I don't really like how the first two paragraphs are arranged because it turns rather confusing when it comes to setting up the scene of this new chapter.

I like the morale of this story, particularly because it is placed in a position where the morale of unifying under a single banner is destroyed, further impressing the importance of that message, as the split at the beginning of the chapter describes. The story turns into a message to the Norlanders as well as a bit of a backlash to them, and a warning/advice to the tavern people masked in the guise of an innocent story; it's like it's his way of fighting, particularly since you said it made him "angry".

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

I don't particularly like how you've structured the first paragraph because it comes out a little on the dense and heavy side. I think it would work better with a page break before the dialogue begins.

I like this sentence [They traveled east to west, and west to east] because it really encapsulates the wandering without aim. The two sentences separately represent two very different journeys: searching for enlightenment and fleeing from pursuit, but putting them together gives the very powerful effect of cancelling each motif out, leaving it like a circle with no beginning, end or form at all.

[he said, leaning out of the darkness; his face was hard and fierce] - I like this image because it nicely contrasts the dreams of a child to the darker times in context, as well as the innocence of a child to the harsher reality of adulthood, and the physical image of fire against the night is nicely captured as well.

I also like the line ["Teremun and his people wept, for their bright young sons were no more."] because it's a good summary of how people don't appreciate what they have before they lose it. it's also a good image of superficiality and the ties of love, because by throwing Teremun in with the people as a collective, it really demonstrates he wasn't particularly close to his sons, caught up in other worldly matters.

I like how you differentiate between the story-telling and the regular dialogue because it really gives value to the story, makes it come alive out of the traveler as opposed to being simple words of thanks he speaks.

However, I don't particularly like the wording/sentence structure because it doesn't suit the voice of a traveler wearied and coarsed by the road, sleeping on "floors" as such. It's a little too eloquent for that; I think you could create the story just as powerfully by lessening the glamour, making it a little coarser - the last line particularly stands out: "thus was Trona brought to life" doesn't sound like something a regular traveler would say. If it's someone in disguise (and the idea honestly occured to me), I think they would be more mindful than to use something as stand-outish as that. As for a traveler, if he's trying to sound impressive, I think that would be a place where awkward mistakes would come into play. Just a thought.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)