|Reviews for Welcome to the House of Wolves|
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
I really liked how disjointed you made the soul feel. I think you did a really good job at creating that inner chaos and confusion that you would feel in a situation like that, i.e. he’s just died and he finds himself wandering around purgatory aimlessly. I also like the whole idea of a jazz bar as a metaphor for life and death, and I think it was creepy that they all had the same face.
I didn’t really care for how fast the pace was. You don’t have any paragraphs, there just sentences, and I think that does a disservice to the story that you’re trying to tell, because it really is fascinating stuff that you have here. If you were trying to show his inner monologue by being stylish like that I think there might be better ways to achieve that. Keep up the good work.
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
[He stopped dead...] Lol. A dead person stopping dead. ;P H'okay, ignore me, moving on...
[The lack of light made it look almost aflame.] Do you mean the lack of light in the surrounding area? As it is, this sentence seems counter-intuitive. Why would something that lacked light look aflame - but if you mean that the place itself *was* alight, in contrast to everything else, then it makes sense. Just currently, that's not what the sentence says.
I love the imagery set up, though. Very gritty and inticing at the same time. I would probably end up stuck in purgatory, too. Ah well - there are probably worse things than to be dancing for all of eternity. :)
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
[Style] I liked the short lines here. A lot of times I think they could have been too abrupt, but in this case they added a sort of prose-poetry feel.
[Characters] I didn't get much of a sense on who this character was, and I maybe would have liked some insight as to his internal personality. As is, the reader only has a clear concept of his actions but not his motivation.
[Setting] I think you managed to accurately capture the atmosphere of your setting here. There was a very dark and gloomy feel to it.
[Pace] I think your pace was good. I never felt too rushed or that you dragged things on for too long.
| Mc Mac chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
I liked this very much and I am not one to read short pieces. I actually found myself feeling bad for this lost soul. Him wanting to leave but being glued to the floor struck me. That is when I really felt for him knowing he couldn't leave. Then when you say he supposed it was a choice, a moral thing. He doesn't even know he is dead. Very strong.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
I enjoyed the atmosphere set up in this piece. In just a few sparse sentences, you conjured an image of a place that hovers neither over black or white, and the ending just about confirmed it. The mystery over the surroundings extended to the nameless woman at the bar and 'the soul' who wanders in.
The only criticism I can come up with is that there could have been a more definite link between the story itself and the title. It would have made for a more full piece, had you explored the wolfish theme and died it to the supernatural realm alluded to here. Nonetheless, this is still a good piece. Well done.
| OneOriginalThing chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
I like how you hint at things mostly, and how you give subtle hints to whats going on in this house of wolves. I also like how it mirrors that once you make a choice you have to stick with it, and how it could mean so many things. It's kind of like a poem it takes a while to decode but it is intresting, it also has a mysterious tinge which I absolutely love, and I like how he wanders to the house, and basically what's going on and how you set it all up.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Tell me I'm an angel
Take this to my grave
Tell me I'm a bad man
Kick me like a stray
I totally know that song.
REVIEW LOVE! Lovely story! :3
"This scared the soul, and he wanted to leave. He wanted to leave with all his heart but something kept him glued to the floor. He couldn't break away. He was locked in the dance. He was locked in the dance forever, and nothing could save him." That's so creepy. D:
Dude, our reviews don't even meet the easy-fix requirements any more.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
"House of Wolves" is an awesome song.
I love the word "color" just set apart from the rest of the story. Pretty epic.
Yes. I think I love this. This disjointed narration, the senselessness of it all... excellent.
| UltraAgnostic chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
I LIKE it. Poetic. Good stuff.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
Wow, you've got a lot packed into a short piece!
You've got an interesting stylistic thing going on, with this one-line formatting. It makes it hard to get into the story sometimes, but as a whole, it gives the whole thing a poetic quality without having to overdo the descriptions. It also distills this to what is really important-you don't lose yourself in unnecessary thought or action. Especially when you're piecing things together so much, I really appreciated knowing that every word was important.
Descriptions, descriptions. You have some really lovely ones in here, and not just specifics word choices or images, but entire concepts. I love the way you start this off. It's not exactly a contrast because they're entirely different things, but I love how the image of black/white and the feeling of humidity work together. Then you layered in jazz music, the bass, and the "smokey" voice of the singer. It's like you kept layering different elements and senses on as the world was built.
Generally, you word choice was pretty spot-on. Like I said, you make each word carry a lot of weight, so I can tell you chose them wisely. Just one I want to point out:
[There was a gargantuan sign] Gargantuan is a bit of an awkward word, almost like it came straight out of a thesaurus. I think you could do a lot with the imagery of this sign, with so many images of signs above the gates of Hell and all that.
While I'm nitpicking, syntax! You fell into a trap that I know I fall into all the time. I'm not sure how to technically describe it, but you have a lot of sentences with a similar structure:
[The few people who weren't dancing were sitting at the bar, smoking.]
[The soul stood in the doorway awhile, observing.]
You get where I'm going? I can tell it's particular to your style and the style of the piece, but be careful not too use it too much or too close together.
Another was the very last line, which is a shame because it was emotionally very strong. "the woman he was dancing with said." That's just so bulky. I actually really like the choice of ending with a dialogue tag-it sort of leaves the reader hanging-but this one is just bulky in its wording. Maybe you could get away with just "the woman said?"
Anyway, the story itself! I think it all comes together with the line "The soul supposed it was a choice, some kind of moral thing." Of course, you were referring to the main character as "the soul" the whole time, which gave this an otherwordly quality, but that sort of managed to slip under my radar for a while, so this line was the first time I stopped and realized that there was something not quite natural about the setting. And the portrayal of purgatory-wow! I don't know, it seems like there's so much meaning to the idea of the people at the bar vs. the people dancing and their inability to switch, but at the same time, it just says so much in itself without having to go deeper.
Good stuff happening, good stuff. I really enjoyed picking this apart and mulling it over. It gave me a lot to think about.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
You’ve got pretty much one line per paragraph. Personally, that bugs me – but it’s a stylistic thing so I’ll ignore that in favour of something more constructive. In any case, some of those things could go together. It might be a tad more effective to group sentences exploring the same idea into a paragraph so the breaks become more monumentous. Your images come out a tad overly bold for the language you employ in your summary and the second half of your fic. Perhaps just a little easing into the scene at the beginning? Either that or cutting a bit of the unnecessary descriptions; it turns into a bit of a paradigm if you’re too outspoken.
On the other hand, I do like the imagery and concepts you’ve portrayed. Reminds me of the story of how Satan will lead some souls to hell by playing beautiful music. Particularly your last line. On a more earthly level, it seems to represent some degree of lust, as well as…well, suicide almost. Perhaps I’m reading too into this, but I like it that way so it’s fine.
“They were soundless and empty, so full of nothing that he could cry” – that line reads a little oddly.
| cellophanediamond chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
This is seriously awesome!
Dancing forever doesn't seem that bad... or maybe that's just me.
Gosh, though. The faces all looking the same is seriously creepy...
Anyway, I love it:) Especially the ending.
P.P.S. tell me I'm a bad man, kick me like a stray...
| Who Is This Girl Anyway chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
This was an interesting idea and an unusual representation of Purgatory. Oddly, it reminded me of one of the versions of Cinderella I'd read- the wicked stepmother was forced to dance through the town through red-hot iron shoes until she dropped down dead from exhaustion. You portrayed this in a novel way, so I'd personally be interested in seeing where this leads.
However, I think a little more description would be a good idea as it would bulk this story out a bit and help add to the concept of Purgatory as a nightclub. It's an original idea, and it seems a shame not to give a closer insight.
I did notice one small mistake on the final line, where "Purgatory" ought to be capitalised, but there's not really much else I can think of.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
I've noticed with a lot of your stories that you have only one line per paragraph. This makes everything seem very bare bones, so I think it might do better if you were to combine most of these lines into a few paragraphs since a lot of them pertain to the same subject anyways, or add more information for each line and expand on the idea to make it more meaty. The rhythm you create by only have one lined paragraphs is very... jolting and irregular.
Other than that, I really liked the content. I thought it was a cool idea to have these people stuck in purgatory dancing, because I've always imagined purgatory being a dreary place people shouldn't want to go to. But this kinda makes it not seem so bad.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
OH. Finally an MCR song that I know! lol
I liked the ending of this flash because I thought it was a haunting twist and you did a good job making it very final-sounding and everything.
I also liked the dialogue better in this piece because the one "Dance" part was grammatically correct, which was nice. The dialogue flowed really well. I liked the whole atmosphere of this piece because I thought it matched up with the MCR song well too.