Reviews for Wolfy Instincts
adeventurousana chapter 4 . 6/1/2012
Beautifully Written! Can not wait for the next chapter!
adeventurousana chapter 3 . 5/31/2012
I really like how you did Avery's POV can't wait to read more!
Lippitydo chapter 3 . 5/30/2012
This was officially the first story I read and liked since returning to fictionpress after about 5 years! Very cute so far, I like your writing style. Keep going!
Crumblin'Cookies chapter 3 . 5/30/2012
Awesome story! hope you update soon!
Crimson Yardena chapter 3 . 5/30/2012
omg it is soooooooo good i like that you changed the pov that is some time good but it is good here if that makes any sence.
adeventurousana chapter 2 . 5/28/2012
No! You can't do that! It is so unfair! Grrrr! It is so good I love it. Please write more! And hurry :) please!
Allium chapter 2 . 5/28/2012
Getting good!
RomanceObsessed chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
i like it so far
Kangae no Hinansho chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
YAY! Werewolves! XOXOXO. You had a couple of grammatical errors that seemed to be mostly the product of typos. like typing their instead of they're or his instead of him. There were times where the flow jarred a bit. You should try varying your syntax ever so often. You do what I see a lot of writers here do, which is ignore the dramatic purpose of the comma. You use it correctly for grammatical purposes though! Which is something because I have come across people who don't do that.

But what I mean by the dramatic purpose is like this::

You wrote:: "I got up and brushed myself off, cringing as I looked down at my wrist. I touched it and immediately pain shot through my arm. I hissed. My back was turned toward the boy."

You could write:: "Getting up, my back to the boy, I brushed myself off and cringed as I looked down at my wrist. I touched it, hissing as pain immediately shot through my arm."

Using commas helps to create syntax variety which allows things to flow. Think of a period as a stop sign. You're brain lurches to a stop at the end of a sentence. A comma is like a yield sign. You're brain does a brief pause before continuing. You did a good job using the period for dramatic affect when you wrote ::"I stopped growing in sixth grade. Literally. My doctor was appalled that, after three years, I hadn't gained more than five pounds and I was barely 5'." This drives home that Jayda is abnormal.

There is still a little issue with characterization. You describe Avery but the description of Jayda is minimal. I guess I am weird because others have told me that most people never think about these things, but I like to know a lot about characters. I like to know everything about how they look so that when I read, the story runs like a movie. I'm not just reading words, I am seeing people moving around. What does Jayda look like? I know she is 5ft tall and flat and skinny. What colour is her hair, what colour is her eyes, and (this is the part where my friends are like "I never think about asking this...") what colour is her skin? (so many people leave this out and i am forced to make the character look how i want).

I am happy to see you are getting more reviews! Keep on writing!

Allium chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
I like it! You should write more.
adeventurousana chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
I love this story so far. I can't wait tell you add more chapters!
Crimson Yardena chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
it is epckley asom
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