|Reviews for Somnium -The MMORPG-|
| Clear World chapter 14 . 3/19/2013
Reading that makes me want a rich friend. I might have to go save a person life now
| TheWarHounds President chapter 31 . 3/14/2013
good work sorry for not reviewing lately
| PunkRockKitten923 chapter 31 . 2/27/2013
I love it! Yay, I'm a ninja! XD yeah, we would kick butt too.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 31 . 2/27/2013
Ummm... all I can say right now is that you'd better update a little faster this time. I want to know what just happened.
| Clear World chapter 11 . 2/9/2013
Mmmm, that boss battle. Hahha, enjoyed it, but wow. 1-hit really? Was suspecting multiply hits but maybe my bias in games is lying to me.
Just curious, is this story more written as short stories with a overarching plot, or is it just a bunch of short stories because even though I find the action rather good, I am curious what the end goal is.
And lastly, how much time have they spent in the game already? Seeing that Cookie (i'm just going to call him that because i like the name commoncookie) is already level 7, i assumed he has been in the game for a few hours.
| Clear World chapter 5 . 2/3/2013
A few corrections/nitpicks:
"but the game itself seemed to* worth it" - insert 'be'
"(which I don't really agree with since I'm older than her) - why is there parentheses? the person is monologuing everything so this seems weirdly placed
"You're late, what have you got to say for your... Hey, wuzzat?" - extremely weird for me how she transfer from mad to friendly.
"it *does worth its price." - replace does with 'is'
"No. Let's hear about it and I'll decide if you worth your dinner. Get in." - I think a better way to rephrase this would be like "No. Let's hear this now and then I'll decide if you are worth your dinner" (granted, I actually am confused on this line so my suggestion may be wrong)
"but scientists nowadays had made this breakthrough." - replace with 'have'
"I had to admit that she had got * nice looks" - insert 'a', or rewrite this sentence because it is worded weirdly
"that Steampunk chick" - delete 'that'
"Alex and Lorraine's in deep crap." - insert 'is' and remove the 's as they don't own that.
Okay, time for the actual review.
The premise is set up but can't say much since it's all setting up, and sadly, after watching Sword Art Online, my expectations for this are high, but this story has a few things that can work for it.
You're characters, not much to say. There's very little to based them off from. I'm a person who judge characters based on their actions and not what Jyacee says about other people, so they have room to improve. As I currently see them as, Jaycee (leader) - the fearless leader, Alex (lancer), the lovable best friend, Lorraine (chick)- the caring love interest, and Violet (the brute) - the snarky sister. Huh, seems to fit that band well.. maybe.
For some reason, I found the name CommieCookie extremely funny. I smell a mary sue in the making *hehe*.
But overall, I found the online things interesting this I believe that's where the true meat of the story is at. The short chapter at school was meh at best, but passable since it was short and just needed to introduce Alex and Lorraine. Still wondering what the actual plot is though.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 30 . 2/1/2013
'The Valkyries'... if The Undertakers have heard their name somewhere, they must have some sort of popularity. Let us see what they can all do vs this tree-thing.
| PunkRockKitten923 chapter 30 . 1/31/2013
Yay! Love it! Haha 'pussies' XD
| PunkRockKitten923 chapter 29 . 1/27/2013
Oooooh love it! :D she was portrayed perfeclty. :) the only mistake was it was green day, not red day, but that's fine!
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 29 . 1/27/2013
Two new characters and a quest was given. I now want to find out what the two new characters are like.
| Flame Darkmoon chapter 28 . 1/27/2013
I'm sure he can handle the guy. Or he could fail and then come back to defeat the guy. Either way, he defeats the guy.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 27 . 1/21/2013
Ummm... now what?
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 25 . 1/10/2013
What did they all get? Did they get super expensive stuff? The house was huge and was only a small portion... Someone has to have something awesome...
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 24 . 1/8/2013
| TheWarHounds President chapter 24 . 1/7/2013