|Reviews for Death Callers|
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 13 . 1/20/2013
Another interesting chapter. Through the atmospheric description you generate a good sense of suspense, so Kaydynce's predicament seems very real and serious.
At first I was a little bit confused that this was from Kaydynce's POV, although I guessed it before her name is mentioned it's probably not a big issue.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 10 . 1/19/2013
The names of the last two chapters had me freaking out. I was like ASDFJLLH NO WHOS GONNA DIE NOW. A few typo errors, but I am seriously getting sucked into this story. I love the plot.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 8 . 1/13/2013
Oh no! Kaydynce! D: I found a great chunk of this chapter confusing, was Kaelin dying, was she having a Death Call, or a dream, flashback, something? I got really confused there. xP This story is still REALLY good, the pace is starting to pick up. I didn't find too many errors, but I do think some sentences could have been mixed into a whole paragraph. There's too many stand alone sentences.
| BloodWillSpill chapter 4 . 1/10/2013
You used "deny my feelings" in back-to-back sentences. It seemed kind of weird. Like maybe you could''ve said ignore instead of deny. She said she let her hand fall on kaydynce. It doesn't sound like it hurt. The lack of commas are a bit still distracting lol. But nice move Kaelin; kiss a girl right after a succubus almost kills someone! Still good chapter.
| Sombrette chapter 1 . 1/8/2013
I'm very intrigued on how you are going to expand on the death call because as of right now, I have no idea what it is and usually I try and guess these things but there's just nothing to hint at it. I think you could give a little more insight on call, though I think you might be purposefully keeping it out of the first chapter for suspense and that's a good way to go since it's working ;) I'm also curious to see what the banshees' responsibilities are, as well as their traits and 'powers' I guess.
So, I will say there are a few things here that have me very iffy about it though. [I looked even more stunning with my long dark brown hair, pale blue eyes, and curvaceous body. My classmates had thought of me pretty before, but now I was gorgeous.] - this had me wincing as soon as I read it. I get that as a banshee she's suppose to be pretty, but this seems overdone.
Also, you should ease her looks into the story. The fact that she acknowledges that she's gorgeous is a turn off. It just seems very stuck up and you want the readers to relate with your character. So it might be better if you use scenes to describe her looks instead of just giving it off like that.
...I threaded my fingers through my lengthy dark hair.
...the moonlight shone heavy from the window, making my blue eyes even paler than usual. - These are just random examples though.
The other thing, she fell asleep while walking? lol I snickered at that... didn't think it was possible. But maybe she's secretly narcoleptic! lol jk. The scenes with Kaelin were a bit strange only because it seems really odd that she would be so receptive to his touch literally minutes after meeting him. It seems rushed and I think that could be prolonged a little more. Overall though, I like the writing and the suspense. It's very clear and the description is done well. Bravo so far :)
| BloodWillSpill chapter 3 . 1/7/2013
The opening line had me smiling. I immediately thought period. In Aaron way, you've drawn a parallel between the two; the first steps to maturity. Not sure if you planned this but that was my impression. Comma is needed in "when you are ready (,) join the fun before it ends."
And what a cliffhanger! So the italicized text was a premonition, right? Awesome job!
| BloodWillSpill chapter 2 . 1/7/2013
For starters, Aislin sounds sexy. I love a character that's proud of her looks! Despite the chapter being tame, I liked that you took a backseat to describe Aislin to the reader. Really good imagery!
One problem I caught: "It may hurt at first time heals all wounds" Um, what? I think a semi colon would work just fine. Otherwise, great!
| BloodWillSpill chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
I like the story but one thing annoys me (actually a lot of stories on this site have this problem). What's with the weird-ass names? What the heck is Kaydynce and Teagan? I was just frustrated that I couldn't pronounce the name. Now if it has some meaning in another language, that's cool and creative on your part. But it feels like you only picked that name for the sake of being outlandish and different. Your character's actions should show their uniqueness, not their names. But I suppose they're used to differentiate between the banshees and regular humans.
Anyway, your writing is solid and your plot is interesting. I'm glad I read it!
| Kay Iscah chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
A banshee protagonist is interesting, but the relationship feels rushed and forced. Also strange to have her fall asleep unless this guy has hypnotic powers, which is possible in a story like this (golden eyes), but otherwise seems kind of pointless.
I get that she would be upset, but the teacher frightened her more than he injured her. Why not go to the principle and report this highly innappropriate conduct?
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 7 . 12/26/2012
Really good four chapters that I just read. I will probably end up finishing the story by tonight, as I have nothing to do and I am very much sucked into the plot. Am I the only one not wanting Kaelin to die? As I mentioned before, Twilight has ruined vampires for me, so if he does have to die I would appreciate it not being by a vampire. (: I found a very errors and run on sentences, but it's no biggie and doesn't seem to bother me. I would honestly hate being a banshee. The pacing of this story is nice, it isn't too slow nor too fast and it keeps the reader reading. Thumbs up, once again!
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 3 . 12/25/2012
When I read the summary, I really didn't think this would turn out to be all that good, but by a qaurter way through the first chapter I was hooked. The plot to me seems fairly original, I've never read a story on the life of a bansee before. I like how this all ties in with the Irish legend, I do not live in Ireland but my family is of Irish decent, and I will admit I'm quite scared I'll run into a banshee. There were just a few little errors in the first three chapters, nothing to gripe about, but at the end of chapter three I was a little grumpy by the mention of vampires. Overall amazing job.
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 12 . 12/16/2012
The interactions between Aislinn and Kaelinn here are cute.
I like the cliffhanger, too- I'm interested to see what Kaelin's reaction will be!
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 11 . 12/16/2012
The way you describe Aislin's worries over Teagen works well here- it adds a really nice element to her character.
Also, Celestial is a great name!
| seredemia chapter 18 . 12/1/2012
woah. even though kaydynce isn't exactly the most nicest of characters, i still thought it was pretty unfair that she didn't even get a chance to defend herself... she basically only got one line to say and then she was immediately guilty. talk about unfair...
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 10 . 11/12/2012
I really love the description here- the way you describe the forest. You give the atmosphere a really sinister, frightening quality which adds to a compelling sense of urgency. It really made Aislin's anxiety clear to understand.
There could be a typo here:
we both had a death call though my tended to frequently change because of me
This is really good chapter. Lots of plot elements have been integrated into the story and are moving along nice and quickly, and I'm getting a clear impression of Aislin's character.