|Reviews for The High School Romance|
| Lionblaze and Jayfeather chapter 14 . 8/19/2012
I can't wait to read more about Delilah and Rick, I just have this feeling about him that tells me I'm going to loooove him!
Love your story, hope you ain't giving up on this anytime soon because I'm hooked!
Keep up the good work and I'm going to be here, waiting patiently for your next chapter!
| Viva-la-Mylo chapter 12 . 7/2/2012
I love Rick c: even if he Is a lil douche he's a hot douche :D
| Viva-la-Mylo chapter 11 . 6/26/2012
I agree with your opinions of abortion and if anyone gives u hate ignore it cuz people are always gonna find something to bitch about. Rick sounds very very hot! Can't wait for u to update to see what history they have :D update soon love! Oh sorry about your apartment and you having to live with your parents/:
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
I’m going to be completely honest and up front about this. As a woman, I was terribly offended by the messages embodied in your writing. I was, in fact, so offended that I couldn’t finish this chapter, and I’ll explain why
Delilah is seventeen years old and a virgin, but she’s “embarrassed” by it. I think it’s very sad that you’ve chosen to portray a main character who sees sex as something that isn’t meant to be enjoyed and isn’t done because the character feels they’re ready or anything. Here the only reason you’ve shown Delilah wanting to have sex is because she’s embarrassed that she hasn’t done it yet—like it’s a race or something. That is unspeakably degrading to teenagers everywhere; sex isn’t a race, and you should have a better reason to have sex besides “everyone else is doing it”.
So, yeah. I was offended by this. Very offended. I think this sends out the wrong message to teenage girls everywhere, and buys into common themes running in 21st century society regarding women and sexuality. This is exactly the sort of thing feminists and women in general are trying to fight against.
I’ll step aside from all of that and look at your writing itself.
You have numerous grammatical errors throughout this that really distract. I took the liberty of running this chapter through a spell-checker, and the majority of those errors were caught. So please, run your writing through a spell-checker before posting it. It only take a few minutes, and there’s one inside FictionPress’s document manager.
"Slumping in my chair I pouted at the paper" [Punctuation: comma after "chair"]
"I pouted at the paper, my teacher Mr. Albert eyed" [Grammar: run-on sentence, comma should be a period]
"I couldn't believe it, well I could but" [Grammar: run-on sentence, comma should be a period]
"study for the this stupid test" [Typo: you don't need both "the" and "this"]
"latest argument, things were really bad" [Grammar: run-on sentence, comma should be a period]
"Can you repeat it, please." [Grammar: period should be a question mark]
"at the labs ceiling." [Punctuation: labs is possessive, not plural; there should be an apostrophe]
"Kane's best friend and Line Backer." [Grammar: "linebacker" is one word, and it isn't capitalized]
"When the bell rang commencing the end of class" [Punctuation: comma after "rang"]
"They havent been up to standard" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "haven't"]
"you wont be prepared" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "won't"]
"I seriously cant afford" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "can't"]
"summer schools the best option" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "school's"]
"Its in a safe environment" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "it's"]
"your within school walls" [Grammar: it's "you're" not "your"]
"since your so behind" [Grammar: see above]
"me?''For a" [Typo: missing a space]
"Ill talk to him" [Punctuation: apostrophe in "I'll"]
"Me and Ashley usually rode home" [Grammar: should be "Ashley and I"]
"around my choulders" [Typo: should be "shoulders"]
| Hj chapter 10 . 6/21/2012
| Viva-la-Mylo chapter 9 . 6/20/2012
I love Ren! He's so cute and I hope she dosent hurt him cuz he's been hurt enough
| Everescentmeter chapter 8 . 6/15/2012
Gshsbakajanis this is so cute! Love it :)
| ToxicRainbow101 chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
I love this story! Update soon please!
| Amy Lawsford chapter 5 . 6/9/2012
Hey, great chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next. I enjoyed how the ending was kind of a cliff hanger xD
I really hope that Lilah gets with Ren _
Also, do you have a consistent pattern for posting or is it just random? Either way, I can't wait. Bye.
| not Ross chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
I absolutely cannot read dialogue when it's formatted like that...
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/8/2012
Great story! :)
| Amy Lawsford chapter 4 . 6/6/2012
Hey there, I would really appreciate if when your characters talk you would have a new line for them. That way it's not all bunched up, it makes it harder to read. For example:
"So how was it?" he said.
"I can't do this."
Instead of: 'how was it' he said, 'I can't do this'. Also you seem to make a lot of typos like me _
Anyway, I really LOVED your story! I couldn't stop reading it it is so good. I can't wait for the next chapter! Update soon?
| Redwaves9 chapter 4 . 6/6/2012
I LOVE THIS! I was totally sucked in! I don't have an account on here yet, but if you have a fanfiction, PM redwaves9 when you update this!