|Reviews for Goodbye, Blue Sky|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 7 . 2/19
I feel like you’re skimming over a lot of what could make this really strong. There isn’t a lot to immerse the reader in this world, and the descriptions are quite sketchy. It needs to feel real, solid, to really grab the reader’s attention and keep it gripped. Check out some dystopian novels; Hunger Games, Osiris, to name two. Pay attention to how the authors describe the world the characters live in, how they use different words for what are, to us, normal, everyday objects. At the moment, there’s not a whole lot to make this really stand out. You introduce a lot of characters, too, and again, it feels like you almost skim over them, which makes it harder for the reader to follow who is who. Maybe slow down the pacing, try to add a little bit more description to make it less dialogue heavy. Good luck, and hope this helps.
| A Perfect Sonnet chapter 2 . 1/20
I have no idea what's happening at this point, to be honest, although it feels like that's the way you intend it. Apart from that, I like your sense of humor and the way it subtly spikes through the dialogue.
| A Perfect Sonnet chapter 1 . 1/20
"The comicbooks are coming alive." Absolutely love it.
You have a rather striking way with ideas. More than the words themselves, it's the associations coupled with them that make your writing a great read.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 96 . 1/6
Decided to review these last two chapters under one review since they're short chapters...
Sad to see this story end, but it ended so perfectly. Kind of teared up a bit there. I could visualize everything so well. I want to say thank you for writing this. I seriously enjoyed reading it, and still would love to see it made as a comic! You had some good imagery in here that helped bring it to life in ways that a plain writer like me never could. I can still imagine the hues of grey and red I pictured so clearly in some of these chapters! Great job! I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
| J.Kuzzey chapter 94 . 1/6
Daaaamn, son. This was a tense chapter. The conflict between Andrei and Alex has been going on since before the story even started, and here it comes to smashing point. It felt believable and in character, which is the only thing I was even remotely concerned for when I assumed this little fight would reach this point. I understand both points clearly, and at this point, I love both characters a lot. So it was tough to pick sides! Love that! Kept the drama going well. Now shit is about to literally come crashing down on everyone. Damn. Just damn, son.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 93 . 1/6
ANDREI! He has changed SO much from the beginning of the story. Of course, though, with all that he's been through who wouldn't? I love that you made the change over time subtle, but then when I come back to this story after so long, with a faint memory of the beginning, I can clearly see the difference. It wasn't as though he was a different person after just one chapter. Yet even if I never hear his name, I just know it's him.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 92 . 1/6
Holy crap I am BEHIND! Excited to check in on this and see I have so much waiting for me :)
I love how you got me to really care for the King, despite everything, in this one chapter. Reminded us all that a King is still just a human at the end of the day. I may have teared up a bit there at the end, haha. Honestly leading up to this point, he was just this symbol, and occasionally a shadowy figure but he didn't seem to stand out. Now if I go back and read through this again I will have a different view on the character. He made me laugh a bit during that conversation with Cyrus! Still, such a way to end the chapter! Gotta see what happens next.
| TheApocalypseIsNear.Maybe chapter 1 . 12/7/2013
I don't know what this is going to be about, but the name got my attention, because, you know, Pink Floyd, and then the description, I knew it for sure, then in the flesh, division bell, if this is going to be a fiction that was born from Pink Floyd, I'm reading it, don't even know what it's about yet.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 91 . 9/15/2013
"I didn't know you cared. - The guard frowns. "No prob."
Fuckin' lol'd. Lots of building up the last couple o' chapters. Guards are kind of buttholes still, haha, but that's what I expect out of them. I have assumed since the beginning that they're probably well trained in such areas. Man, how much time has passed anyway? It feels like Shiro's been hanging around there forever, not sure how the poor guy is still sane. Though I'm not sure if he was ever completely sane haha. It was cool to see a guard really interested in the 'legend.' I feel like he kind of echoed my feelings when he said: "If he doesn't show up after all this build-up. I'm gonna be really disappointed." but if that last section is any indication I think we won't be disappointed!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 6 . 9/8/2013
Maybe it’s because the paragraphs are so short, but I feel like in parts this is quite jumpy. Maybe try slow the pace down, lengthening some of the paragraphs and using the surroundings and emotions of the characters to add a bit more to it. The last section was confusing – you may want to edit it so it’s clearer who is who. You don’t say who the female character with them is, you just refer to Jack, so when it says ‘she’ it’s unclear who you’re talking about. Same with the last but one section. Don’t just refer to characters as she or he, especially the first time you refer to them in a scene. As it is, I don’t really feel like we know the characters all that well. Like I said, a bit more emotion/reactions could really add something. Good luck, and hope this helps.
| True Talker chapter 91 . 9/7/2013
Reading this makes me want to read more. Why? I am curious. I just always am.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 90 . 8/12/2013
Oh... my gosh... I just realized you updated this on my birthday... awesome.
Loved the beginning paragraph there. Definitely gives an excellent visual and feel. A line that kind of made me laugh was: 'All of us try to pretend we're not here to stand around and do nothing.' Pretty much sums up working any type of security/guard job I've ever worked haha. Also really liked this lil' quote right here: "Perhaps it's a flaw of all human beings... Trying to seek meaning in everything we see." You always managed to throw in something that makes me stop and think for a moment, or it'll pop up later inside my head.
Aw man, tense little conversations in this chapter. I felt on edge the entire time. Last message delivered by Lion, huh? He's making it sound like the end of the world is here... and you're certainly hyping it up that way. Good way to end a chapter, that scene with Cyrus.
| True Talker chapter 90 . 8/11/2013
Reading this made me think. And it helped me to imagine this world in this story.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 5 . 8/8/2013
I really like the way you’re building things up, and you have a couple of lines of great description in there. Works nicely to draw the reader in more. The only thing I will say is just to slow down the pacing in some parts; have a little more emotion, reaction, on the part of the characters, so we can get to know them a bit more. How are they acting? Are they tense, relaxed? Show us these things. Just a suggestion. Other than that, really not much more I can say. Good stuff.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 89 . 8/3/2013
Wow, they have done a number on Shiro. You've created an incredibly bleak atmosphere in these recent chapters. I'm waiting for some kind of hope to shine through. I'm not really complaining about it, though. To be honest, it feels a bit more real. The reality of situations like you've created is never beautiful. It's going to be chaos if the Reapers try to do some sort of "surge" down in the tunnels or something. I'm holding out hope that Shiro is completely sane and just trying to lure them into something catastrophic, haha. Very unlikely, though. Oh, Lion! It was a surprise to see him as the guard, but it was nice to see their interaction. A good little way to cut off the chapter (cliff-hanger! why do you do this?!)