Reviews for Daughter
Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Beautiful. This will make a lovely story, if developed furhter. Lovely job, and beautifully written. Keep it up :D
beethoven9nth chapter 1 . 6/18/2012
Wow powerful bond. I love it so much because we shouldn't give up on people we love, because in the long run they will be there for you when you are in the dirt and cant seem to find a cleaner place to be.
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
I'm going to start off saying that I'm really not that great at critiquing poetry, and even worse at writing it, but I'll do my best. :)

I think this poem really appealed to me because I've always wanted to have a close relationship with my father but was never able to. The fact that this father is on his knees and begging his daughter almost makes me jealous, because part of me feels like I could never extract that kind of reaction from my father no matter what I did, even if I tried attempting suicide which it looks like the narrator did. I feel almost like I got the opposite type of reaction from this poem than what you were attempting because of this - how I envy her and the attention her father gives her, as well as the advice "Please, don't. It's never worth it."

I thought you had some really vivid pictures in this poem, as well. Like "red-rimmed, sullen eyes" and "he cried and convulsed". It's a great example of showing instead of telling. I also thought the line "to ruin himself for me" was probably the most powerful line in the poem, for me anyway. Again, it pricks that sense of jealousy where I wish my own father would care about me this much... or at least show that he does.

Sorry. Now I'm just being depressing. xD
Punslinger chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
A powerful snapshot of a family tragedy that really grabs readers and draws them into the emotional turmoil. Keep up the good work.
AnonymousLily chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
I visualize this as a father happening upon his daughter in the midst of a suicide attempt. I liked the "never wanted him to ruin himself for me" and the following "caught up ins"- drool and insomnia- hormones and dramas. I'm left feeling sorry for both characters in this- how can either feel free with each other after this? I think we've all caught up our parents in our dramas at some point. Parents tend to blame themselves. I see the love in this too, though. Nice capture of a gut wretching moment.
steffxnie chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
Heart breaking, these words are so real.

'I had never wanted him to ruin himself for me.'

This is just- I can't even express how it makes me feel.

Keep writing please.