|Reviews for Hollow Night|
| Lady Inverness chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
This is an interesting mixture of science fiction and fantasy, I like it! The world sounds very original with a mixture of humans, anthropomorphic animals (that's what I'm guessing the "feline" was), and demons. Your descriptions were good, too. You have a nice way with diction that really helps create a mental image for the reader. My only problem is that some characters seemed to randomly pop up. Some didn't get much attention and I had trouble telling who was who in a few instances. Also, I didn't really understand the character of Sophia, she's a bit too eager to join the group and they seemed to accept her too easily in my opinion. There were also a few spelling and grammatical errors, but they're all minor and can easily be fixed. Ex: "By stander" should be "bystander." Those are really the only issues that I noticed, but I really like where this is going. It's unique (something hard to find nowadays) and is well written.
| appleslikeaboss chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
I really enjoy the level of diction as well as your amazing way of detail. Its a very nice story and I will continue reading it. Thank you for uploading.
| RosesAndWriting chapter 8 . 5/8/2013
You know, I really do love Eren's personality, It's quite tough and and a bit solitary. I enjoy reading a scene she's in.
I'm back to being very irritated with our dear Sophia. Someone really should teach her some defense moves, or some combat lessons, because she is very much a damsel in distress.
| Wxjnexjnwjwsniwsnusqnqsjasnuqs chapter 1 . 5/5/2013
It's so detailed and well written! I'm getting this on my app! It'll keep my going for a few hours! Write more!
| Cute Writer chapter 7 . 9/13/2012
| TerraClearwater chapter 7 . 9/7/2012
ANOTHER cliff hanger? Really? Great...now I'm going to be wondering about thine outcome for days...thanks a lot! XP
Good chapter, though. A lot of character development between Eren, Sophia, and Michel. I always knew Eren had a soft spot for Michel..and he's so oblivion to it! I love how he thinks she's upset that Sophie sill jeopardize the mission...when that's not it all...men, huh? XD
I swear, though, I am now completely shipping Jeremy and Eren. They're such polar opposites...it would work perfectly!
I love Coe and Master B's fights, they're so adorable! Naturally they'd fight, of course, but they act like it's war sometimes...
Anyway, great chapter once again! I'll be looking forward to the next one, mmkay? Hopefully I'll be able to review on time. Anyway, good luck!
| TerraClearwater chapter 6 . 9/7/2012
First off, I am so, SO sorry for not reviewing! Internet access...it can stink. Horribly. Especially if there is a major lack if it. XP But Anyway, back to the review!
I thought it was a bit odd at first that Amber, Gwen and Emily recognized her at first, but maybe they saw a photograph? Anyway, it made it seem like they we're going to end up being monsters or something, disguised and placed at the school to kill her, or something. At least, that's the impression it have me, anyway. Same with that Ace boy, I have a feeling he might not be an innocent side character. The teacher seems like he could be a bigger character later on, too.
But your writing is great! You really stick with character traits, huh? You decide how someone will be, and stick to it truthfully. That's a good trait, for sure. Schizophrenic characters are the worst.
Your descriptions are very well done as well. You described the school almost impeccably, it was very easy to relate to. It seemed like a real school, to me.
And another cliff hanger, huh? You do seem to like those. XP I guess I'll just have to read the next part to find out what happens, eh? Good job on this chapter, once again!
| RosesAndWriting chapter 7 . 8/31/2012
Wow. You've definitely left us with a cliffhanger haven't you?
Thank goodness Sophia was being possessed and didn't get a bitch side. I was really starting to hate her for a minute there.
I understand Eren. Rich people like to have their own interests funded, and only donate money to charity or whatever it is in order to get in good with someone else who's apart of it. Also, when you grow up being poor, and being taught the true values in life, rich people parties just aren't your thing.
| Scarlet-SKull chapter 7 . 8/31/2012
Thanks for pointing that out! I went over this twice and still didn't see that x.x Thanks for the review
| Deserthawk chapter 7 . 8/31/2012
Cool scene. You have nice description, with all the dress clothes and everything. Just all the details. I could picture what everybody looked like real well. Do you draw?
Haha, I'm starting to like Eren better and better. Her badass not giving an eff attitude. Sophia is a little brat but I definitely like her better as a villain (too bad it won't last long). I was kinda surprised she accepted the deal. Shows she's not as innocent as I thought. Or just super naive I guess.
I liked that fight scene at the end. Surprised at Michel too for falling under that spell. Guess these lovey-dovey feelings get everyone off their guard. Real tight corner Eren's got herself in... I wonder how she's gonna get herself out of it.
"Killing your alley? Now that's no way to end a lovely evening." I think you meant 'ally'? But that's the only error I saw. Quote made me laugh as well, since that's practically what they end up doing anyway lol.
| drwiggles chapter 4 . 8/29/2012
You initially described the place of this battle as a tomb with torches and yet windows. Later on Goger reaches into the upstairs bedroom. This is a confusing place for what looked like a tomb.
"Michael's back as a bulldozer" has no verb. "Eat through this, can you!" could be reworded.
I liked your enemies here, but I would like to know more about them too.
| drwiggles chapter 3 . 8/29/2012
The first part was a little confusing. It might be easier to say there were two enemies from the start. The third paragraph made me think it was Michael talking.
I think it would be interesting to develop the background or a little more about the enemies. Right now they just seem to be mindless evil demons. Is it really that simple?
“Eren was proud”, could be reworded since she’s talking. “15,000 lbs.
Some good cliffhangers here too.
| drwiggles chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
I liked this chapter much better. The first part was especially interesting. Having a husband willing to sacrifice his wife for his daughter is a little disturbing, but intriguing for the story. I don't think I saw any grammar or spelling errors either, not that there aren't any. There's a lot of good ambiguity here.
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
The wording of the first sentence could use some improvement. I think the male characters were introduced well, but the female characters made it a bit confusing. You didn't mention the first female character's name until a few paragraphs in, and then shortly after you mention two more names (unless Dorothy is his car), that I'm uncertain of who they are. It’s a little confusing when the fight begins because you say "the duo approached him". I was thinking that you mean that Hugo and Michel approach the bystander, but then you mention them handing some swords to a "raven haired mistress"-Julie? I think she's bitten by a snake demon? but then she seems ok?
Did you intentionally make this past tense, not that its bad, but is there a purpose? There were a few sentences early on that used “he’d” or something similar, which is he would a future tense verb.
In the second part it’s hard to tell if its Julie or Eren that is the one thinking these thoughts, and the first part too. Or is it the unknown victim? Why does Michel feel pity for her? Because she was bored of her high school? Not very convincing.
I think that "ensure" should be "assure"; "Falcon Done" should be "Falcon Drone?"; "by standard" should be "bystander"; "wonder" should be spelled "wader"; “and that’s all I ever go” should be reworded.
| Artistic Enigma chapter 6 . 8/19/2012
Ya know when i read the narration portion for some reason i hear morgan freeman's voice Lol. I want to know more about the Lance Nightblade character and I think teacher guy is gonna have a part in this story.