OMG, I love all the charries and this story! It needs more feedback! seriously, keep up the good work! Now, to find the others...-casually goes to your profile to look up books- This won't be the last you hear from me, mah dear friend

LOVED IT! I was in love after the first chapter! I just wanted to say great job :)

You have a lot of run-on sentences and short paragraphs. Short paragraphs are ok for speech back and fourth, but otherwise are considered improper grammar. You have a tendency to have one person speak and in the same line, with no transitions, change to another person's action. It could become very confusing to certain people. That takes a bit more work to fix, but not impossible.
Several spelling and grammar issues, but a quick revision and a keen eye can cure most of it.

Overall, you've got me hooked! Onto the next chapter.

Your use of apostrophes is atrocious and surprisingly common among many authors. Especially with it's (it is) and its (possessive)

At some point,you peaked and came back down, then added hints of more to come. Very resourceful and I love it so far!

Introduction
You love prepositional phrases. xD I'd say ease up a little bit. It makes your sentences long, wordy, and to some people annoying.
I love the first sentence. It captures someone's attention. There's very little description and many grammar / spelling errors. Easily fixed, correct?
I have to go to bed, but I will continue tomorrow! :P

I really enjoy reading your stories. I find them interesting and something wonderful. This one is marvelous and I loved reading about the different types of people on the world and just what they're like. Everything is new and fun which makes the story the much better. I love Vieta and her wacky ways of going about everything. Always a new experience to find with her and the way she thinks. Plus I enjoy how the story is set up. Makes me think of a bunch of short stories with an altogether main focus. I can't wait for the next chapter.

You might have more readers if you broke up your paragraphs more. You're working with an interesting concept, and your writing is off to a promising start (the vocabulary is diverse, which is important, even if your sentence structure and grammar in certain areas needs work, and you have a wide set of characters).

All of this, though, is ruined when I see a paragraph that takes up literally my entire computer screen, filled with nothing but text and no breaks. To further that problem, there doesn't even seem to be any reason for it. From what I can tell, in many of those cases, the paragraphs contain dialogue from multiple different speakers.

Every time you start dialogue for a new speaker, you have to start a new paragraph no matter what. It helps the reader keep track of who's speaking (which is particularly important with writer's like you who don't often/ever use tie ins at the end such as "he said/she said/growled/snapped/explained" etc. to help the reader along), and it's also simply a grammatical rule.

As a rule of thumb (but not law, obviously) try to keep your paragraphs down to five to seven lines, however much space that happens to be on your screen. If they're longer than that, the reader's eye will get lost in the sea of text and it makes it painful to look at and hard to keep track of. Good luck.

- Moonstar

You my dear are my hero, not only did you make a mpreg with a plot *other than boys being pregnant* you created a new world if I wasn't such a lazy anus and made a real account I would have added this to my favorites. Please don't stop writing

\(-)/ yay a new mpreg