|Reviews for Follies|
| Guest chapter 18 . 3/5/2013
Have read everything in the series I enjoyed your writing very much.
| Guest chapter 10 . 3/4/2013
the lemon was fine, it fit the story
| Awesomesauce chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
I like it so far. The characters and their interactions make me smile and I like the clarity of your writing. Can't wait to read some more :)
| TheActualKarly chapter 5 . 9/22/2012
I could tell from the summary that your writing was good and you had an interesting plot. I love this story. Other than the occasional typo, I've seen nothing wrong. It is funny at times then leaves you guessing about the mysterious past of character's at others. Keep up the fantastic job!
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 7 . 7/13/2012
OH HE'S TALKING TO DAMIAN. I forgot about that, somehow. And now TJ's playing nice. HURR.
I'm wondering how you're going to pull so many viewpoint characters off. Right now, I don't think I like it, because it's hard to keep track of them all, and there isn't much in the way of a central plot.
I thought it said gum in the summary, and not gun. Heehee. I was so confused... *mind blown*
Well, I appreciate the amount of thought you're putting into all of the characters, even if it does get confusing. It shows the reader that this really is a whole world, with all the little details and things. The dialogue's gotten much better, too, and the reactions seem less dramatic.
Nice job. Keep writing. I'll try to keep reviewing, but no promises, haha.
These reviews brought to you by the Review Marathon, hosted by the Review Game. Check out link in profile for more info.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 6 . 7/13/2012
I'm an identical twin. You do a good job of showing their relationship. It's twin-like without going over the top, with telepathy and shit.
I also like this line: "Dad believed that corporal punishment was the way to go, and 98% of the time it was." It's interesting that he'd say that, since kids are usually against that sorta thing. Good characterization.
Love TJ's overreaction, haha. I know a lot of people would have the same idea, if they're boyfriend was on the phone with somebody.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 5 . 7/13/2012
Oh, psh, I like the lemony part. Don't worry about it! LOL.
I like the way you're slowly developing Holiday's scar. It works better this way, since we need to know more about his character before we can properly feel sympathy for him.
Not a big fan of all the paragraphs of exposition near the top. They slow the pacing down so much, and tey aren't very interesting. Even if it's important to the plot later, they aren't likely to be well-received since tehy don't seem important now.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 4 . 7/13/2012
His fight with TJ was sweet, and the make up too. It's nice that they don't make a huge deal out of things.
On the other hand, I feel like the conversation with Damian was a bit off. Arguments usually last longer on the internet, because people misinterpret eachother so much more in text than in person. So I feel like that should've taken longer.
I'm having problems finding the conflict of this story as a whole. I can see some little conflicts, but where's the central one? It'd help the story seem more focused if you could find a problem to stick to for several chapters.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
"Holiday was completely and totally passed out. I was on the left side of him and Ryan was on the right. No one sat next to October who was driving because I didn't want to leave Ryan and Holiday alone in the back of the car while Ryan didn't want to leave me and Holiday back their either. And October wouldn't have Holiday next to him because he would much rather kick Holiday out onto the busy street." See, this is the trouble with four major characters. It's hard to even know where people are sitting, haha. Make sure to be clear and stuff.
Good sexy scene. I like that you let his mind wander during it. It feels much more natural than if he's thinking "ohfuckohfuckofuck" the whole time. :/
I like how you're spending a long time in everybody's point of view, too. It helps with characterization, and makes it easier to connect with all the different characters.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
Alright. LET'S DO THIS SHIT.
Um... I love the way you show RyanxHoliday from October's point of view. To Ryan, it's a big deal, and to October, it's just some idiot making out with somebody else on the couch. Nice. Funny.
It's kind of hard to empathize with the characters at this point, and maybe because there isn't much differentiation in the POVs. So October sounds about the same as Ryan. Especially with internal monologue and such, it'd be better if there was a bigger difference in vocabulary and such.
I like the complexity here, with four major characters, even though it'll be hard as fuck to pull off. Complexity is always good. It helps the plot to not be all monogamous and boring.
Will read more.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Hi from the review marathon, brought to you by the review game, where we do super fun shit. I've been at this a while, so forgive me when I
when I crap out randomly and make blonde mistakes.
I like the storytelling here. It's got a very easy pace, and the amount of internal monologue gives it a really nice, free-flowing tone.
It might be that it's so early in the story, but some character reactions seem a little off. " 'You're not . . . You're not my father!' Holiday wailed." It seems a bit dramatic, even if he is drunk, haha.
I love the line "I just turned nineteen, like, three days ago so I'm lots legal." LOLOL. So funny.
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/4/2012
I'm canadian so i understand all your references.. Hazel!
I'm a little confused this chapter... If holiday and ryan spilt when ryan was 14 (and holiday was 17), why is it that holiday is now 19 and they've only been spilt for 6 months?
| Aletiah chapter 2 . 6/10/2012
Great chapter. Update soon!
| Aletiah chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
I love this!