|Reviews for Stay in the Light|
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Showing vs. telling. That's the problem here. There are too many sentences in a row with simple, declarative sturcture, and it doesn't quiet read like a scene. I'm not saying more imagery at all, I'm just saying less exposition and more internal monologue or something.
I like it other than that. The last paragraph is very good.
| a discordant combination chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
Oooh. Interesting and well written.
| kate800 chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
The only thing I can see wrong with it is that your sentences are a little choppy. Like, there are more periods than necessary. (sorry, not using a dictionary right now.) I could literally feel my heart aching around the time we started hearing about his family. You did a good job of having me get to know the character. You're very descriptive, and I felt like I was the character! Very good. Brad is awesome, I love that character. Too bad he had to die, he sounds like a pretty cool guy. Anyway, definately added to my favorites.
| walls-have-ears chapter 1 . 5/30/2012