Reviews for Unforgiving World Ep 1:The Survivors
SupaSaiyanGamer chapter 3 . 3/24/2013
Hmm... this series has caught my attention
StarburstAwesomeness chapter 3 . 1/27/2013
XD His name is Fabian! Lol I can't... Have you ever heard of Fabio? He's like this really handsome guy from commercials in the 80s or something. Fabian! *snorts*
Anyway.
Wow. Lots of action here! I don't like Fabian very much, but Max is pretty cool. I'd like to learn more about Alex's character. Who was he before this all happened? Did he lose everyone he ever knew? A girlfriend he wonders is still alive? Misses his parents? Maybe his parents were divorced and one was involved in this somehow or... there are so many possibilities for his character! Maybe he's not a such a great guy. Maybe he's a little mentally off. (Talks to a parrot...) What did he want to be when he grew up? Does he hide his emotions or does he act blindly when fired up? These are all stuff to get into in episode 2.
Anyway, if definitely watch this on TV!
Starburst
StarburstAwesomeness chapter 2 . 1/27/2013
So it's not robots! Well, kind of. Awesome!
This chapter had me on the edge of my seat! :D
The only edit I would suggest here is that perhaps it would've been better if you didn't call the creepy zombies 'things.' It just sounds lazy. I know it's hard, but maybe Alex could call them a ridiculous name that he made up. But that's really up to you. I just have a harder time picturing them when they're called things.
I didn't find any present tense in this chapter. Good job!
One more thing. How would you feel about writing this in first person? It might feel more personal and could help the reader connect with Alex more. What are you most comfortable with though?
Starburst
StarburstAwesomeness chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
Thank Phantom130 for bringing me here! :D
This story seems pretty good! I'm starting to become attached to this Alex character, but it would've been nice if you put in a short description of him while he was preparing for the day. Ooh, evil robots? Just make sure you don't make it cliché, not all robots are evil! :P I saw that you changed from past to present tense only a few times, so it's not anything big but you might want to catch those mistakes while going over it. I know it's probably because you converted this from script to story, which I know is hard. Anyway, I'm excited to read the next chapter!
Is it wrong that I was thinking of Astro Boy while reading the introduction?
Starburst
Mylilblackpen chapter 3 . 1/19/2013
Play nicely Fabian! Jeez that guy needs to relax, I mean what the hell did he think he doing pointing an arrow at Alex!? He is way to paranoid but by the looks of that awesome fight scene he had every right to be! Again very interesting, look forward to reading the next episode. One thing I particularly liked about this is the great cliff hanger. Who could possibly want to destroy everyone? Hmm, very intriguing.
Mylilblackpen chapter 2 . 1/19/2013
Well this certainly was action packed. I think my heart was pounding when Alex was fighting off those things (Nanorms?) but then I'm not one of things like this. I could pretty much guess Alex not checking the other side, which made things much more intense. The introduction of the two new characters was very good and well timed, perhaps introduce a female at some stage (I'm not sure if you have or not) because otherwise it just seems like there are only guys who survived, which is unrealistic. Apart from that it was great, I think the motorcycle guy was acting like a jerk but I suppose there always has to be one! Really enjoying what I'm reading so far.
Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 1/19/2013
I haven't read a lot of apocalypse stories so I didn't really know what to expect. But I did like this, it had very vivid imagery which is great because it meant I could imagine it much more carefully. I like the flow and the cliff hanger was very clever, can't wait to read and see how that pans out. I feel like you but more emotion and fear towards the end because of that fear Alex would have to get away from the robot. It should seem a little frantic but that's just my opinion. I do however like the 'set up', whereby you give us a background of what's happening. Very nice and believable to because with an apocalypse, dystopia or futuristic stories they can be spun so that they become too unbelievable for the reader, but this wasn't which is good. Great piece.
Hidden Behind This Mask chapter 3 . 1/9/2013
Wow I really love this! I like the flow of the story and the way you write it is really nice. My only criticism would be that your characters(more-so Max and Fabian) are seeming kind of static right now, like they aren't fully developed. But anyhow I really really life it! Please keep going!
ChibiJinchuuriki chapter 3 . 1/5/2013
Nice dialogue, the fight/battle scene was fantastic! I'll read EP 2 soon :)
haha I learn Chinese too, I understand Chinese exams... and how important they are :P
ChibiJinchuuriki chapter 2 . 1/5/2013
Great work, this part was filled with action and Loupy is a surprisingly good fighter! XD
ChibiJinchuuriki chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
You say that this was originally a script, I can see why. I can really imagine this as a movie :P
I think the setting is really creative, a futuristic utopia falling to ruins is quite vivid.
ElliPhoton chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
Ahh! Sorry I missed this and started reading in the wrong order! Apologies. Now I understand the grim humor in Part Two - obviously these kids have been dealing with stuff like this for a while. It hardens you.
Great writing, as always. There is a clear sense of desolation and loneliness in your description, which sets the mood perfectly.
whovian-halfbloods chapter 3 . 12/30/2012
This is excellent, I love Loupy :)
MysteriousFire chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
I really adore all the descriptions in this chapter! I'm usually not really into sci-fi, but this story really interested me somehow. The future world seems not too unreal, and I like Alex's character so far.
You handled the many descriptions that come with a sci-fi story very well! Good job!
Smart Kira chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
All in all it was a good story keep up the good work.
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