Reviews for OldDraftAct1SavedForReviews
Zoicite23 chapter 2 . 6/2
Wow this chapter was incredibly well done! I loved it! I just did a presentation on Japanese culture haha! And no, I don't think you needed to go in depth explaining everything about the gods and mythos. What was in the story was more than enough, I could tell you were basing stuff on factual history. A lot of the writing was beautiful and felt so authentic. I'm really liking this so far! And I am glad to see Karla again. Sinopa is an adorable character! Jules is okay. I can't say much about Nicole or Reno, although Sinopa seems to be a good judge of character. Your DEA references and everything was done so well. This story is very impressive and legit. Great work!
Zoicite23 chapter 1 . 6/2
Woah, just woah. You are such a good writer, and f*cking hilarious. I like Karla, she is so funny. I'm still laughing about it. She's very hypersexual, which is understandable cause she is a sex demon, and I don't mind it myself. I ship her with Krys for sure. They're my number one pairing SO FAR. Donovan is an alright character, I like his power more than anything, you describe it pretty well. These characters are quite powerful, perhaps overpowered, they're practically gods. But who cares, when it come down to them fighting each other I'd like to see some god-level destruction ultra-fighting. I love the historical references and the fact you know your shit, making their age more believable. I think the best part of this chapter was the fight at the end and talk between Karla and Krys, it's a shame that happens at the end of the chapter cause I think that's what your skills shine best and new readers might leave before they get to that part, seeing as it's a long chapter. Good work!
CrossroadXOFXVesper chapter 5 . 2/20/2013
As per your request: all the good guys and anti heroes are monotonous, try throwing in a little crazy here and there.

I'll just keep reading. I've found only a few more errors, nothing you won't notice during a read-through.

Very Respectfully,

Vesper
Pod155 chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
Why did it take so for me to read this awesome piece. You've never disappointed before and I'm glad there is so much for me to read kudos my friend kudos.
Arcane Emotions chapter 2 . 2/17/2013
Japanese mythology 3 Yay. The plot continues to thicken...but when will it boil? xD I couldn't help but make that joke :P

Also, do I detect in Jules a hint of elements from a certain character from Star Fox: Detente? o: All through this story I keep feeling deja-vu in the BEST possible way! Maybe that's because I feel like a few years back when I first got into reading your stories and kept going HOLY CRAP every 5 minutes xD
Lauren chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
Hey there. Sorry it took so long to reply, I'm back in school. First off, I'm no longer working on the first series starting with M or the book about th thieves. I'm only writing my new second series from now on. In fact, the new series has the longest books I have ever written and has given me a genre that fits me like a glove...horror. It's called Cheating Death. I wouldn't sign up onto this website for two reasons; I forgot my password, and I wouldn't anyway if I had one since I never liked the idea of revealing a whole book online. Sneak peeks, sure, but not the whole books. Now about the first chapter of your book: the grammar, the descriptions, the dialogue, ect, everything was brilliant. All like a professional book. But I have two problems. Firstly is how you switched POVs in one chapter, you can't do that even with a third person narrative, you have to treat it as though it were the mind of one being. Another problem is one I don't think you should consider, it's just a personal thing. The thing is it's not the sort of book I would read. At first it started off great with the magic and the demons, until it plunged down to the idea of sex and such that just makes this seem like the kind of supernatural books I kept seeing too often. And Karla slowly becomes more of a Mary Sue, to me at least since Karla's appearance is one of a young teenage girl with 'sexy' aspects of her like a woman that just seems wrong and ove-the-top. I would've been fine if Karla appeared in her twenties. I'm sorry if I may seem harsh, but I'm just being honest. I suggest you do something about, I don't want to see such a talented writer getting crueller reviews right after you've been published regarding the same bits and pieces.

Could you please send me another private message about your email so I can send a chapter of a book you asked for review.

Lots of Love, Lauren
Arcane Emotions chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
I was impressed by the characters, this is certainly a 'bit' more mature than your other stuff I've read, but hell, that doesn't detract -at all-. I love the characters! Especially Karla, she amuses the hell out of me *ponders* Wouldn't mind a succubus here and there :P useful skills they've got! I'll say it-I'm hooked!
Sicarius19 chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
Well, well, well. After reading the first chapter, I have to say you have a pretty creative imagination. I love the concept of supernatural beings existing in the human world (demons, beasts, monsters etc) and demon hunters. So far, its been off to a great start with action and a character with an interesting persona. But what I also like about your stories is the realism of such as 'events' that took place (in the beginning) or even how you portray your characters as if how they would live in this society as any normal individual. Karla living over hundreds of years has seen the world change (describing historical facts about the past) and even Donovan who lives by a monster/demon/beast moral code to remain hidden to avoid persecution and/or death. But of course, you put your spin on it by adding fantasy (so it isn't too historical).

So if I had to sum what I've said into one word, I would say: balance. That what your story has my friend. A balance of everything to keep the story entertaining to read.

Keep this up and I'm sure you'll fulfill your ability to become a writer.

Good luck Kit!

-Sicarius19
Ahensiek chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
Cool its different, but in a good way )
fireinfernodeath chapter 34 . 2/6/2013
changed up chapter one allittle, then you drop everything off with this cliffhanger, well thats just great. Keep it up man.
fireinfernodeath chapter 33 . 2/1/2013
i read this chapter on my phone, it took hours of devotion and i got a migrain out of it from looking at the small screen all day, but well worth it, well done.
Angelos D. Wolf chapter 33 . 1/28/2013
Happy endings are always the best. Good chapter, really enjoyed the work you put into for that fight scene. Learned a lot too. Just wish it was an actual movie so I could see it in motion. Anyway, good stuff. Hoping to see the final assault on the dome soon.
Angelos D. Wolf chapter 32 . 1/28/2013
Ah man, Sire's up in this mother. Looking forward to that showdown, really. Good chapter, had a lot of truly funny moments in it, and I always like the funny reference humor you give the characters. Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter where things are gonna go down!
Angelos D. Wolf chapter 31 . 1/23/2013
Very entertaining read, especially near the end. Karla's pretty hilarious and always fun to read about. Lotta questions abut this chapter, but I'll be patient, I'm sure you got a good plan on wrapping things up. Looking forward to the next one when all this goes down!
PointCaliber chapter 4 . 1/22/2013
Man, if I had telekinetic abilities I'd poke everyone, but I might land the glorious position of house cleaner. Lol and must of sucked to be Anderson knowing the same person you're out for was in the same room as you the night before xD

I see what you mean now, about Reno being easing into all of this. To the next awesome chapter!
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