|Reviews for Somnium -The MMORPG-|
| Flame Darkmoon chapter 28 . 1/27/2013
I'm sure he can handle the guy. Or he could fail and then come back to defeat the guy. Either way, he defeats the guy.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 27 . 1/21/2013
Ummm... now what?
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 25 . 1/10/2013
What did they all get? Did they get super expensive stuff? The house was huge and was only a small portion... Someone has to have something awesome...
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 24 . 1/8/2013
| the writing addict chapter 24 . 1/7/2013
| General 07 chapter 23 . 1/6/2013
Wow. I didn't expect him to use magic, what a surprise!
| Prolix chapter 2 . 1/4/2013
I think you could expand on this chapter a bit more; not too much to the point that your adding nonessitial information, just enough to give a deeper immersion into the scenery. I would suggest thickening the dialogue first (dialogue isn't just speech, but physical action, facial expressions, using the setting, and subtext. Second, work on the setting, not too much, because right now the chapter reads smoothly but I have just the fainest sense of their surrounding, if you could induce the five senses with overwriting then it would be much better. Otherwise a strong chapter: likable cast, an idea which reminds me of The Matrix and Dot Hack, and romantic thread (which when used right) can added much to a story. Also, I don't know why this stuck out at me, but I like your character's names.
P.S. Is the word "Gosh" apart of his regular speech pattern?
Prolix Review Complete
| Samurai Wolverine chapter 23 . 1/4/2013
Skeleton King is no more.
| hotwinglover chapter 23 . 1/4/2013
Woohoo! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNDERTAKERS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 23 . 1/4/2013
That was going to be my second guess. 'Revived somehow' but I didn't expect the enemy right there.
...and a healing spell?! A simple healing spell?! I guess it makes sense being a skeleton.
(Sorry for spoilers everyone)
| Prolix chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
First the good: I really like the characters, they have dynamic personalities that allow me to easily visualize their interactions. You also have an excellent grasp of dialogue and tone, something that I see alot of new authors struggling with.
Suggestion: Continue improving nuiances of character patterns. I'd study up on psychology and drama. Also, at this early point I detect a flare for wit and intelligence in your writing (if you've got it, flaunt it).
Then the bad: I was not to fond of this openning. It starts the story off way to slow, without any compelling hooks to draw me into the plot. Yes, I have a basic overview of where it all begins, but the read lacks intrigue. You have my attention, but you do not have my interest, which is need if the reader is going to turn the page-or check out another book.
Suggestion: Start in the middle of some action (physical or mental) and let the reader 'catch up' by observing the plot as it unfolds. That way you start the story off strong, and the reader is immediatly caught up in whatever is happening.
And the ugly: This reads like an anime, which is not the ugly. The fact that this reads like an immature anime (Ouran Highschool Host Club anyone) is the ugly. The atmosphere is very very light, so much so that I can't take the characers seriously. Though I like their character, that is what they seem to be, simply characters.
Suggestion: Give them an immediate sense of depth so that I feel like I am observing people. If your writing style has evolved around anime, then emulate deeply characterized anime (NGE, Cowboy bebop, FMA, Blood Plus, Ghost in the Shell, Claymore), otherwise the carefree tone atmosphere will kill any chance at true emotional responses from the reading public.
Every story has some action, but for a worthwhile story, it must be significant action. For a superior writer there may be as much significant action in the way a man greets a friend as in how he handles a sword.
Prolix Review Complete
| General 07 chapter 22 . 1/2/2013
A good chapter, I'm curious about what will happen next!
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 22 . 1/2/2013
I didn't expect that either.
| hotwinglover chapter 22 . 1/1/2013
I DID NOT expect that!
| Flame Darkmoon chapter 22 . 1/1/2013
*sigh* Poor CommieCookie. I feel bad for him...