|Reviews for Carry my soul to the sea|
| purpleunicorn3 chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Word choice: good for the most part, but there are a few I feel don't work as well. [The waves, gently] for example - "gently" seems somewhat jarring, the opposite to its namesake really as a single word phrase. Something like "in a gentle swirl" or anything like I think would work better, even if it is longer because the images relates better. Having that single word after the comma provides a somewhat harsher image. I also don't particularly like the word "twilight" - personally, I find it more restrictive than, say, "dusk". It may be more because of the Twilight saga franchise, but I don't think it's the best word to use here.
[fifth shadow on the moon] - is that on or of? I can't tell whether that was on purpose or not.
Flow: you're good at this. Definitely has a nice flow, and you've used the line-breaks well and not as a substitute for commas too. You've also got the three lined stanzas nicely working, so that's good as well.
Punctuation and grammar: you forgot the comma in the first line. I say forgot as opposed to not put because you "do" use that comma appropriately in the summary, so it's not a case of simply not using them as a measure of style (which I rather dislike because it's more effort and confusion on the reader). [To fall gracefully dancing before] is also an odd line. Of course, the rules of poetry are far more lax than prose, but I still think there should be a comma after gracefully at the very least. That's about it though.
Descriptions/images: I really like them. The five-point compass is probably my favourite; it reminds me of a lot of the oriental pentagrams. The white sail and dark veil nicely compliment each other (and that has a ring to it too), and the blue star is nice too, reflecting the colour of the sea. My favourite's still the compass though.
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 6/9/2012
Very interesting; I like it for the most part. The uneven rhythm and the mid-sentence line breaks make for an interesting and constantly challenging read. It's almost like it doesn't rhyme because of the inconsistent rhythm, but I like the way it sounds in the first two stanzas. Occasionally, I lose track of the flow of the poem, though. Sometimes it gets wordy and sometimes certain lines don't make as much sense.
"Give it wings of light hope and it will soar
Over the mountains. Then the stars will start
To fall gracefully dancing before." - the "light hope" and "dancing before" parts confused me a little.
You also mention 'it' a lot, and I assume you're talking about the soul, but I can't be sure because you only mention it once.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
The rhyme scheme of this is interesting. Not only was it unexpected, with the un-rhymed lines in the middle of every stanza, but it also forced some odd line breaks. When I say odd, I don't mean bad, though-it really brought out each individual word because I had to look at them in a different way than I normally would.
The descriptions in general were fantastic. Occasionally, the imagery relied on some cliches, but I loved how it was all about the soul floating through this world you're describing. It gave the whole thing a unique spin.
[Give it a compass that points to the fifth
Shadow on the moon. Give it a white sail
Of a true story, and a candle of myth.] That was my favorite stanza. Great images!
-Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| YuePantera chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
This has some great imagery, and the emotions in this is very strong. I loved this one more than the other. There is something about this that really has a great effect on me, and I really enjoyed it. I don't know what it is about it, but this is definitely something I would read over other choices. X