|Reviews for Endless Immensity of the Sea|
| a-random-writer chapter 5 . 6/7/2012
This chapter is much improved over the previous ones!
I'm still having a bit of troubled distinguishing characters, because there still isn't much background info on them yet.
The flow of this chapter was much better, too. I read more emotion in the character actions v. just saying what the character felt, so good job!
And now we have a love square. I'm intrigued.
| a-random-writer chapter 4 . 6/5/2012
These chapters are so short! Just when it gets interesting, boom end of chapter!
I'm itching to know what Scott did that was so bad.
Still not a lot of description going on. It's mostly dialogue and it's limiting what you can show the reader of your character. I'm not reading any emotion between Scott and Sidney, even though they apparently have a history. I read the words 'sadness', 'guilt', 'disapointment', but I don't see any actions on the character's part that fulfill those feelings.
Looking forward to the next chapter! Hopefully this G. Petrocelli shows up!
| a-random-writer chapter 3 . 6/5/2012
Hello from the Roadhouse!
I must admit, I'm a bit confused by Sidney and Scottie's relationship. I don't know what happened in the past aside from Scottie leaving on the regatta and not coming back.
So far, there's been a lot of dialogue and not a lot of description. I'm left with the feeling of not knowing what type of setting this is in, aside from an island and I don't really have a clue what the characters look like, or who they are.
So far though, a good start.
| Marla's Found chapter 4 . 6/5/2012
"What?" Sidney asked, getting up to look at Anne's computer, "Wow." Sidney said, looking at the dark skin, thick black hair and brilliant smile.
"He got a second head or something?" ****Love "dad" - that's a great line!
Looking forward to meeting Mr. P (the gorgeous guy)
| TonyL chapter 4 . 6/5/2012
I can not wait to see where you are going with this story. Your chapters are crisp and clean as I said before and easy to read.
You're doing a good job in building up the drama
Another excellent chapter.
| TonyL chapter 3 . 6/5/2012
""Just don't pull you're 'I'm an island' and freak out." ...What a great imaginative descriptive sentence. I really like. In fact I wish I had thought of it.
Very nice seduction
| TonyL chapter 2 . 6/5/2012
Another nicely written chapter. You wrote the sexual tension between Bruce and Sydney very well.
Now I am curious as to why he did not come back
| Marla's Found chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
I really liked this line: "You've moved up from weird weekend warrior to potential." I like how this was phrased: Sidney sat out on the deck of the sailing office, watching the sun sink down low over the water. She held a beer lazily in one hand. Mookie was asleep at her feet. The world seemed to be slowing down **** I really felt like I was sitting there with a beer in my hand - nicely written.
***OOOpss...you dashed my hopes for a romance with Steve - I think I'll read the next chapter before I pass judgment! :)
I like this story it's easy to read and the characters have...well, character! Thank you for writing about dogs too - love them.
| TonyL chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
The chapter is written crisply and clean; not to many adjectives.
You captured the atmosphere of a marina bar very nicely ( I know I have been in enough of them)
A cross between Mila Kunis and a goddess; what a great description, I wish I could see this girl.
I'm hooked I enjoyed the chapter and plan on continuing reading.
| Michodell chapter 1 . 6/4/2012
I really like Steve. He's a little goofy and his dialogue makes me laugh.
Sidney seems cool so far. A little aloof but friendly.
I was actually really intrigued with the story line and the characters. I like light hearted romances and this gave me that vibe right away.
Your writing style is nice and I didn't have to struggle through in order to figure out what was going on.
The only bit of criticism I can give is to maybe not have so many scene cuts. It was a little hard to focus and determine where they were all the time.
Overall, nice chapter! I'm looking forward to reading more.
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 6/4/2012
I really love your opening lines. Mila Kunis mixed with a goddess is a really cool description. Your hook is really great.
As to everything else, really nice work. Your dialogue is quite natural and fun, and it just feels really real.
Your style is fun and natural, flows very smoothly.
Only problem I had, really, was telling the characters aoart from each other by their speaking style. They should be a bit more unique.
But overall, really awesome work!
| Rin Arnand chapter 4 . 6/1/2012
There is a lot of dialogue in this story, but not very much description. I know writing details can be boring, but without them it feels like the interactions in the story are all a little too rushed. Also, I never got a clear picture of why Sid was interested in Raleigh. She just liked the way he looks? If there's something more than that, it'd be nice to see some explanation of how they came to like each other.
I'm really impressed that you managed to make the characters "real" in my mind even with so little description. That takes a lot of skill.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 2 . 6/1/2012
Hello from the RH!
I really enjoyed this setting of the ocean that you're using, because it's new to me. Not in real life, but in literature. I live in Florida and I'm pretty close to the beach, and I think you've captured the more mellow, laid-back tone I always imagine when I think of the beach or the people who go out there. I also really liked the inclusion of the dogs Mook and Lae'ula (love that name, by the way. Very exotic and different, yet also easy to pronounce). It's not very often that people include animals into their stories and give them the importance of a somewhat main character, to it's always refreshing to stumble across it when authors do it.
Also, I gotta love the conversations between the guys - they're pretty funny and they act just like I'd imagine guys like them to act, always trying to impress the ladies and quarreling over who a cute girl might be attracted to. This relationship Sidney has with Bruce is very intriguing, because at the beginning of this chapter I thought they had slept together since they're both in their underwear, but then I later saw she made him sleep in the guest room. I chuckled at that, and especially at how she admits she wished he had tried coming onto her. Honestly, after picturing what Bruce looks like, I gotta admit I can't blame her for thinking like that. xD