|Reviews for Death Callers|
| seredemia chapter 8 . 8/10/2012
Uh oh. Kaydynce is missing. I have a bad feeling she might start going after dudes again and suck out their energy or whatever it is a succubus does... I hope not. I like Teagan. She seems like a decent friend and is actually nicer than Kaydynce, at least.
| seredemia chapter 7 . 8/10/2012
Okay, I don't think I would like to be a Banshee. so basically, anyone they love will die? ouch. what a tragic outcome. that really sucks but it adds such a heartbreaking romance into everything... maybe aislin will just try to let go of kaelin so that he'll be saved in the future? that will be sad... :(
| seredemia chapter 6 . 8/10/2012
It was nice to see her with her mother and that they get along really well. I thought it was sweet when they started throwing food at each other :') Plus, I love the ending line in this chapter. It really goes well with Aislin's situation, and it's pretty good that her mother went through the same thing. I just hope that Aislin doesn't have to go through the same heartbreak..
| seredemia chapter 5 . 8/10/2012
Aw. Just when I thought that Kaelin and Aislin were going to get together and she was somehow going to find a way to change his death, he had to go and accidentally mess it up. Then again, it's nice that there's more drama because it makes things more interesting. I'd like to see what Kaelin does to make Aislin forgive him.
| seredemia chapter 4 . 8/9/2012
OH YAY THEY KISSED. I thought it was really sweet and I was really happy to see that happen :3 I'm a sucker for romance, and I enjoy reading about Aislin and Kaelin's relationship so far. It'll be nice to see flashbacks of their past too so that we know how they met and why Aislin ended up liking him as well. It was also pretty interesting to see Kaydynce like that and what her powers are like. Pretty lethal, huh..? Scary best friend is scary.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 2 . 8/7/2012
"Her grip was strong it was like detaching a leach that had just latched on" should be "Her grip was strong; it was like detaching a leach that had just latched on."
I feel bad for Kaelin, he only wants to help but he's getting ushered around everywhere. And it's going to suck when he finds out he's going to have to die.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
HI from roadhouse!
I love the idea of banshees, it's very interesting. I never heard of them before, unless you made them up entirely, then of course I never heard of them, but overall, they are still parculiar creatures.
Just the concept of this young girl having to kill off his first true love promises a wonderful read. I think it's the worst thing that can happen to somebody, and I expect a load of drama from it. :)
Anywhos, off to chapter two!
| B.R. McNair chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
Hmm... Tons of potential awesomeness here. The premise is great and Teagan has the ability to end up being a fantastic character. But your flow gets a little messed up due to the fact there aren't commas in certain places that really need them. Also, the pacing of the story itself is a little too fast. I don't mind fast pacing, I prefer actually, but you'd didn't really lead in at all to the action. You need to give some background to the characters and the setting before you launch into the plot. The story is good though. You have some really good ideas, but you just need to fix a few things to make this story fantastic.
Peace and love,
P.S.- Repaying the favor from Roadhouse.
| seredemia chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
WAIT. SO IS A VAMPIRE GOING TO KILL KAELIN NOW? What did Aislin mean with changing the vision?
The part with the poltergeists was pretty cool. I really like the variety of beings in this story and it's so original at the moment. I don't think I like her friend, Kaydynce, at the moment. Because even though she seems pretty bubbly and fun around Aislin, her habit for seducing people without a second thought is pretty selfish and mean...
Although, I did like the small moment with Kaelin and Aislin. Poor Aislin. You can tell she's trying her best to forget about Kaelin... Great chapter as usual!
| seredemia chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
It must be so sad for Aislin to find out that someone who means so much to her is going to die... I can't see why anyone would like their abilities as a banshee - but maybe they can actually use them to help people? Like can they actually stop someone from dying or is that not allowed? I can see Aislin trying to save Kaelin...
Hmm. I'm not really sure if being a banshee is a good thing at all. I found it kind of disappointing when Aislin looked like she accepted Kaelin's death in the middle part of this chapter. Surely, if he was her first love, he would mean a lot and therefore it would take more time for her to accept it? I know she has to forget about him so that it will hurt less, but it just seemed a bit unrealistic to me. BUT, I do like how naive her friend seems to be. Kaydynce is a pretty shallow character at the moment because right now, it's like all she cares about being a banshee is looking good and she's not aware of the bad things about it. I can't wait to see how she'll react once she gets her death call.
AND I really do think that Aislin will probably spend more time with Kaelin in the future (even though she tries to avoid him), and in the end, she'll just end up trying to save him from death. That's my theory anyway...
| seredemia chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
Ooh I really like the summary for this story, so I'm really keen on reading it now!
I'm really intrigued by what these death calls are. Nice introduction on her friends by the way. I like how each of them have their own personality that you can distinguish straight away, and it's nice that their appearances are made clearly and it doesn't sound forced. All in all, it's a god start so far :)
Ooh, so succubus exist in this story? You don't see many stories with them in it, so I'm happy to see them here. Plus, I'm curious to see what other beings exist here.
Eep. I can see that being a banshee has its disadvantages. The good looks and all might be nice, but it's not as nice when people are trying to molest you... Speaking of which, is there actually a reason why they turn beautiful when they become banshees..?
I like the cliffhanger at the end! So a death call is basically seeing who dies then..? Lovely. I really like the look of this story so far because it should be interesting to see how Aislin deals with her new abilities as a banshee and if she'll actually like them. Because tbh, I dont think I'll like it if I have to know who dies or not...
| ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
On the story of mine you reviewed, I said, "I'll review something of yours if I like what you've got." That was so I didn't get caught reviewing something I didn't want to, something with terrible grammar, etc. I'm honestly not sure why I didn't review you, because I keep a list and I'm sure you had to have been on there, but whatevs. I'm reviewing now. If you review something else of mine, please send me a PM letting me know. It's an honest mistake!
The first thing I notice is that your beginning paragraph is the same as your summary. That works well sometimes, but it can also be a little too predictable at times. Gimmicky, I guess you could say. The second thing I notice is the spelling of Kaydynce - it's weird, and it takes my mind off of the actual storyline and makes me focus on her name instead. You're eleven chapters into the story, though, so there's probably no sense in changing it.
I do like the friendship between the three girls, or at least Kaydynce and Aislin. I got a feel for that, and it came off as believable and sweet.
You use a good descriptive technique towards the beginning. You don't list characteristics, which is awesome. Listing stuff is for third grade material, and not doing that shows you've got maturity in your writing. I notice later on that Aislin describes herself - you should go back and change that, because it's an elementary technique that turns most readers off. You should also go back through and proofread the hell outta this - I'm seeing a lot of missing commas and run-ons. The grammar needs a good looking at, because it's hard to concentrate on the storyline with it.
I didn't like Aislin's reaction to seeing Kaelin again. It didn't seem believable or something, I guess. I do like most of the names used in your story, though. The plot's good, honestly, but the grammar kept me distracted from really digesting most of this. If grammar isn't your strong point, I'd suggest a beta. You'll find that really good grammar generally constitutes a lot more reviews.
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
I'm enjoying reading this. You really have a flair for writing a dramatic story!
A few suggestions:
my mom replied[,] trying to explain it to me
Also, perhaps tone down the descriptions of Aislinns' appearance, to make her seem more realistic.
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
You hooked me with your opening sentence. I'm interested to find out more about the banshees.
A few pointers:
"Kaydynce, stop messing with the poor boy[-] you might give him a heart attack." [Which boy? Also check grammar here.]
deep like thunder[;] it made my body go weak just hearing it
Also, in my opinion Aislin seems to take to Kaelin a bit too quickly, especially considering what just happened.
All in all, tighten the few grammar/typing errors and maybe slow a few actions down a bit. Otherwise, this is a really promising start, keep it up!
| anna in wonderland chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
ygehdsjinmce. this is excellent.
okay, so, i didn't really know what to expect when i clicked on this, because i'm not exactly world's expert on things of the supernatural genre. but i was pleasantly surprised, because this has some excellent potential.
aislin seems like a good character. okay, it is kinda too early to tell what sort of person she is, but i quite like her. there isn't too much about her crammed into this chapter, and i like that. we're given time to sort of adjust to her.
also, i'm nitpicking now, but i'm not exactly sure on what a death call is. you've probably said in another chapter, but i'm a little confused. sorry, aha. xD
anyway, i really enjoyed this. it was a great first chapter and an excellent beginning to what seems like an excellent story. i also apologise for the hopelessness of this review, haha. but anyway, i enjoyed it, and i would recommend it.