Reviews for The Armageddon Scrolls
Dwynwen chapter 20 . 8/29/2012
Princess Irri joining forces with Charming wasn't something I saw coming.

If Wan Ting can survive the breath of TWO zombie dragons, Vincent and the others are in serious trouble.

"I would not want to witness a fight between the demon and the Angel, exciting though it may sound. The process and the outcome are certain to be traumatising in the extreme." - Well, that doesn't sound good.

I hope you feel OK soon.
DarkAngelGal chapter 20 . 8/26/2012
NOOOOO! Not the VA! Ok, if he died then it's time for my Rupert and the whole entire Angel Kingdom to get some demon guts! I can't believe the VA lost to someone as stupid as the fool!
Oh Kalpo...nuff said.
And skool is starting for me too...tommorrow. Ugh!
And u have a fever? Awww...i'm hope ur better soon!
Do Play With Fire chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Hi. I like your writing style, and there is character development so far. Yes! A lot of writers, including myself, have difficulty including some sort of character development when the characters are introduced. I liked the bit of humor in it too.
-Alex
Vivace.Assai chapter 19 . 8/21/2012
Sorry it took so long to get to this chapter... I tend to have moments of freedom before getting flooded with chapter alerts. But yes! Chapter title suggests I will meet the Ivory Engineer! Yeah! Engineers are awesome (and I am not saying that just because I want to major in engineering).

I liked how you began the chapter describing the size of the army. It makes it clear just what the protagonists are up against - they are fighting a very VERY large army. By showing the gravity of the situation, it allows readers to be realistic about what is happening. Clearly, Ehrenfeld is going against something big - something that's going to be hard to beat. I also enjoyed how you described how big the army was. By saying how long it took for the last soldier to be seen and how the soldiers spread out, you gave a clear indication that this is one massive army. Also, the description is quite ingenious since it's something people can easily understand and make assumptions from.

Okay, so the Ivory Engineer is a good-looking man in his twenties. That was slightly surprising but I do like how you have a variety of people be the Deathly Powers. You have a coy, pretty girl. You have a stately, philosophical and refined man. You have a tortured young man, a slightly dead scholar, a demon, a fanatic, and now an attractive engineer. The diversity in the characters is refreshing to see, since some stories only focus on a certain "build" of characters. You include every age and every attitude. It makes your cast diverse and intriguing to read. I also liked how you distinguished the Engineer through his language. It has an interesting accent to it, similar to how the Fool's bad grammar catches the eye. The dialogue adds yet another personality to the Engineer. And talking about personality, I like the Engineer. He's clearly very intelligent, and he's the type to be careful. He's cordial to Nixia but all of his answers show that he has his guard up against her. He just won't give in to her demands quickly and happily. He knows that it's dangerous giving her his trump cards. So he's an interesting character.

As for the Vermilion Angel, it's clear that he does quite believe that everything he is doing is right. His prayer before the Fool falls from the sky shows that he believes in a god. He feels that everything he is doing is guiding him towards the path of light. It's quite an interesting paradox considering that he is a necromancer - a performer of the dark arts. But I think this adds another depth to his character. He isn't just any old necromancer, interested in evil. He's a person interested in good but using the powers of evil to achieve his means.

So Prince Charming has been possessed by a Deathly Power! That's really an intriguing turn in plot. I was curious why Wan Ting mentioned the fact that there was a Deathly Power at Ehrenfeld (while Vincent and the other Deathly Powers were flying to the Vermilion Angel). It seems that it's because the Prince has been emitting Deathly Power energy; he is the Ghost Council itself (so the Fool didn't eat all of the Ghost Council then). I like this twist since it definitely puts the Prince at a different place. He's fighting for good, but unknowingly, he holds darkness within him. I expect a major conflict later in the story (or saga), since this is set-up for something quite bad.

And the ending with the Fool. I just love how he falls down and says he's going by "instinct." The Fool truly represents his attribute. I kind of pity the Angel though... I would never want to face a crazy monster like the Fool.

Overall, this was a rather nice chapter. I really like where the plot is progressing. These next few chapters are going to be good!

Signing off...

P.S.: Sorry if this review felt rushed... I'm starting school again tomorrow and I need to review a lot of stories by the end of today (so I'm kind of just writing what I think without much filter).
DarkAngelGal chapter 19 . 8/19/2012
Nooooo! VA is not your snack, Fool! Kick the Fool's ass! Not tht i hate the Fool but I am on Team Angel all the way! (See my username, lol) Also, just like to say, love the flight scene with the dragons! Anyway, i'd like to point out a few things (teehee):
Nixia's eyes widened in avarice at the sight of Richard Gear's balls. "Ooh, Richard! You promised to let me have a go." (Is it just me or does that sound wrong to you? XD)
Fool-I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYY!
Lijk- No one cares Fool, so GET THE FUCK READY!
...
Things are heating up! I'm excited to see what happens next! (And if the Fool eats the VA then i'm sending Rupert and the whole Angel kingdom down on him for revenge! lol!)
Dwynwen chapter 19 . 8/19/2012
The Vermillion Angel is a dangerous, destructive, merciless killer - and it's praying.

Good to see Kain and Eva again.

All the powers are converging onto one city. I get the feeling there aren't going to be any joyful family reunions between Charming and Nixia.
Dwynwen chapter 17 . 8/19/2012
The Fool ATE a Deathly Power? He sounds like an overgrown child.

"Must be something I eat…" - You don't say.

Wait a minute. They're considering throwing away an entire army, and then just raising another? Presumably they mean 'raising' as in zombies?
Booklooker chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
The description is amazing. The only bad part is you completely ripped that part off of Harry Potter. It ticks me off. But it is good.
Dwynwen chapter 15 . 8/15/2012
Vanessa is quite the character! Appearing naked before a prince takes gumption.

Giving the princes the same names as types of virtue is intriguing. It's like the Robin Hobb novels: there are three princes named Verity, Chivalry and Regal*.

If Aixin/Nixia is younger than Charming and Righteous, why is she the rightful heir?

*I find this rather ironic. Verity is a girl's name, Regal is (according to Wikipedia) anything but regal, and the main character is Chivalry's illegitimate son. Then again, Charming's brother appears to be anything but righteous.
Dwynwen chapter 14 . 8/15/2012
Nope, not Nixia. Oops.

So Vincent is afraid of Chk'lids? Interesting.

Vincent and Will argue just like real brothers do!

Irri is just as arrogant as Vincent is.

...Looks like Vincent's got that army he needs. But how is he doing to use it? Irri's in charge of the army, not him. And she probably won't tolerate Vincent trying to take it over.
Dwynwen chapter 13 . 8/15/2012
Vincent certainly does have a talent for annoying people, doesn't he? There seem to be a few important lessons he needs to learn.

"That bug you saved was a Chk'lid princess, and she has an army. One that she might put to your service." - Do you mean Nixia? Does that mean she and Vincent are going to become allies? Great! Wait...that's bad, isn't it?

Twelve aspects of humanity? That sounds well-thought out.
Dwynwen chapter 12 . 8/12/2012
"And I'll be riding six white horses when I come?" asked Nixia in delight.

"And they'll all go out to meet you when you come," replied Wan Ting indulgently. - Will she be coming round the mountain as well?

So Wan Ting *is* using Nixia - and she seems to be aware of it. That's interesting.
Dwynwen chapter 10 . 8/12/2012
So Wan Ting is using Nixia to gain power?

She seems to be just as ruthless as he is.
DarkAngelGal chapter 17 . 8/11/2012
Wow. Prince Charming sings one song and he already won over Ehrenfeld! lol! Anyway, great chapter! I'm eager to read more!
Vivace.Assai chapter 17 . 8/11/2012
[a handful of sub commanders who were needed at the war council not to speak, but rather to take orders] The phrasing here was slightly confusing. It was mostly the clause that I had issue with. The comma before “but rather take orders” made me slow in my reading which then confused me because “who were needed at the war council not to speak” doesn’t make sense when read alone. I would make the clause more to the point. Like maybe: “who were at the war council solely to take orders” or even something more succinct…

[said the colonel, looking prince charming in the eye] You forgot to capitalize “Prince Charming”

[WE've lost too many symbols already] I have a suspicion that both letters of “we” are capitalized for an emphatic reason… but I’m not sure what that reason is.

Whoa… wait. Is this song Prince Charming singing an adapted version of “Secrets” by OneRepublic or has weeks of writing one essay made me gone mad?

My sanity aside… I rather enjoyed this chapter.

The dialogue at the beginning was nicely written. You really captured the atmosphere of a war council through the dialogue. It was rather formal and focused on the battle coming up ahead. I could just feel the tension and the worry coming from every one of the characters. I liked how you integrated how desolate the situation appears not by saying the situation was desolate but by showing it through the war plans. The explanation that all the troops are untrained and that the town doesn’t even have a proper cannon reveals that Ehrenfeld is ill-equipped for a war. Furthermore, you captured the personalities of the characters well through the contributions they make. Clearly Colonel Panic is quite a soldier because he is able to analyze why they should or should not fight the upcoming battle. The fact he responds to most of the questions also casts a stronger light on him than Lt. Colonel Sanders, who though skilled isn’t as truthful or as aggressive in what’s happening. The Prince continues to show why he is a good soldier; he’s a brilliant strategist and he understands how to touch the people’s heart. He isn’t afraid to confront a situation where people are losing hope.

I enjoyed how you described the people’s emotions throughout the song. I think the second part was by far my favorite part in this entire chapter and one of the best moments in this story. It held the tinges of emotion and power in the words, and you nicely evoked the growing hope that the people feel. The music was described quite nicely; I could see how provocative and profound it was for the people. I was easily able to transport myself to the scene and feel the swelling pride in the dismayed citizens. You made me empathetic to the people’s situation and their changing emotions as the chapter progressed. I also noticed how the language was a lot more poetic (more reminiscent of The Baby Necromancer) – this was fitting for such a scene. Furthermore, I liked how you characterized and developed the Prince through the song. As he continues to sing, he realizes that he fought for his people’s happiness and not for honor (a great marking of a future king by the way). This is quite an important realization for him, especially in the coming fight. The people and their hope will clearly be his strength as he battles against the undead.

I am suspicious about that part with Eric though… why does he feel darkness in his heart? and what secret does he have? I’m very curious to see if this will affect the coming events in the story (particularly the coming battle).

[As the last note faded away, the light around Prince Charming dimmed and went out. But that was only fair. The hearts of the people and soldiers in Ehrenfeld, once dark with fear and mistrust and suspicion, had begun to glow.] Great last line. It really emphasized that hopeful tone you were getting out throughout the second part, and it really showed how much the song has impacted the people.

Overall, a great chapter. I’m curious to see how the battle will play out.

Signing off…
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