|Reviews for On Our Way|
| kate800 chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
Good story! Nice long chapter here. are you going to continue it? You should! I only found a few things wrong with it. What does the food look, smell, taste like? I want to be able to experience it along with the characters. Another thing is some of the reactions aren't too realistic. I'm sure Josephine wouldn't leave Arnino alone with her children when she realized Thor actually murdered someone! Wouldn't she consult further? Be afraid of him? Say something more than "that's ghastly"? Just a thought. Also, it seems in some ways more like a diary. This isn't something wrong, just my opinion (cause I like a lot of detail) is that time seems to be moving pretty fast. You sometimes just tell what she does instead of doing it from her point of view. Also, Thor didn't know about Arnino staying all night at Josephine's house. Wouldn't he wonder where she'd been, or be upset about the fact that she didn't tell him she was staying all night? The only other problem I had with it was that I had no idea she was pregnant until you made the babies born. It was kind of a shock, and also confusing.
I love Thor! I'm usually attracted to guy characters for some strange reason, but he seems like the strong, hard-headed type of guy that's soft in places. I love that. If you're going to continue that story (which I highly suggest you should; maybe make it about how they cope in America. Do they all make it through Ellis Island? I'm so curious now!) You should keep that character strong. I love Thor. He's my all-around favorite character.
All in all, you have a really good story here. You don't have to listen to all my advice, I tend to rant and get very picky. Write how you enjoy writing, and you'll go far! I'm just suggesting things from my point of view. Not like you'd value a stranger's opinion anyway. This story has much potential and keeps me guessing about what might happen next. Wow. This is the longest review I've ever written. Anyway, this is getting added into my favorites! :)