|Reviews for Suicide|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 7/9/2012
To be honest, I don't think this is one of your best poems. It reads a little more as a song for one thing, so perhaps you might consider changing categories? As a poem, a lot of your phrases are missing the required pauses to make it easier and more flowy (and powerful) to read. For example, [Maybe then it won't be in vain] falls flat in comparison to emphasizing the "then" by use of italics or punctuation. From the context, several other lines fall flat the same way and could be made more powerful simply by addition of punctuation and/or rewording.
[It was the only answer
At least it's over, all over
I never could find it,
That lucky four leaf clover] - that is my favourite stanza, and the one that reads with a nice rhythm too. I particularly like the image of the four leaf clover...even though I'm not positive they exist. in any case, it's a rare image of luck (in the sense it's hard to find a genuine four leaf clover), and it really highlights the image of depression. The comma in your second line also does it. I would still put an ellipses after "over" to emphasise the next two lines.
| Redz chapter 1 . 6/22/2012
Interesting layout. I like how the voice of the one who commits suicide and the voice of the ones who love her complement each other - so that the second contradicts and negates what the first says in an almost parallel structure. That was a good idea and you did it very well.
The repetition of the centered stanzas is quite effective and acquires new meaning as the poem continues. Nicely done.
A small mistake. "There nothing else I could do," missing a verb. ("There WAS nothing else I could do"). I also didn't like the word 'zone', but well, I guess it's the only thing that rhymes.
Anyway, good job. I really enjoyed this. Keep it up!