|Reviews for Paranoia Came Back|
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
Oh boy, this was great! I really enjoyed the central theme of madness and how everything starts to snowball into being more and more ridiculous. I thought the gradual slope of madness you went down was very realistic and at first I wasn't sure if she was being serious, or if she's a bit of a loon. Her washing the pills down the sink was a pretty big indicator of her mental state, though. I like how you slipped that in there as a way for the reader to find a proper footing on determining if this woman is crazy or not.
I also love how you told this in second person. I thought it made everything leave a greater impact, seeing the narrator speak directly to me. It made me feel a little vulnerable, considering she was saying I must be a terrorist. xD I also like how you mention she's prying up the linoleum in the beginning, which doesn't sound too weird (maybe she's replacing it or cleaning it), but by the ending you see she's bat-shit crazy from the beginning.
I also especially enjoyed that line about the tattoo. I think that image was one of the strongest in this, because I think this all connects with her sense of paranoia. I wouldn't be too damn thrilled to date a guy with another woman's name on his arm, I'll tell you that much. And the way she talks about paranoia like it's a real person was very crafty.
That part about the ants knowing something and hiding the truth was hilarious. I probably shouldn't be seeing so much humor in this, because there's obviously something seriously wrong with this girl, but I just can't help it. I think it's because I know we're all a little crazy in one way or another.
But yeah, although this is very brief, I think it's very effective. You don't stray too long on this subject - you address it just enough to answer some questions and leave other things unanswered. Good job. :D
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Ahh. I've always been a sucker for a good second-person narrative. Especially one where the narrator is present in the scene as well. It's like my favorite thing, no joke. I'm obsessed with that perspective. And you do a good job with it, too.
This started off a little iffy for me. I thought she was on the kitchen floor cutting because of something her boyfriend did. Which, I'm going to guess, was your intent. After the rather abrupt "And it feels fucking great." things turned around and I liked that sudden shift in dynamic. The transition for me was a little rough and the "fucking great" felt a little weird after the calm, very beautiful prose that preceded it.
I liked your personification of Paranoia, though. I wasn't expecting it at all and the last line really clinched your characterization of her.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
When I first started reading this I wasn't too keen on the angst. It actually reminded me a lot of a Bright Eyes song, like "The Calendar Hung Itself"-the bit about the linoleum floor and crouched down with the knife. But after the second paragraph I actually got into this, as a flash fiction piece. It's really well done. Though originally wary, I think you did a great job with a stream-of-consciousness flavor. The narrator was characterized enough so that I didn't trust them completely, but I didn't trust the boyfriend either.
Wondering if maybe you should spell out "three o'clock" since you later spell out "eight years" though, just to keep it consistent. The advice is to usually spell out all numbers under like 101, but especially for more poetic pieces like this, it's really up to the author, especially if they want the visual of the numerical number too.
Anyway, you started off with a strong image and I really liked how you carried it over into the last two paragraphs. Enjoyed the description of the ants and the mosquitos. The narrator became less angsty in my opinion, and much more paranoid, which of course fits with the theme of this. The bit with Walmart and the overthrowing was a tad bit un-serious for the overall tone of this piece, but it wasn't so jarring that it stuck out too bad, so I say keep it.
I really enjoyed the last sentence, it did a great job tying everything together. You did an excellent job with the characters in this piece too. I don't see flash fiction done very often on FP, and I was impressed by this. It's a very good example of a short character piece. Well done!
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 6/6/2012
This is another brief, crystal clear view into a mental state that might be more common than we would care to think. I could almost feel the objective scientist's microscope at my eye as I watched the tortured specimen twist-fascinated and repelled at the same time.
Your writing is very good, but some lines could be tightened up. e.g. The first sentence could start simply: "It was 3 AM when you found me..."
| Wonder46 chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
This is fascinating and devastatingly beautiful.
| Shay McSudonim chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
That's what I'd be like if I listened to Paranoia all the time, so I don't do it.
Instead, I just use her for consultations. She really does keep you on your toes...
Excellent story / poem / vignette / don't even care what the actual name is because this is great!
| electrical moon chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
This is chilling. You write truly amazing short stories, packing a whole spectrum of emotions and characterization in.
| Self-DissectedPsyche chapter 1 . 5/16/2012
I feel like there's a serious message here, but it's hard to find it with the fire ants and what-not. Everything up to the fire ants was great, and reminded me of "Dead Bodies Don't Cry".
As well, I know someone who has the same problem. Not too long ago he went on and on about how God exists, but in the form of a tormentor. He truly believes that at the heart of everything, there is a need to get at him. His paranoia was tragically theological, and he even suspects me. But his struggle is serious, the character your narrative lacks that weight. Sorry if this seems damning, i'm not saying it's crap, it just needs work. You can write a powerful story, i've seen it.
| Persevera chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
You have made quite a splash(considering your avatar) since your entry to site earlier this month. I like your prose and poetry