|Reviews for Lovetrap|
| Graydarkness chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
This was really good! But the ending was sad... luckily I'm the type of person that can appreciate a tradegy. :-) Great story!
| Twelfth Night chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
This is a really strong start. Which is awesome, because it makes me want to see this through to the end. I liked the story idea as soon as I read the summary. X)
Apparently, gerunds are bad so:
"An angry vein was rising from the skin of her pale throat as she raged,"
Instead of that, this, "An angry vein rose from the skin of her pale throat as she raged"
" justice and of revenge, revenge that she commanded me to help her carry out."
There's something a little bit awkward about that. The repetition of 'revenge, revenge that...'. Instead, maybe: "just and of revenge, the latter of which she commanded me to help carry out." Or something, you know, better. XD
"As if I would have denied her my help. As if she needed it."
Love it. X) I think you're like me. Some awkward phrasings, but a lot of strong ones. Well, I'm more along the lines of, "Some strong phrasings, but a lot of awkward ones.
But also, I've been told that 'was' is one of those words to use sparingly.
"but she is still Zeus wife and sister,"
And, sidenote "wife and sister" ick! Keeping with mythology, but ewww. I can't remember. Are Aphrodite and Hera related? Zeus is Aphrodite's father, right, but I'm too lazy to see if Hera's her mother. X)
"and all that is in my heart now is hatred.""
Which begs the questions of why she needs her heart to be turned away from love.
I'm soo happy! My feedback box got exed out, and I was all 'waah, I'll have to rewrite it. But I just clicked on 'review' on there it was!' X)
And that ending was heartbreaking. Although, a little bit...confusing? I think. Why'd she turn her to stone?
I think that the only problem with the story was that from beginning to end, I didn't really care for Hera. And the end kind of made me hate her. But that's not a problem so much as a personal opinion.