Reviews for My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Inadequate
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 9 . 8/14/2012
Kieran Kieran Kieran. I did a proper slow blink at that beginning, but I forgave him even though I was thinking Tyler Tyler Tyler.

'He quickly checked to see if Kyle was paying attention to his little display.' was a very neat touch.

Kieran's little self-motivational thing was lovely. I feel though, somehow, a tad out of character. How do I put this... it's like some of the narrative-insert style you had in earlier chapters momentarily crept in and blended with Kieran's voice.

I find it amusing and awesome the dynamic with Kyle there though, and cracked a smile at that sentence Kyle was trying to read whilst listening to his friend. Oh, Kyle. :)

What is it with parents waking their kids up? Why have I never experienced this phenomenon? Is it just that I always get up on time or that my resident parent didn't care or both? Anyway, Tyler's mom seems a darling.

The doctor's visit was quite nicely done with the compassion of the doctor obvious. I think that you could have just done some of that conversation, however, (like up to "Yeah, but I don't see...") rather than the whole thing, then let it trail into passive and catch up on the jist of it in a short paragraph after Tyler leaves the room. I don't know why I have that opinion - I think it might have been more effective emotionally or something.

Oh, the part where he meets up with his mum again after though! *feelings*

I wonder what Kieran's up to.
PalindromeIsntOne chapter 8 . 8/14/2012
I'm back! Uh...yeah. I've a fair bit to reply to and catch up and review and real life is a bit...ugh...so I'll do it in pieces. Reviewing seems the best way to start.

I really like the prose-poetry. I could envy that. 'To this too Tyler was numb, like a prosthetic limb.' This. And similar. Nice. (When I say 'nice' picture someone in a suit tipping their top hat with a small smile of respect. Not that that resembles me at all, but it's the gist of what I mean.)

'Like he finally got the joke.'. This, and the revisiting of their idyllic meeting (in Tyler's mind, anyway), is so effective. The coldness of the coach, too. Ouch.

I don't think I need to say anything about the ending of this chapter. It speaks for itself.

The whole chapter is very emotional, and I like the link at the beginning back to the previous chapter.

I've cut the end of this review into a PM which I will probably send separate in a bit, because my brain went of on a long tangent-ish thing at the 'Eleven chapters?' as you know I can do...
Yaleni chapter 9 . 8/13/2012
YESye syesyesYEs! And ugh you're killing me here with this kieran/tyler thing but i love it though ugh
Skyless11 chapter 9 . 8/13/2012
"I know, I wouldn't choose it if I had a choice… No, that's not true. I'd choose it a million times, even if it meant suffering and loneliness and heartache and a thousand jabs from the stick of the world. Even if it meant chains and subjection and illness and hunger, if it meant loss of reputation, virtue, money, sanity, I'd do it. Because he's him. He's him, and I'm me, and together we're us, and that's the only way I can explain it.

I loved this. Seriously. This is ... well? let's call it a definition of love? Yeah. Love is something never to regret... be it over or not, if it was a real feeling no1 should ever regret having it.

2ndly: WOOOTTTTT! Finally another chapter xD I know it hasn't passed a lot of time since the last one, but to me it seemed an eternity QQ So glad it finally came xD Yes I really like how this is developing. Not saying that I didn't expect it, I mean... it was obvious that Kieran would be the one not to give up... But I really like his determination. Proves just how much he loves Ty... And... on one hand it would seem selfish of him to do so (and we all know selfishness is the opposite of true love...) but I think that this hasn't to do with selfishness. It's just this feeling Kieran has, the feeling that it's obvious, natural for them to be together. And he's not doing it for himself, he's doing it because, however uncertain of Ty's feelings, he obviously has some kind of confidence, and I suspect it to be this feeling "he's mine, I'm his" kicking in, therefore doing it for them both.
3dly. I love the poem o.o and I don't really like poetry... Guess I know what my new obsession is xD
4th. Definitely. I would be the first to read the tips I respect you lots both as writer and as literary critic, so I think such tips would help me lots.
5th. Depression? I had a feeling it was going that way *if it wasn't obvious*. I'm actually looking forward to see his meeting with the therapist (I guess you will write it right?)
6th. You said that You were going to end it in a few chapters, but I actually wonder how will you pull it off xD Because at this point the story still has holes, the characters do. And where Kieran doesn't *he's rather flat as a character, though lovable* Ty just has so many holes as the round character he is. And let's say they somehow get back together in 2-3 chapters. Unless you wanna leave a "very" open ending, there will be just way too many holes, mainly because of how Ty is. And I think that making him solid (where he is very "liquid" now) in just 2-3 chapters would ruin the story... Though... yeah, that could be pulled off with the help of the therapist, but, hey, where's the fun in that? xD plus, I said before "I want maaaaaaaaanyyyy chapters more :D"

In the end, I would like to congratulate you on another awesome chapter, thank you for acquainting me with Housman, and tell you how much I'm waiting for the next chapter.
Cheers!
Sky.
GreenGrass1 chapter 9 . 8/13/2012
I'm glad Tyler got help. Depression is difficult to deal with on your own I think. Any help you can get will be great. Gosh, I hope he feel better soon.
chibikodo chapter 9 . 8/12/2012
I hope Kieran didn't take the ignored phone call negatively. But I sure hope the therapist can help Tyler. It's probably too late for his soccer team to accept him back but I suppose it's not like anything matters to Tyler anymore at this moment.

Looking forward to the next chapter.
Honunjama chapter 9 . 8/12/2012
"She'd probably looked up every time the door opened' I love that line, the sentiment, everything. It really touched me.

I like what kieran is doing in this chapter, I think he's doing exactly the right thing in trying but accepting Tyler needs space!

I love the poem. Poor guy, unrequited his whole life...

Post them!

Sukix
tleiaxu chapter 8 . 8/9/2012
Your best chapter yet, imho. Poignant, real emotions, fluid tone and visual language... I was transported straight onto the soccer field. Great work.
GreenGrass1 chapter 8 . 8/8/2012
Well, even story with happy ending will have some sad parts in it. But I'm glad that finally Tyler realized that he was heart-broken. His first initial reaction was numbness and denial. Anyway, good chapter. You're right it has some poetry in the prose. Nice.
Honunjama chapter 8 . 8/7/2012
This was great, really good. The first section about the phone call and how they got together was just perfect! all the emotions, the descriptions, everything. I really feel for poor Tyler, that apathy.

I'm looking forward to the rest:)

Suki
Aletiah chapter 8 . 8/7/2012
Oh, poor, poor, Tyler. It was a really strong scene in the locker room, when he starts crying and everyone just abandone him, even his friend!
And the coach, he didn't even ask him what's wrong. Just "hand in your jersey."
Even if I love the angst and everything, I hope it will get better for him. With Kieran! Update soon.
PenguinHearts chapter 8 . 8/7/2012
Well, I gotta say, you did get pretty poetic in both your story and your author's note! Haha, it was quite beautiful, actually!

I can definitely tell that Tyler is slipping into some pretty deep depression. Wonder what's gonna happen next!

Oh, and don't worry, the story is great! Not light and fluffy, but angsty and tragic! I like it! No, scratch that. I absolutely love it! Keep writing! 3
Skyless11 chapter 8 . 8/7/2012
errrrmmm
I don't know what to say...
Suddenly the story changed completely xD
This "immanent omniscient" became n times more obvious here (or at least in the beginning of the chapter, and correct me if I'm wrong... because I am trying my best to understand it xD);
Tyler finally got across as a real character *no offense, he seemed a lifeless doll so far... only in this chapter you show he actually has a deeper strata in his psyche xD I didn't like him till now... now I do )
Kieran disappeared... well I know that he'll soon come back xD but for now he disappeared xD
I was practically forced to use a dictionary xD (you sure know how to make me feel inadequate in this matter QQ)
Finally we get inside on their past story
And Tyler was jokingly outed o.o that's weird alright... but majorly interesting xD
Not to say that he finally gets to think about his life... Yes. Tyler suddenly became a different character.
And yes. The language and style of writing was absolutely flawless...

The only thing I have left to say is... oki, I lied. 2 things:
1. When's the next chapter coming?
2. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA SSSSSSSEEEEEEEE don't stop at eleven QQ I'm sure you can find reasons to make yourself continue with it QQ I want moreeeeeeeeee. (unless you make super long chapters and by that I mean 10 Word pages, with 12 the size of letters xD each chapter!)

Cheers!
Sky.
Skyless11 chapter 7 . 8/7/2012
oki... I feel a bit stupid? but I have to ask: what do the Augustans have do with Keiran crying/Kyle awkwardly trying to comfort him?
anon chapter 8 . 8/6/2012
i like this. a lot. great job.
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