Reviews for Mountain Dawn
Deranged Dairy Products chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
This was a very clear piece in regards to its flow. I enjoyed how I was able to feel the action along with Theo thanks to some good adjectives, and the ambiguity of the story's background worked nicely.

I'm unsure what I think of the ending, though that's often a good thing. Getting the reader to ponder is always an accomplishment, but I just can't shake the feeling that Theo's relationship with the mountain arose and concluded itself a bit abruptly. I enjoyed the mother's story, but I feel like I could use a hint or two extra just to attach myself to the spirituality and comfort Theo discovers in the end. I feel detached from his thinking, but perhaps that's because I lost my spiritual side long ago.

Anyway, you've got a lovely style and you certainly can establish time and place well. Nicely done.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
so did he lke become the storm or did he BECOME the strom? if he had sex with the 4 bros he woulda been ok.
the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
Beautiful. I would go so far as to call this flawless. Usually I like knowing what's going on when I read stories (especially short stories because they run the risk of being underdeveloped), but here I didn't feel like I needed to. The information you gave was enough to evoke emotion in me, and that is all that matters as far as I'm concerned. Impeccably paced and plotted, this is an example of where less is more.

Great work!
Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
What a nice submission.

I think the ending is very strong. This is a very sad story, but the ending is bittersweet. The memories included throughout the piece really build Theo's character.

My favorite element may be the mountain man's quote. I love how you didn't reveal the full quote when it is first introduced, and then it is finished when Theo has accepted that he will die. And I especially love the bit about the thunder being the mountain talking to the boy.

I think the descriptions of the forest and the storm are superb. It perfectly adds to the atmosphere... alternating between the present's storm and his sunny memories.

Another great piece from you, Lyra. Good luck in the WCC!
A. Gray chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
This was an interesting little story and a great submition for the WCC. I liked how you brought us back to the boys life giving us something to identify with as the boy seemed so detached from his situtation. I thought that was a little odd, but I guess you can expect him to be a little odd considering his birth. I loved the mystery you left us with at the end. I some how see this boy not dying, but then I do.

Very well done, and good luck!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
I think my favorite thing about this was the ending :) I like how you made it really sad the whole time but then I would argue the character does get a little bit of redemption there. I also liked the spiritual/mountain aspect of this, it was great and I think you took the prompt in a way where I could actually see it in my head even though you don't describe it, so I liked that part too! The mystery of the prisoners and what was actually going on was well done, I didn't feel cheated by the end and I liked the mystery that surrounded it, especially the world too. It reminds me of Bay in that sense, where it's kind of this other-world that's very similar to ours but different...don't know if I'm describing that well, haha.

Anyway, I also liked how you wove in that memory with his mother, I think that really pulled things together for his character and allowed me to get a good sense of him in such a little amount of time too. It all worked together quite well. The pacing was good, it wasn't really fast because there was almost no dialogue, but it was steady and it wasn't slow, I think it helped with the idea of the guards and the oppression going on, it really makes you want to continue reading. Overall, good job with this and I really enjoyed the prompt this month too, so thanks for that :) Best of luck in the WCC!
thetabbykitteh chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
Okay I love the story line in general, especially the begining and ending. The descriptiveness in the story is also great. Overall loved the story.

Kitty
22 | « Prev Page 1 2