|Reviews for Clash|
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
[A gust of wind whirls the dust between us, lifts up the tails of his long coat.] - - - it should be "lifting up the tails"
[His fedora's tilted over his eyes.] - - - the " 's " shouldn't be there.
[The psychic butterfly floats by my ear.] - - - nice. You have a talent for condensing information and imagery into short, sweet sentences. This is a very good skill for a writer to have.
Update: oh, you're being literal. In that case, be careful; the way you describe it, the "psychic butterfly" sounds like a metaphorical way of referring to Ven's conscience, rather than an actually butterfly assistant (I can't help but think of the fairies from the Legend of Zelda video games XD).
You do an excellent job of establishing the conflict of the scene almost immediately after the story starts. Normally, I can be bothered by this kind of sudden immersion into the plot, but, you do it just right.
[enough light to see.] - - - I would alter it to read: "enough light for me to see."
[that two heaven's knights] - - - "that two of heaven's knights"
[I have to end this now. I let him hit me for a while, only defending the vital spots. While I gather my internal energy.] - - - the period between "spots" and "while" should be a comma; also, I would consider replacing that same "while" with "as".
[And unleash the dogs of War."] - - - I think the "d" in "dogs" should be capitalized.
[as a column of iridescence erupts in front of me. And gradually starts to change form.] - - - "me, and gradually"
I like the ending, as well as the overall mood of this piece. It works nicely. I especially like the line "A rainbow myriad, intangible, indescribable."
It would be great to see more.
| a discordant combination chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
That was brilliant, and I didn't notice any mistakes. I loved your descriptions, your wording created a perfect atmosphere for the piece.
| Arrowkid chapter 1 . 5/31/2012
This is amazing!
I can't really say anything about errors only that I found this one.
An in a sudden flash of lightning.
I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be an and. But if I'm wrong and you meant an, please correct me :).