Reviews for Too Late, Damage Done
Shauni Cooper chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
Wow. This is such a powerful piece! Intense and raw even. You presented your concept excellently and the words chosen mirror the situation greatly. The descriptions were very impacting as well, you got your message through. I also enjoyed how you added different points of view, well done! An incredible piece, loved it. :)

As always, keep writing!

-Shauni
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/14/2012
Very intense. You did an excellent job conveying emotion in such a minimalist form. The last line of the last stanza, and the second stanza as a whole, are extremely powerful.
Abbytjie chapter 1 . 7/8/2012
I must say the first line is a bit...weird. It seems strange and out of place, not matching the tone of the rest of the poems.
However...
WOW. I really like this. Especially the last one. Fake words from fake friends, amazing. The finality of the last line leaves the story on such a poignant note...Really beautiful.
SiahXSiren chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
I like the continuities between stanzas 1 and four and stanzas 2 & 3 and throughout all the haiku's generally. Whereas the third person narration of 1&4, frames the story and gives the feeling that your watching something happen, with your use of the word 'you' in 2&3 they take on a really personal tone and engage me as a reader, making me identify with and feel intimately connected to the person who'd been bullied.
So perfect use of narration for giving the poetry a didactic role!

It was really good.

On a completely personal level, the only thing I would change is line 2 of stanza 3. Where you wrote

Fake words from fake friends,
"She had such life within her!"
Too late. Damage done.

I would've written

Fake words from fake friends,
"She had so much potential!"
Too late. Damage done.

Just because I think, what's fake about 'she had such life within her'? That would just be stating the obvious. Of course she had life in her, she was alive! Lol
But with use of the word 'potential', if, as line 1 stanza 4 indicates, this sentence is not their true beliefs, it then hints that these could possibly be the same friends who told her to kill herself in line 1.
I'm aware that you may not be trying to say that it was them but just the hint of possiblity enriches the poem and strengthens the links between stanzas 1 and 4.
Also I think my suggestion links more closely with line 2 of stanza 1 where you wrote 'She's lost hope for a future,". She couldn't see the very potential that her fake friends are now hypocritically emphasising, so it's even more ironic.

That said, I'm not telling you to change your poem even though feel free to if you want. Just what I thought, fellow writer to fellow writer ;)
Sometimes in my poetry I know other words would have greater poetic effect but I leave them as I first wrote them because the words I used first were significant to me personally in some other way.

Great writing though!
True Talker chapter 1 . 5/11/2012
I have a habit of putting my own personal thoughts into another's works. I am NOT a fake friend, and I have NOT said fake words. I care, I CARE I ALWAYS AND ONLY HAVE CARED. Yes, PLEASE PM me and if you need to talk then do so. I will log out shortly as I can't stay on here forever - sleep is ALWAYS needed. I will return your PM though if you do.