readers new hope for Olson's rescue.

Some mistakes:

[They're loosing me.] losing

[I don't want to go out there, especially know.] now

Fantastic chapter and a wonderful cliffhanger.

Velvet.

Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

D'aww, poor Olson. I really like that he thinks he can die via willpower alone. XD That's very Olson of him. In any other character, I'd probably see it as them giving up the will to live, but in Olson it's a single-minded determined-ness to live and die when and how he wants. That's what I very much like about him as opposed to Jep. He has no one above himself to answer to.

It's weird that Jep and Devin didn't really do any book mending, haha, but I did like the interaction between Jep and his mother. He's becoming quite antagonistic, it's an interesting development. I also thought it interesting when he asks where his father is and not his dad. The disconnect there is very evident and it makes me wonder how things are going to start to pan out for Jep's family life. Getting involved with the Underground has certainly changed him, but for better or worse is all relative at this point.

Velvet.

Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

That's right, I'm back! :D And oh, how I have missed this story. I'm going to go right off the bat and start with the one thing I didn't like. It's the scene where Jep decides to help Devin with the books. I can only hope that some good will come of it, but it does worry me that Jep went from having a panic attack about Olson to resigning himself to mending books. I'm sure he'll still be thinking about Olson no matter what he does, but why was he so quick to take up the work? It just felt like a sudden deviation from the immediate problem, like a big middle finger in Olson's direction because he screwed himself over again.

On a different note, why can't Olson's mind be as interesting as Jep's? xD Jep's point of view is just so fun to read since he's always panicking. I liked the scene where he's in the square and just spinning around like a confused child. I feel like Jep is more relatable in that regard because he definitely expresses more emotions than Olson does. Not that Olson does, but Olson makes me think of a timid puppy half the time so all I feel is "d'aww" for him. The things that Jep does, I see myself doing, like spinning around in public because I am lost. XD

Awesome chapter. :D

Velvet.