Reviews for Ashes and Ghost
PenguinHearts chapter 12 . 8/20/2012
This story... was just... just... creepy...
The details and word choice were amazing, though. I like how the whole thing was extremely confusing; it gets me thinking. I don't think I'll forget this story... not for a long time. Keep writing! :D
GreenGrass1 chapter 12 . 8/20/2012
This chapter is short but macabre. I like the image of festering, maggoty corpse and the kids torturing whatever/whoever it is in the sack. So, yeah.
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 12 . 8/19/2012
I like it. It all sorts of lies together infathomably, but connected. Sits like fog in the mind...or something. I just love all the imagery, the sap of the tree, the horrible body of Lou, and this strange, still, abstract nature of it all.

I feel like this asks for some sort of equally eerie, fragmeted comment in return, so in response: Each line is like a cockroach scuttling over the other for something putrid, something pure, something like moonbeams and ethanol and broken glass all at once.
nffhkasjfnbsdkjb chapter 12 . 8/19/2012
This is so eerie, so creepy, so full of not quite right things going on, it gave me shivers!... particularly the kids kicking the's like a bad trip through Louis' mind! Good stuff.

GreenGrass1 chapter 11 . 7/12/2012
Wow, I didn't expect Lou to die. I thought Louis is going to die. Are we ever going to find out who Lou is? Hm, maybe not.
nffhkasjfnbsdkjb chapter 11 . 7/12/2012
If you changed the names, this fragment coulds stand on it's own, it has enough atmosphere and intrigue.
I have no idea what it means in the context of the story but the one detail that bothered me a bit was that at the end voice two shouts you're under arrest, implying they are police, and then after Lou is shot, nothing, no one comes to help Louis...I don't know whether that was intentional or not...?

PalindromeIsntOne chapter 11 . 7/11/2012
I must say Lou's death (or injury or thing) was kind of confusing (attacked by one of the men?), but I love the blood description at the end. 'Embalmed'. Neat word choice, seeing as embalming fluid is something applied after death. As well as the creepy nick thing with the knife - like there was strangely no blood in that, so Lou kind of makes up for it at the end there.
Stranger and stranger. I have no idea when, or how, this story could end.
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 10 . 7/10/2012
So I started off not liking the lack of continuity, but now it's got far enough that the continuity is -in- the discontinuity, if that makes any sense. I'm not sure if that was your intention. It is very much like a waking nightmare. Eerie. I'm used to the odd flow of things now. My favourite bit of this chapter was the strange film of shapes they ended up watching and the fact that they were asleep, as though being hypnotised, where the whole experience of reading this is almost like being in hypnosis for the reader, this odd images been conjured up in our minds as we read beyond our control. Which is probably nonsense waffle but I like to sound poetic, so. Have a nice day.
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 9 . 7/10/2012
I like the mirrored band-aid thing here, if I'm correct in my memory. The Srip Srip Srip at the start made me think of Drip Drip Drip and the association made it kind of creepier (ominous dripping noises always seem to forebode things when written like that)
nffhkasjfnbsdkjb chapter 10 . 7/9/2012
This chapter reminds me of things I've seen of the sixties and seventies and mind control experiments and the like.

I like that the sobbing person had gone and I do like the unfinished nature of these pieces, and I'm wondering whether there is any order to them at all, if they're sequential...? I have a feeling you might have told me that already though...

nffhkasjfnbsdkjb chapter 9 . 7/9/2012
Intriguing! I've no idea what their conversation could mean.

I don't like the last line though- I don't think that sort of forced conclusion for the reader works in this story, it's too dreamlike.
GreenGrass1 chapter 10 . 7/8/2012
Very trippy. And whirlwind. Because the last chapter was in a bedroom and then suddenly Louis is running and being led into the room with the weird projector. It's getting weirder and weirder and I'm looking forward to what weird places you are going to take us next.
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 8 . 7/1/2012
This story needs more love. I know it doesn't follow consistently but I enjoy each chapter on it's own anyway, I can't really help myself. It's intruiging. The thing with Lou is creepy. It's not quite horror to me but it's just 'creepy'. That's just the word for it. It like embodies that sort of weird sensation of like a half-lucid nightmare - you know that it's not all real but you're completely in the middle of it anyway and there's nothing you can do.
There's not really a neat way I think I can review this. I kinda feel like I should say something weirdly enigmatic and incomprehensible like 'This story burns like a firefly before the break of dawn'.
the old contemptible chapter 8 . 6/30/2012
So this is gay noir.

Apparently some folks have complained about continuity issues, but I think a bit of mystery is always good. As well, a story like this is a nice change from the usual high school romance you might find on here. I must admit, however, that I'm reading this tale with tale with a fair bit of trepidation, as the other type of gay story you find on this site- abjectly dark and brimming with cynicism- can become super annoying. This story, though, while fairly dark, seems for the moment to be refreshingly cynicism-free, which is what I like. Dark is cool, but relentless, acidic, soul-crushing cynicism can really get a fellow down.

Good work so far.

Keep writing, etc.
tleiaxu chapter 8 . 6/29/2012
I had a little catching up to do... Woah. So Val is trying to get off the island. She kills someone in the house of ashes and ghost, and she's got a knife and a crow in her hand, then let's it all go like she just woke up out of the dream... And now Louis is getting down with his evil twin. You have definitely got the surreal part down. I'm having a hard time understanding the characters because their emotional reactions to the oddities happening around them are for the most part nonexistent. The scenes you set are twisted and grim. The imagery and word choices are fantastic. I feel haunted and nightmarish when I read this. The plot so far is scattered and fragmented but still holds my attention as the pieces begin to gather into a pile of more volume(though very few pieces are fitting together at this point.

So what do I want from this story? I want to see more pieces come together. And I want to understand the characters' emotions. That's all I've got for you now. Great work, looking forward to more.
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