all I can say is d'aaw!

I'm used to writing long reviews, but what I can say is this, this story really gave that warm fuzzy feeling, the good kind of feels after you see something adorable or read a heartwarming story.

this was one of those stories, the kind that lifts your spirits.

(also I was in the roadhouse forum, which is how I found this fic in the first place).

I like the way the story illustrates, right from the beginning, what it introduced in the first sentence. The mix of little - simply unpleasant - sensations, followed by the ones that make your gut twist. Each of them is sharp and original, though.

I also like how personal this gets. We almost feel like we're listening to someone speak directly to the audience, pouring the words out from their own life, due to how specific (and in some cases very intimate) each of the similes is.

My favorite though is that it isn't as downtrodden/negative as the opening might suggest. It really does present a full mix of what life can be.

- Moonstar

I liked the parallel structure of this, because it created a follow-through from idea to idea. As always, I didn't like this because there are no characters besides the very vague "you", so it's hard to connect to this piece.

Well I thought this was beautiful - I think it's probably a little bit rough around the edges if you want to be picky about your use of English (like 'cuz'), which is a little bit grating but it's not terrible. It also doesn't detract from what you're trying to say. I think parts are a bit cheesy, as someone else mentioned, but sometimes I think you get it spot on and, though you are describing what I assume to be parts of your life, it triggers the reader to think about similar moments in their lives (or it did for me anyway! :)). As someone else also said, it's verging on a poetic feel, which is lovely and I think it's a very nice piece.

I liked the structure of this story. The beginning of it talking about the downs in life, and the second half of it letting the story end on a good note and reminding you why all those terrible times are worth it.

There was one part that seemed a bit out of place, though. this:

It feels like seeing a beautiful boy, standing on the corner like an apparation.

The rest of the analogies were things like out of a memory. I felt like I could be flipping through an old photo album and remembering everything. but that line seemed out of place. Something more like in a dream that didn't quite belong with the rest of it. But that's just my two cents. I really enjoyed this story, though.

I love all the different examples you give for the different feelings. It made it all very vivid, and I could just feel every moment.

"There are times when life stings like the scratches from the obsidian arrowhead you tried to cut yourself with but chickened out." This line's my favorite. It's just so raw and real.

"There are times when it feels like sitting on the bank of a river with your best friend, the one you'e secretly in love with, and saying goodbye cuz he's moving away." Cuz? I feel like 'cuz' is a little too... chatspeak for this, and it almost cheapens the sentence. I'd rather read 'because' in this line.

I love how emotional this is, and it's something everyone can relate to. :) It made me feel all warm and squishy inside.

See yah around the OT, Elric!

I really liked the message you're trying to give with this short-story, especially how you take the time to contrast the good and the bad. I think showing both ends of the spectrum leaves an even greater effect, and I like how you go from the bad and end with the good.

I also thought you had some really unique metaphors in here. Some of these things I never did when I was younger (or not) so it was a little hard for me to relate to the picture considering you're using second person, mostly the part about the cutting, but I thought they were still very effective. I think this appeals to a lot of different people considering the wide range of activities you included, so I also liked that aspect as well.

It's always nice reading optimistic stories. Thanks for sharing this. :)

Some nit-picks/random observations:

[There are times life tastes like when you find out last minute that the aunt that was healthy last week when you saw her is dead now.]

Style: Normally when you're referring to a person you want to use 'who' instead of 'that.' So the second 'that' should be a who.

[and saying goodbye cuz he's moving away.]

I thought the rest of the story was a little too formal to use 'cuz.' I'd rather see it be 'because.'

[Or the time when you were twelve and you plotted out your halloween route with your best friend.]

Edit: Halloween should be capitalized.

[ Or that time, a few days later, when you found out he was going as a platypus.]

lol this made me laugh. xD

[It feels like sitting in a dressing room with the seven people that share something with you no one else does and singing a cappella Green Day songs.]

Is cappella supposed to be couple of? This kinda threw me off. Even if spelled out colloquially, I don't think it's right.

[when the singers voice fills your soul while the guitars shred your ears out.]

Edit: Need an apostrophe for 'singer's.'

I like the concept you've got going. It's true that all the little things are important, but they seem to slip away amidst the larger things. Unfortunately, that's pretty much what happened with this as well. It's a little too long-winded, and therefore not really effective in focusing in on the little things. Personally, I think it would work much better as a poem; it would also help you cut out the necessary wording. Of course, I'm not exactly one to talk about long-winded descriptions...but this is a little different than that.

Lol, platypus. Native. :)

I love the message of this. Life does suck sometimes, and you just have to pick yourself and keep going for the good times. i think the message is really easy to relate with.

I don't like the way the paragraphs are broken up so much. I feel like it draws too much attention to the repetitiveness of the sentence structure. Try pulling the related sentences into a paragraphs for greater impact?

Nice work. KEEP GOIN!

-REB/Liv

I like how you express the good moments. In a sort of list I like how you express the bad moments as hot and sour soup. I feel like this persons life just flashed in front of my eyes. And this piece is really like a work of art. It's expressive and it's simply amazing. I like how the good moments obviously outnumber the bad. And how it seems a bit too good to be true. I feel like its a bit unrealistic. But it might be someone's life, out there.

I wonder where you got this idea... :)

Seriously though, this is freaking awesome!

I especially love the line: 'It feels like listening to your favorite song, when the singers voice fills your soul while the guitars shred your ears out' :)

You rock, girl.

xoxo

Cello

It tastes like that hot and sour soup that tasted great going down, but not as great the second you realized it needed to come back up. [Through this section, with this sentence in particular, I didn't like how you went from present tense into past tense. I don't think it's exactly necessary for them to be one tense though, I personally just don't like it. I did like the more poetic devices you used like the repetition and the similes, though.]

and saying goodbye cuz he's moving away. [Would prefer "because", but that's just my opinion rearing its ugly head again, haha]

While I found the message to this, especially the very last line, a little bit cheesy for my tastes, I like how you executed it and showed all the various moments. This was very much a piece that captured something kind of like prose poetry, where it illustrates a thought or a theme instead of characters and settings, etc. I think you executed the theme well, and I do think it was a good idea to wrap it up in that last paragraph so bluntly, it carried well. Maybe for some ideas if you wanted to add more would be to go from a range beyond the age of fourteen and below. I felt like there weren't a lot of clear examples of life after middle school, and it might make it a little author-specific, though I did find a lot of the instances were quite applicable to everyone's life, so I did like a lot of the examples you chose. Liked the line about the "obsidian arrowheads", those two words worked really well together. Good late morning read!