|Reviews for Make It Nasty|
| unthinkable123 chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
Definitely option 'A'
| Karma1220 chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
| gunner-girl chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
I think you should explain more about Logan. But shorten it a little-passing time a little quicker maybe? When Emery comes, I think he should realize how much he likes her and figure his shit out. And Darrel? He needs to lighten up. Maybe Logan and Darrel should have a conversation and maybe let them be together OUTSIDE of the house. I don't want to make it sound like I want this to be a fairy tail or something, so I think there should be pushing and tugging between Darrel and him-what about Jimmy? Has she ever gotten her phone back? Maybe she should catch up on that when she gets back also. PLEASE don't let me wait THREE months for the next update-but I loved you when I saw chapter '13'. Punctuation is good, didn't see many typos at ALL. Peace, review, and fav my stories ya'll
| Livie chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
| foxyricanlady chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
Hey welcome back. i think you should do a little of both a & b like what its been like for emery this last five months like as well as logans too. does she still have feeling for him or still hurt for the way things when down. i think you should make her a like distance when she comes back a little cold if you will.
| 3rd Bookworm chapter 13 . 12/5/2012
a I want emery back
| ASouthernLady chapter 13 . 12/4/2012
Do the "A" path. I really think that Jimmy and Logan as the same person!
| Guest chapter 13 . 12/4/2012
I would go with A, I want to know what happens to their relationship and Logan's life while she's gone is kinda irrelevant right? Also you said you only wanted it to be 15 chapters. I rather you cut out the Logan details then the needed ending.
| Kaylianna Marie chapter 12 . 11/29/2012
Wow. I feel so bad for Emery. This whole chapter she's felt like shit, and now her mom is sending her away. Please update soon! I can't wait to see what happens next! :)
| Nita The Scene chapter 12 . 11/15/2012
This was an awesome story I read every chapter for 2 weeks straight I can't wait to see what happens next I hope you can update soon! :)
Also I would love it, when you have the time if you could check out a story I'm writing called My Best friend's Brother. I would really love to hear what you'd think of it, your story was amazing.
Keep up the good work,
| Guest chapter 12 . 11/15/2012
UM OK SO
i need the rest stat
| LaserStrike chapter 11 . 11/13/2012
Argh come on and update already...I'm literally dying to know what's going to happen next...if I die then that's MURDER, and I'm too young and beautiful to endure such a fate, and you're too talented to endure jail! :P
| Guest chapter 5 . 10/27/2012
ok I'm going to give some constructive criticism because I know as a writer we want feedback on the actual aspects of our story NOT just praise! (no matter how great the story is)
I'm only on Chpt. 4 here is what I think so far:
Emery: I love that she is funny and herself but I don't quite understand what she looks like still. Not sure why... is she mixed? Full black? Dominican? I don't know! lol. Also, I can't say I totally like her yet for some reason. I don't think as a reader we get enough alone time with her. I like the first chapters when she is talking to her cat and singing about ice cream but after that her character as a whole dulls and it's hard to connect with her. I think it has to do with the extreme contradictions of her character: She's a tomboy who is boy-crazy but she is also great looking (the hottest player in school wants her), (btw why has she been single so long besides the lesbian thing? Is it by choice or that she hasn't wanted anyone but Logan EVER?), has girlfriends but thinks girls are catty, is super rich with lots of great clothes but chooses to wear guy clothes (I wish I was her friend I would take those clothes off her hands!). At some points she seems super confident but others the complete opposite. She is a bit wishy washy. Still lovable. But confusing!
Logan: Ok I have to admit it's the same with Emery. I loved logan at first in the kitchen/icecream scene. He seemed down to earth, funny and sexy! However, as I kept reading I really started to dislike him. I'm not sure if that is your intentions as a writer but yeah...he comes off like a douchebag (incessantly calling her "Darrell's sister"...that's just immature!). I think you should add more one-on-one scenes with just him and Emery so that the reader can see the REAL Logan because at this point I'm thinking, "ok WHY does she like this jerk who insults her, treats her like a maid and doesn't have the decency to say her name?" Not to mention Logan is a man-whore! Point out any talents or passions he has. It will make him seem more real and relatable rather than just a character, because so far I'm still rooting for her to get him but...am I REEAAALLY? He seems like...just not a great guy to be with.
Darrell: Darrell is cute as the protective big brother role and so far I feel bad for the guy because it seems he kind of knows whats going on between his friend and his sister. I'm not sure what to make of him. As a reader it's a bit uncomfortable whenever Emery and Logan have their "secret moments" in front of him, can someone say awkward?! I love Darrell but he is a bit overbearing in the story and just gets in the way! Lol, which I suppose is normal in the "brothers best friend" cliches. I feel sorry for him though because I know if my best friend dated my brother I would be disgusted and the friendship would most likely die. Again, try to add more private Logan Emery scenes so that her brother isn't always road killing their moments together! haha
Her friends: I like them, they are cute. I still haven't a clue what they look like besides their hair. And also they need a bit more development (What are their hobbies, their backgrounds, their race, how long have they been friends? etc.) (you have to remember that though you know the whole story and the background your readers don't so don't assume we know that they have been bff's for life, tell us!)
Their Parents: Are nowhere in sight? Where are they by the way?! Do they never come home from work? Lol
Things I noticed:
-I don't know if you ever mentioned where they live (unless I didn't see it) (up north I'm assuming?)
-you're great at dialog but don't forget to add setting! What does the kitchen look like? Is the club loud, with thumping music and thick, liquor filled musk? Is it chilly outside when her and logan go? Is it night time? Is the sun setting over the horizon?! lol that one is a little corny but just don't forget to describe the surroundings so the reader can better picture it in their head
-one person already mentioned this but you do mention the color of Logan's topaz eyes quite often and he bites his lip almost TOO much lol, even if it's a cute habit of his character it makes him seem like he does it spazingly so. Also you described some of the aspects of what Emery looks like twice (Like the long dyed hair, shoe size (6!), height, eye color etc).
-Also I noticed in the first few chapters they were in school then the next in summer break! It took me by surprise because there wasn't active mention of it
-Again your dialog and character movement is ON POINT, I wish I was as good as dialog as you are, and your vocabulary and grammar is excellent to, nothing bad to say there!
My last advice would be to not give up on the story and continue to develop them. If you have trouble with character development and personalization try to base them off of real people you know. What are the things they say? What do they do? What are their quirks that make them THEM?" And REALLY let us get to know Emery, because she is the one we are following through the whole ordeal! Also, does Emery make good grades? What is her career goals? Does she have any talents? I don't know if it's mentioned later but it would be cool of her to have a talent or do something, maybe sports or she could be a writer like you? Whatever you wan't! So far Darrell is the only one with a talent and a dream.
again I'm only to chpt 4! I'll keep reviewing as I read
| Guest chapter 4 . 10/27/2012
I'm surprised in the reviews no one is remembering the fact that the person Logan bumped into at the event had a 'feminine voice." She never stated if it was a guy or girl so I'm guessing it's either a chick or a gay guy?
| Whansbee chapter 12 . 10/18/2012
Dramaz! I must say though, that part where Logan didn't kiss her seemed a little OOC.
Having said that, I see how it serves as a plot twist to get her to have a melt-down, have a spat with her mum and get sent away to the school.
Great writing though. Can't wait for an update (YAY!)