|Reviews for Blood and Coffee|
| AnneAlysse chapter 5 . 2/12/2014
It's been so long since I've read this and so long since you've updated! I hope you're still around. I hope you're still writing, even if you're not here.
I'd completely forgotten about this story and decided that I should get myself caught up, and I must say, it was a great way to spend my time. Your writing in this chapter is just as fantastic as it has been in the past four. A few technical stumbles - commas and what have you - but still easy to get through and quite enjoyable!
I especially enjoyed Sue. The comparison to the dinosaur was great, and she seems like a fun character, even if she's here only briefly. I also really, really, REALLY liked the internal dialogue about a vampire's reaction to getting carded. "Spifflicated as they come," indeed!
The use of aniseed was quite interesting, too, and I had no idea what anosmia was until I read this. That must be frustrating to write with, especially in cases like this.
As usual, I loved the chapter! I really hope you update one day. I'll be waiting for the next chapter, if you ever post it. It's been years, so I know I'm probably asking a lot. Really, though, this story has so much potential!
I hope I have the honor of reviewing some work of yours again someday. :)
| Miss Laaaadyyyy chapter 1 . 7/14/2012
| Amazing chapter 4 . 7/9/2012
The characterization is great and really drew me in. I love how the vampire nature is a "beast" and how you show it's affect on Sanka. I also like you pop references. Looneytunes for a start. And would Jack be based on Smiling Jack? Can't wait for you to write more! I want to see where this goes!
- Your Miss Lady -
| AnneAlysse chapter 4 . 6/26/2012
I'm still loving your descriptions so freakin' much! I'm also liking where the story is going. It's getting more and more interesting as we go along!
My only problem with this chapter is the part near the end where the MC debates whether to look in the wallet or not. It felt like it should have been longer, like there should have been more introspection. The way it's written, it feels like she just looked at it for a second, then went "Never mind. You take it." Not as emotional as I would've expected.
Still, though, another enjoyable chapter. Please update soon, if you can! :)
| AnneAlysse chapter 3 . 5/28/2012
I'm torn about whether I like where you ended the chapter or not. On one hand, it was a good hook - "Red. All I see is red." But on another, it just didn't feel like it was ready to end, like more should've definitely been waiting right around the corner.
Also, I've noticed that the MC rarely swears in her narrative, but the word "fuck" appears in nearly every line of dialogue she speaks. It makes it feel like someone else is talking, so it comes off as a bit disjointed. Making the speech and thoughts more similar would probably help the flow of the story.
Another good chapter, though. A bit of humor never hurts in a story like this, and I still love your writing style!
I hope you update soon. :)
| AnneAlysse chapter 2 . 5/27/2012
I'm not sure how interested you are in receiving critiques, so I'll just quickly list a few things I noticed throughout the chapter.
- If you have the time, I would suggest giving everything you have so far a rougher edit. There are quite a few misspellings and oddly placed commas and the like throughout the chapter, and it wouldn't hurt to clean a bit of it up.
- You have a tendency to place things that aren't dialogue tags in the place of a dialogue tag. For example: "So.." a spoon chinked repeatedly against mugs as he stirred an instant coffee blend, "do you remember your name?" That middle section has nothing to do with the speech, so it would be a sentence all its own, unattached by the comma, unless you added something like "he said."
- You have a very unique way of wording some things. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, so I'd be careful. Most of the time it works, though. Just make sure it doesn't become confusing to read.
- Near the end, I was a bit thrown off by how she seemed to remember what she looked like before. The way she explained things before, it seemed that she didn't remember anything about herself, and I figured that would include appearance, too. I could easily be wrong, though, and considering that you wrote it the way you did, I probably am. Just something I noticed. :p
Overall, though, I'm LOVING this concept. You've given the whole "vampire as a separate inner beast" thing a new spin, and I think it's awesome. Also, I'm very fond of the way you write. Usually, it would seem a bit too formal in a first-person narrative, but it just seems to fit the narrator so well. Your dialogue is also decent, which is hard to find on FP. Most people write over-the-top, stilted speech, so it's refreshing to find something that seems natural.
You've also done a good job of hooking me. What the hell is going to happen to these two ladies? Will Jack become a love interest? Will Nikki? Will the narrator ever figure out who she was, or is that gone forever? And seriously, what the hell is going to happen to them?
Anyway, I'm definitely subscribing to this. I'll try to get to the next chapter when I have the chance! And please, keep writing. Thank you for a lovely read thus far! :)