|Reviews for Rearden: Desert Fire: May 2011|
| Ghost Divsion chapter 2 . 7/18/2012
It was certainly interesting. However, you seem to use a lot of terms relating to things about ranching and horses, so you might want to explain some of those things. I'm also assuming that the footnotes at the end are supposed to be music that is supposed to go with the story, very unique. However, I feel some of the dialogue is very stiff, especially for ranchers, though that is personal preference. Overall, I feel that it's OK, but not for everybody.
| professional griefer chapter 2 . 7/14/2012
Hmmm. I'm not sure of how I felt about this. There were some parts I thought were funny, like Rearden referencing Shakespeare.
The dialogue was very stiff and unnatural, for the brothers at least. It just felt like they were adults in a business meeting, so just try to work on that.
I also felt like there were far too many characters to keep track of, especially since their names are so similar. I would suggest either cutting down on the number of characters or making their names more different.
The action was good, I felt it was very clear, but would have been easier to follow were there not so many people.
Good job, but do work on the dialogue.
| HeroofEnelios chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
I like the length of this chapter! Since last chapter was rather short in length this one makes up for it. Lots of unique characters and great interaction between them.
I do also like the descriptions in this chapter, great job.
Looking forward to more!
| HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
This is certainly a good read. Great flow from sentence to sentence. And the summary offers an interesting premise. I gotta say the part with mention of a cake made me a bit hungry for cake. XD
Great start for sure!