|Reviews for Neige|
| Miss De Lune chapter 1 . 1/13
I saw on your profile you were English so I answer in this language, hoping not to make mistakes, it will be more simple for you tou understand me. :)
Indeed, there are some mistakes in your text, and if I can advice you, showing what you write in French to a French person, or someone of your family/among your friends who speaks French, to improve yourself.
To help you, I noticed some mistakes:
"Mon coeur ne me passer de ce lieu" in this sentence for example, you forgot to conjugate the verb "se passer", the correct sentence would have been "mon coeur ne peut se passer" to explain that it really cannot, or "mon coeur ne se passe pas de ce lieu" just to say that it do not live without this place.
"avez-vous devenu aveugle à moi ?" the right sentence would have been "êtes-vous devenus aveugle pour ne pas me voir ?" you cannot say "à moi" because "aveugle" doesn't need anything then. And it's an adjective, so you use the verb "être", to be, and not "avoir" which is more "to have", or is used in the composed tenses. Is it clear ?
"Je me poser sur votre épaule et vous me chasser" you also forgot to conjugate the verbs, we always conjugate them with the person that is used, here it would have been "je me pose" and "vous me chassez".
There are some others but by learning this, you will improve yourself, I think ! :)
This review was offered during the Week of the Review, organized by "La guilde de l'original", a French-speaking forum of FictionPress !
| wolvesdrinktea chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
On your bio it says you're from the UK too, so if you don't mind I'll just review in English haha So far I'm only a student, but one day I hope to get a degree in Translation (specialising in French) & have joined this site to try to improve my level, as well as discovering some brilliant pieces of literature such as yours Still, I'm lazy & read mainly in English xD Ugh, I'm getting off track. Sorry about that, attention span of a gnat etc. ._." This is a beautiful piece, I really loved the characterisation as it were of the seasons. You show a lot of promise, so keep writing! :3