Reviews for Across Two Worlds
unemployed-joy chapter 10 . 9/16/2012
What I liked: Haha, I like the single girl alone in a group of men aspect. That's always fun to read. And, this line stuck out to me, 'I always enjoyed teaching others new things.' Definitely in line with the type of character you've built up. If you couldn't tell, I'm a stickler for character development, and if some new trait seems out of line with the old built up traits, then I am the first to point it out. But, I think having a love of teaching falls in nicely with the aforementioned traits of compassion.

Suggestions: That said, just be careful not to make your protagonist (and love interest, for that matter) too perfect! If they are, it comes across as not relatable. Fuck them up a bit, heh. Although, I'm only on chapter ten, so it may very well be forthcoming.

Monk, via Review Marathon
unemployed-joy chapter 9 . 9/16/2012
What I liked: So, I meant to say this a couple chapters ago, but this actually has some laugh out loud moments. I think it's so cool when a high fantasy story can actually blend the genre together with some comedy. The whole "Hold on!" "I'm trying!" exchange was very clever, and it gives us another side to your protagonist-she's compassionate, and she's *also* witty. Makes her a fun character to read.

Suggestions: Based on the story summary, I can see that this is a romance. It may turn out differently, but so far I'm not entirely sure if I can see the chemistry between Sebastian and Alice. He seems interested in her because he knows she's from another world, and she seems interested in him because he's handsome and a motherfucking knight in shining armor. That's definitely swoon-worthy, but I'd suggest maybe building up the chemistry a bit more. Does she admire his bravery? That he seems to be just as compassionate as she is? Something to think about!

-Monk, via Review Marathon
unemployed-joy chapter 8 . 9/16/2012
Aaand. I'm back. Day three of the Review Marathon.

What I liked: Hard to describe, but you have a good way of differentiating characters. Like, they all talk differently enough to the point where I can tell you've put thought into each one of them. That really brings them alive to a reader. To me, there's nothing worse than when all the characters talk and walk the same way. Also, I can start to really tell that you come into your stride with these later chapters (later in the sense of, not the first three chapters). I don't know, they just seem more well-crafted and put together. So aside from checking over for grammar and spelling again and anything else I may have suggested previously that can be applied to any chapter, I don't have too many suggestions for this chapter in particular!
unemployed-joy chapter 7 . 9/15/2012
What I liked: Ok. So, much as I'm a sucker for Other World fantasies, I love action scenes. More than that, I love action scenes that involve magic and creatures. Both of which are in here and done well. A person-beast? Yes please. Also, the plot thickens, and it's enough to make me wonder how it all comes together. Awesome.

Suggestions: I don't have any for this chapter! I think it's strong.

Onward!

-Monk, via Review Marathon
unemployed-joy chapter 6 . 9/15/2012
What I liked: Oh, shit. You really did just kill off a character, didn't you? Did not see that one coming. If you couldn't tell, I really like stories that can surprise me, and I didn't think this one was setting up to be the type of story where people get torn apart (relatively speaking). But, proven wrong again. Nice!

Also, I like that we're getting to see what kind of character Alice is. We could tell from the very first chapter that she was compassionate-she stood up for Sarah. And, I like that you're continuing and developing that idea of compassion with the plot point of care-taking. And when compassion is in the face of 'not having a clue what I'm doing', that makes it a stronger characteristic to me.

Suggestions: Think about pacing! It seems to drag at points, and I return to my earlier suggestion that we don't necessarily need to see everything as its happening. Scene changes really mix up the pace of a story, and I've noticed so far that within the chapters, there are no broken up scenes. I'd definitely suggest trying out different combos of scene mash-ups and see if there's one that feels right.

Onwarrrd.
-Monk, via Review Marathon
unemployed-joy chapter 5 . 9/15/2012
What I liked: Dragon is a man is a dragon. Yes. I love it. Definitely was not expecting that (although, maybe I should have from the summary. Maybe not-it's vague enough, in a good way). Also I'm really into the world-building so far. I always like it when protagonist is sucked into another world and it comes to light that they haven't been the only ones. Adds some mystery. Like the knight's back-story, too.

Suggestions: Not really understanding Alice's strong reaction to figuring out that knight knew she was from another world. Seems a little odd. So my thinking is either fear and a need to put space between them isn't the right emotional reaction to go with, or it needs to be explained better ;)

-Monk, via Review Marathon.
unemployed-joy chapter 4 . 9/15/2012
What I Like: Yes! Interesting plot. Tending to a dragon? Neato. I'm totally into that. And it's not something like I've read before, which I'm always into. Novelty is a precious commodity, especially on a website that is SO saturated with EVERYTHING like FPress. That feeling of filler that I had from the previous chapter is not here at all, which is a good thing. Same praises as before-good imagery, good moving things along.

Suggestions: Aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar, I've got nothing this time.

Moving on.
-Monk, via Review Marathon.
unemployed-joy chapter 3 . 9/15/2012
Ooh. Nice. Dragons and a medieval world. I'm such a sucker for those.

What I liked: you have a really great sense of imagery. You can really describe the environment and the people around the characters with enough description to give the reader a clear picture in their head, but it's not overly labored or detailed that it drags down the rest of the writing. It's quite nice, actually, and it was especially apparent in this chapter. It's something that I personally have a hard time with in my own writing.

Suggestions: So, this chapter definitely has two scenes. And they're both important in two different ways. The first one (bath and maids) is important for world-building, and the second (breakfast with the men) is important for introduction to characters and plot advancement. The balance seems to be off between the two scenes, though. My personal preference is to not read everything necessarily as its happening, so maybe an idea to try out would be to work on blending the two: world building while the plot advances. Maybe Alice is sitting at breakfast and listening to the conversation around her or her hand is being kissed or whatever WHILE she's ruminating on how weird and otherworldly this morning was with the bath and maids and giving some details there.

And then, boom. Dragon. Love it.

-Monk, via Review Marathon.
unemployed-joy chapter 2 . 9/14/2012
All righty. Here we go.

What I liked: You have a strong sense of imagery. Especially the bit about the moon. I loved the idea that it's multi-colored and broken. I think when it comes to 'we're in a different world now', that is an especially unique idea that I haven't read anywhere else. Also, it's just such a striking image that I can't stop thinking about it! Kudos.

Suggestions: your protagonist is far too calm for falling into a world of knights and dragons, I think. It doesn't come across as entirely relatable. Either she's freaking the freak out all throughout the chapter and then there's one solid point of acceptance, or she's in a dazed dream-like state and is ok with not knowing what's happening. It kind of sways between the two.

I'm invested now. Onward. If there's a delay, it's because I've gone to bed and will continue tomorrow ;)
-Monk, via Review Marathon.
unemployed-joy chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
Hiya! This is a review powered by the machine that is the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile).

What I liked: Since it was the last thing I read, that last line is killer. I love it. The whole chapter is about such normal things like school and homework, and then BAM. Dragon. That's really awesome, and a great way to hook people in and get them to click the 'Next' button ;)

Suggestions: Honestly, I've read the conflict of 'mean girl squad, mean teacher, mean parents' angle too many times for it to feel like anything but cookie-cutter. The twist of Sarah at the end macking on David while trying to get Alice to ask him out was nice and unexpected. If you cut out the others and spent more time on that specific conflict, I think it could definitely set your story apart from others.

All right. Next chapter, here I come.
Biophosphoradelecrystallumine chapter 20 . 9/7/2012
I have been reading this on my phone since the original, and I must say I love where you are taking this! Your writing is amazing, and I cannot wait until I find out what comes next.
aan chapter 20 . 9/4/2012
Awesome chapter. Can't wait to read the next!
Guest chapter 20 . 9/4/2012
Pleaseeee update soon!
Guest chapter 20 . 8/31/2012
I was thinking about this chapter, and I've come to the conclusion that Talasin is the Beast. A really handsome, dangerous Beast. While Alice is Beauty. When he tells her to go, it was just like when Beast told Belle to get out when he caught her touching the enchanted rose. Very clever. But how will Talasin fight off Alice's "wolves"? And will he even save her? Please update soon!
Guest chapter 20 . 8/31/2012
Omg.. OMG! MATE? MATE? How can this be? Save her! Save her Talasin! . its so cruel that you left that chapter there. Please update soon. We need to know what happens next!
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