|Reviews for Let's Play a Game|
| heyitsstupidme chapter 1 . 12/31/2012
That was amazing and I'm happy I found it.
The characters, their emotions and actions, you described everything very well and it just draw me in. The end was perfect. Nothing final, just a hint. The reader knows what will probably happen next, but nothing about their future.
I really enjoyed reading it.
| skylove chapter 1 . 12/1/2012
Haha love it!
| no-ones-puppet chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
aww, so cute. It really was. The plot was creative, yet simple, so it was able to flow really well, and as the reader you were able to actually kind of get into Simmy's head during the whole ordeal. :)
The one thing that happened with me though is that I kept picturing Simmy as a winged Atlantean demon... lol. It's from a book series, but she has a "greek" master so it fit well and I kept wanting to read, "I can eat the heifer-goddess?" but it never came. lol. I'm wondering if you got any inspiration from there, or was it more seme, meaning "the attacker" in yaoi? :)
Either way, cute. :D
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
Alright! So, seeing as this is the third (I think) story I've read by you, I've noticed a reoccurring, if reasonably minor, issue. When you're writing dialogue, oftentimes you split to a new paragraph even when the speaker is still the same. I've seen this issue go the opposite way with beginning writers way too often (i.e., they *don't* cut to a new paragraph when they have a new speaker, and it's confusing as hell), but it's also confusing on the flip side. Whenever I see a new paragraph of dialogue, I think it's someone else speaking, and it takes me a second to realize that it's still the same one. Example early on of this:
"Too cold!" the standing male, Simmy, exclaimed in fake outrage, pumping out his fists.
"Heathen! Blasphemous rogue! You defile thy religion, Nik, you ice-cream hating person, you!"
Instead of writing it like that, just put it together: "Too cold!" the standing male, Simmy, exclaimed in fake outrage, pumping out his fists. "Heathen! Blasphemous rogue! You defile thy religion, Nik, you ice-cream hating person, you!" Then the reader knows Simmy's still speaking.
Also, when you're narrating the story from an omnipresent third person perspective (which you mostly seem to be doing in this piece) you can technically identify your characters any way you like (Simmy the blue-eyed teenager the blonde the skater-boy), *however*, since these are original characters and brand new to the reader as soon as you start the story, I would recommend for clarity's sake, and simply for making the prose smoother and easier to read, that you try to limit yourself when using alternative forms of identifying your characters. The more variations there are, the easier it is for the reader to lose track of who, exactly, "the blue-eyed teenager" is. If it's simply "Simmy" throughout, it's much harder to get mixed up.
I feel kind of bad for being nit-picky like that, but you write very, very well. I love your descriptions. I love the voice of your characters, and I laugh often when I read your stuff, so I suppose I just want to help you work out those kinks so that your writing can properly shine. I've really enjoyed reading your work so far; thank you for sharing!
| Cheondoong chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
You are. A god. Yes.
Sexiness must be exuding from your fingers because damn, you had me hooked. If there were errors in this, I didn't notice and disregarded them completely because I simply needed to read. The. Next. Word.
| Amblexis chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
Oh my gosh, Draco! That was great!
A few punctuation and tense errors, but nothing super major. It flowed fantastically and had me giggling at multiple points. Especially at what you said about teenage girls being total pervs. So true!
You are a genius, and as always the work you produce is the perfect mix of ingenuity, humor, and sexy. I'm so flattered you decided to take on this challenge and I couldn't have created a better contextual story myself.
Thanks so much, and Keep Writing!
(I'm still waiting for a neo origins update. ;)
| Yoggurt chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
That was...Perfect *-*
"Let's play a game" ...I died at that last sentence.
And that game became part of there every day life...except there's a new rule called "your not aloud to say yes"
| EmeraldReporter chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
I WANT CH. 02!
| Turquoise-Haired Mage chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
wow nice i think you should keep going with this it'd be a great story well thanks for the read.
| Persephone95 chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
O.o so awesome, thr was so sweet and hot, and i loved the characters and the nervousness. I love how they were nervous and it makes it seem more realistic. I know you probably wont write more about this two characters, but i liked them very much. Thanks!
| pinote007 chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
Awww! I'm so cheesy. I wanted a story that finished nicely. And yours did! Thanks a lot! :D
I really enjoyed this.
See you in another review! ;)
| OnceUponAFeudalFairytale chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
Omigosh! That was effin' hot! And besides that, I thought the story was really cute...well as cute as two hotties in bed together can get anyways!
| marginal-utility chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
'Okay, so maybe the blonde hadn't made his best bud aware of that last part yet, but it was only due to guy code that Nik didn't know that for the last couple months, Simmy would have gladly crawled on his belly, across broken glass, nails and other sharp painful burny things, for the chance to suck Nik's knob.' XD thats the best line ever.
And i agree with Simmy, lesbian porn is such a turn-off.
| Raaawr Ima Dinosaur chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
This was great, although I am slightly disappointed with the lack of smutty goodness lol. Great job :)