Reviews for Memories
Charlotte Phanrose chapter 1 . 5/25
{Opening} Nice hook! Really, it was an excellent choice to use dialogue as an opener, especially dialogue from a character the reader has yet to meet. Aki's reaction to the voice also clues the reader in on what's going on in Aki's life right now, her fear evident to the reader.

{Formatting} Nicely done on this one as well. It goes unnoticed to some writers, but you did a good job of formatting the different characters' dialogue and actions. Keep it up!

{Ending} This is the only one I have a bit of a complaint with. I understand why the other girls hated Aki's hair; they assumed that it grabbed the attention of Natsu (maybe it did? Oh my gosh, was I right?!) and that makes sense. But...what did the teachers and other adults have against it? This was never established, therefore it throws me off and leaves me to think that it was some random thing you added in...like a second thought. I'm sure this grows to be important at some point, especially if you continue this, but if you do continue please remember to include the reason why the teachers and adults are treating Aki so differently because of her hair. What's so bad about it? Why is she ostracized because of it?

{Overall} Overall, I'm really glad I took the time to read this. I mean, it's emotionally powerful. Sometimes, when you're in distress, you go to do things without thinking about how it will affect those closest to you, especially if you don't realize that you have people close to you. I really enjoyed the twist, how it was Natsu that wound up dying instead of Aki. Really, I'm super glad I got the opportunity to read this. Keep up the good work!

P.S. As a piece of advice, be careful about letting the number of reviews dictate your writing. I'm not saying to stop, but I am saying to be careful. Trust me, I've been there. Even though you're putting your writing out there for others to read, writing should be for you. If you really enjoy it, writing becomes something special, something you love doing. But, if you let others tell you how to do it, it may become more of a time filler. I'm not telling you what to do, believe me on that. But...I don't know. I guess I just couldn't help but offer you a bit of friendly advice.

I meant what I said. Keep on writing; you're amazing at it!

I hope to someday hear more about Aki soon!
Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
This is actually really good! Haha, as for cliches, I think we all have a time when we put them in our stories. Please continue!

Freya Skye. [In somewhat a rush so I can't log in XD;;]
zZTaigaz chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Hehe well first off I am not really a person who can give you great advice in my own opinion so I will just say what came to my mind when I read this story.

Even though some of the contents that you stated were clichéd, this first chapter was still good! Reading this story made me see that a person's emotions can affect their actions very easily which caused the accident with Natsu. It was really sad to see her only friend die in an attempt to save her. I also despised the girls who decided to bully Aki because of her exterior features that made her different from everyone. However, I believe Aki could have become stronger if she just tried to stick up for her self.

Overall, I would like to see what happens next if you happen to update. Continue to write and get better but then again I am a rookie as well so I can't tell you how to write. I hope this short review helped you in a way and I wish you luck in the future! ( _)b

- ZzTaigaz