Reviews for Tin's Dream
Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
Thanks for the explanation of cacophony and disonance as literary techniques. I'm ashamed to say I did need it, although I had heard of asonance and it makes sense. Although I have to say I found it flowed better once I let go of this and just let the words wash over.

When you think of the other meaning of cacophony, a clanking great collection of sounds, this is also mirrored well in the piece, and the name Tin is perfect.

Love this line:
'A cannibal roast, a bad dream yanks
a silent scream from little Tin's air-
burnt throat.'
Almost as if the horror itself muffled the response to it.

the ending has a sweetly disarming twist. I think this works.

Nice one!
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 6/9/2012
Very interesting. I love the imagery in this, especially helped along by the repetition of hard consonants. I especially love the "cannibal roast". Reminds me of Lord of the Flies for some reason. And the Tin man from The Wizard of Oz. Good name choice. :)

[Branches snapping,/ flick burning embers out at/ crackling angles.] - I can't help but wonder why you've put the comma there, because in my opinion it doesn't work particularly well. A bit of a stumbling block as opposed to the hammering rhythm you've got going. Also, when you've said air-burnt with a break in between, are the two supposed to be together or separate. It feels somewhat like you've sliced a word through the middle and that could change the whole meaning.

The only other thing is your second last paragraph seems to lose a bit of the hardness you've incorporated with the rest. "blast of pain", "miniature ammunition", "imps and arrows" - that last one is Shakespeare poetic. Like slings and arrows. Seems a little out of place.

I must say, the chores were unexpected.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 6/9/2012
This looks like it took a lot of attention to craft-kudos on that.

Needless to say, I love how you use these two devices. I read it aloud and it definitely made a huge difference. Just the way the words fit into each other creates fantastic patterns and rhythm. Not only did I feel the chaos and tension of the character, my pace while reading became fast, almost desperate. You have fantastic control over your readers with this.

You have some cool line breaks in here. My favorites are "a silent scream from little Tin's air-/burnt throat." and "crackling angles. A bonfire party././A cannibal roast, a bad dream yanks," especially that second one as you bridge the stanza break.

While I loved the craft of it, the topic wasn't my favorite. It just seemed trite, and I was let down at the end even though the title basically set that up. I would have loved just staying the fantasy world. Still, I really enjoyed this.

-Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)