|Reviews for Forgotten|
| gcpdguy chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
I feel the pace is off in a few parts, where I trip up while reading it. Some intense images in here, and I can tell you were getting all that emotion out in there, which is fantastic. You can limit the amount of words you use, and still produce the effect you want. But that's probably just my style talking. ;)
| Beth Brooks chapter 1 . 5/21/2012
hi, i loved your wording and scheme and the flow, but it left me a bit confused, left me wondering what it was about really... what happend? Why? do you know whagt i mean? Why does she feel her brother will forget her, what happened between them. And the top seemed a bit long. But hey, just my opinion but i thought it was really nice still! Good work and keep it up!
| A Botanist's Desire chapter 1 . 5/20/2012
Hmmm, this is a pretty neat poem. The rhyme scheme was interesting to read. This may sound a little weird, because I don't really know how you planned it, but maybe you should consider splitting the second stanza up into three parts, for each different set of vowels you used at the ends of the verses? Like, the verses ending in cracks, rigid, sick, laughs and kid would be one stanza, while appearance, chest, hand and test would be another?
Sorry if I'm over explaining things, I just want to be clear with what I mean.
When it comes to the actual subject matter, perhaps you could go back and write a stanza hinting at what the girls brother did to lose her trust, or delving into some of the family history. What you have now DOES hint at some interesting ideas, but it's rather vague. Though for all I know this is intentional.
Anyhow, this poem is interesting, and certainly leaves the reader with a sense that the speaker is doomed to desperately sad isolation. While faking merriment, which must suck. It left me wondering why she felt the urge to pretend to be happy, when seemingly her family (or at least her brother) doesn't notice one way or the other?
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
Love this poem. Awesome job, keep it up .