This is really good. The words used are brilliant and you had me making pictures in my head, which I enjoy very much about a persons writing. I hope you continue the story, you got me hooked. Keep up the marvelous work! :)

As always, keep writing!

-Shauni

I've enjoyed this so far, I really like the way you write. The description is really lovely, especially in the first chapter, and especially the first paragraph.

There were a couple of little mistakes in the speech punctuation in this chapter, such as:

["No, Just lying here, thinking." she replied.] should be ["No, Just lying here, thinking," she replied.] with a comma rather than a full stop, because it's all one sentence. Aaaaand...

["Let us not dwell on this",] should be ["Let us not dwell on this,"] because the punctuation always comes inside the speech marks.

Hope that helps a bit, sorry to be a pedant :) Anhoo, I've enjoyed this so far and I'll be looking out for updates.

Hi, I wanted to say thanks for reviewing my poem and well just wanted to see what you had written and I wanted to say I really liked this so far its just amazing and its like im actually in the room seeing this unfold and I can feel your wife's sadness,im not old enough to have children nor a husband but im sure when I reach that age where my children go out onto the world I will feel a deep sadness too.

It is really good - this chapter somehow reminds me of the first section of John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men; I wonder if you have ever read it?

The chapter is missing something. I'm not sure what, but there a little spark which just needs igniting for the story to be brilliant. For now, it is just really good.

This is well described but I would have liked to know more about the characters, to know what they looked like and their actions. When I think of romance stories (of which I tend to read a lot), I think of not only the scenery but the characters - of their thoughts, actions, and relationships. The whole picture.

But for your first try, this was good... Nicely described.

Hey

Opening: Love the first sentence. Great description. I love the phrase "the sun emblazed the eastern skies of August" - brilliant.

Character - All though the man was not described in great detail - as in appearance wise - I still got a great feel of him. He seems like a gentle soul, caring, loving. There's a sadness there for his wife, obviously.

Overall - I don't normally read romance (if you read my stuff i'm more into thriller) but it's very good. Moving and well written, good descriptions. I look forward to reading more!

Take Care