|Reviews for Backseat Babe|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
I fucking love this one.
*takes another double shot of scotch*
| writingwithwings chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
I honestly don't know why I love this but...I do. The character development is so quick but so solid. I love the cyclic ending and how she's always in the back seat. You're an amazing writer. Envy :)
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
This is definitely very strongly written. You have a good job with imagery and description. Your sentences are short and concise and get the message across crisply and vividly. I really like your style; it's unique and frames the situation nicely.
However, I was a little worried about your characters and their motivations.
The girl in this is focused on sex for the entire piece, and when she doesn't get it she takes revenge. Why does she want sex so much? Just because she can say she's done it? Because she thinks her boyfriend will love her more? Because she has some wort of issue with her "inner child"? Because that motivation is never explained, you could argue that she's a two-dimensional character and lacks depth. She's just some teenager who wants to get laid like all the other teens in YA novels.
Same goes for your male character. While his integrity is honorable, why does he have it? What caused him to want to go away to Vegas with his girlfriend but not have sex with her? Did his momma raise him right? Has firsthand experience with teen sex? Like with your female character, he comes off flat. He's just a morally-sound boy because that's who he is.
And the truth is, I don't think either of these people are really like that. While I read this I got the feeling that there was more to them, that they weren't just copy-paste characters. But you didn't expand on it so there's no way to know for sure. As a reader I'd like to see that. I'd like to see what makes this girl so focused on sex and what makes this guy so focused on not-sex. Without that detail it feels like a part of their personalities is missing.
Maybe you don't really explain why they're doing what they're doing, but the relationship between the two characters is very nicely portrayed, especially considering the length of the piece. I got the feeling that they'd had this conversation before, always with the same end. His frustration in the hotel room was well played, and her way of putting on lipstick was a nice quirk that made her a more memorable character.
All that aside, I think you've done an excellent job carrying through the "backseat" theme of this short story. I loved how you started with an explanation of why she sits in the back and ended with her (potentially) in the back of a police car. That repetition and follow-through made the piece rounded and gave it depth. Obviously it was well thought-out.
On the whole, I really liked this. Except for the characterization issues, it was well-written and nicely staged. It had a nice tone and flow to it as well.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
Whoa, really offbeat story. Your main character reminds me a lot of Nabokov's Lolita, but more as a nod to her than a copy.
The length of this was great. It raised so many questions in my mind-How are they alone together? Why are they dating? Where are they going? And none of them were really answered. I was just left with a bitter taste in my mouth and a general feeling of disappointment in society. It's very different in its presentation than most short stories I've come across and I love that.
Nice descriptions. The image of the lipstick coming back was great, both to establish her character and to give this a repetitive sort of unity. And the ending! Ugh, love it! Neither one is really a likeable character and I like that you leave it that way.
-Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| IcarusForgotten chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
a spectacular portrayal of what society has come to ignore with the advent of the women's rights movements: there are some women out there that take advantage of their rights for their own selfish games. that being said, they mis-represent us as a stereotype.
all in all, very well written; short but to the point (which a lot of readers like); MUCH more complete than many of the long-winded stories i know.
| Punslinger chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
A very well done slice-of-life story. Good character and plot development in few words. Clever twist having the boy as the honorable one playing against the girl's smarmy advances.
My only reservation is wonding how a guy with so much dignity could have hooked up with such a treacherous litle tramp.