I like the contrast in Ash's contact with Kate and Mia. It's like maybe the one area in which it was less than perfect with Sam is being corrected with Luke. The instinctive jealousy of Mia, which I'm surprised she acknowledged, is good and my favorite parts are when she talks about the contact with Luke. Watching her grandfather die is heart-breaking. Poor thing didn't realize it was probably one of the best weeks he'd had in years, making her so happy

Natalie Ward this story ROCKS! the way you slowly build things between ash and luke is great, you can see how they are moving closer all the time and how she is fighting her problems and her fears while he waits for her. I love how you to one section present and one section somewhere in the past, i have a feeling that when the past finally catches up with the present we will be near the end of our story, which will be a shame since this is absolutely an amazing story. Bringing in the sister was an amazing idea, it set the stage to bring ash's blinders off so that she can see what is right infront of her, which of course is luke and her feelings and anxiety's. I have yet to read your next chapter but I am sure it will be as amazing as always

[Because I have also always beared a grudge] Past tense of bear is bore

[they were all doing shots of tequila. I felt left out… As the night wore on, I was getting more and more drunk] I assumed that Ash didn't drink if she felt left out? It's a small thing, but maybe you should clarify that part.

[The anger I have for Sam for knowing the truth about me and dying anyway.] I guess this really shows the extent of Sam and Ashley's love; if Sam knew about Ashley's problem and loved her regardless… I'd say Ash's is lucky to have so many great people around her except for the dying part.

And ugh, I can't believe Liam actually has the nerve to go up to Ash and expect her to forgive him after the party. Well, as always, Luke is being such a gentleman. Haha, I can imagine big puppy eyes when he says "just a drink" or something.

Anyway, I think again, you did a brilliant job with setting up a scenario for Ash's dad's death. But I do think that going through the reel of dear dead people is starting to just get a teensy bit repetitive. I mean, I know Sam will be up there, and while that and understanding the extent of Ash's trauma are important, I think you might want to be aware of a limit to these scenarios before your readers are conditioned to them that they're not effectively tragic anymore.

Like the progress between Ash and Luke though—I think you're taking it at a nice pace.

Great story about Seth and Lara...up until they die. Luke is still a sweetheart and, as you suggested, very perceptive to what she needs. There's too much here to point out typos but I will mention this one... "And I bought you these" because Seth didn't buy the cupcakes, but made them

Hello again, this'll be a review for Ch.2 and 3, so I don't clutter up all your free space...
CHAPTER 2
First of all, I love the flashbacks, now that I'm getting used to them. Ash clearly has a difficult past; flashbacks are good to tell the reader about it, while still keeping it interesting and telling the actual storyline.
"Having one version that I show to the world and one version the real one which I keep just for me." This is great, because I found it easy to relate to, although it's not quite to Ash's extreme.
At the part "...then everything changed again." A few paragraphs later, you use almost the exact same wording. Maybe change it to "He turned my world upside down all over again" or something?
I also noticed that the narrative says 'take a chance' multiple times...
The sentence "I'm not sure why I just said that, but it's too late to take it back now and it's not like Sam is ever going to need his phone again." I think this is a turning point for Ash, she's starting to slowly get over Sam, by offering his old phone to Luke, so the part "...it's not like Sam is ever going to need his phone again.", should be it's own sentence, it makes a bigger impact as the reader realizes that she's talking about Sam's phone.
CHAPTER 3
There's a sentence near the beginning- "And that's what has me confused, why does he?". It sounds a bit strange to me. I think it sounds better if you take off that last part "why does he?".
I'm also somewhat worried about why Liam was in the bathroom WITH Ash, while she was washing her hands, anyway. The door would have been locked, right...?
"...my problem is invariably solved." Is 'invariably' the best adjective here? I think irrevocably, undeniably, or inescapably would be better.
I really like Grace's character, even though her appearance is short. It's always the smaller characters that see real to me.
My reaction to read that she had a brother named Seth was...pretty interesting. Why wasn't this revealed earlier? And it sounds like she had a good relationship with him, too. Unless I just missed it?
I think I'm going to go reread...
Anyway, Ash says that Grace's neighbor found her, but that Grace's mother was going through her bag. I'm a bit confused here, because I don't know if her neighbor called Grace's mum, or her neighbor found Grace AND her mum. Sorry if you think this is a stupid question, I'm really picky about details. I'm crazy. I know.

"...and from then it on it just got worse and worse." I would try to avoid descriptions like that. You've got a fairly good narrative going so far, most of the time, but "worse and worse" sounds very boring and fairly vague to boot. Just saying it got worse would be enough, but if you want to emphasize progression, you could say "progressively worse", or simply focus on describing *how* it got worse. By this point the reader already has some inkling of what's going on, but I for one am itching to know *what* that something is, specifically. I want the narrator to quit complaining and explain her problem.

By the time I get to the end of the description about her reading Sam's letter and the little notes he's left around their place, my last statement stands, but with that much more emphasis. She's been telling the readers how abysmal the gaping black pit of her life is for three pages, saying the same things multiple times "I can't make attachments, people die around me, I am everyone's doom, etc." but it's still the same things for the most part, and she still hasn't *explained* anything. How is she "causing" these deaths, or why is she blaming herself?

You mentioned that your first chapter is long, but that it's necessary; this far in, I'm inclined to disagree with you at least partially. You may well need to cover a certain amount of information, sure, but I don't think you need nearly this many words to do it. Work on condensing what you have. Focus the best of it (I think the little marks Sam left around for after he was gone were very touching, for instance), but cut back some of the doom and gloom so that it doesn't get repetetive. There are far too many first person narratives out there already where all it is is the narrator wallowing in a dark abyss (I'm not accusing your entire story of that, but so far it's been a lot of that, and however true that is to her character, you can still edit it some to keep it moving forward).

Reviewing this as I go along, since there's a lot of information stuffed in and I don't want to get mixed up. I've gotten to the mention of Nate's death and how she blames herself there. Good progress as far as giving another explanation of a death, but so far it isn't solidifying *my* belief that these are her fault. She seems like a person inclined toward depression and self-blame still.

There are a few grammatical/technical issues. Back when Luke cuts his hand and he says "it'sokay really, just sit down for a second," you should captialize the 'I' in 'it's' because that's the beginning of his dialogue sentence, and later, at Nate's funeral, when it goes - "We went to school together" Sam answered. - it ought to have a comma after "together", but I assume these are typos, since you get them right most of the time. (Although right after that "We went to school together" bit there are several bits of dialogue in a row that have that missing comma.)

Alright, so I've made it to the end, and I definitely think you should try to edit this down where you can. It's not badly written, but it's very difficult to get into (at least for me). The narrator doesn't jump out at me as particularly interesting; so far she seems to be one more depressed woman blaming herself for things she didn't do and rattling on about her life. There are strong points in the narrative, but they feel stretched out by long, mixed in interludes that don't all necessarily seem to add a bunch to the story.

None of the characters, except perhaps Sam, jump out at me and make me think - Hey, yeah, I really *like* this person, they're awesome, they make sense, I want to know more about them, etc. - and it's vital that you get that feeling instilled in your readers in your first chapter because it's your opening. It needs to have a hook. To me, it doesn't feel like it has that, and it might well get a lot better, but if this were a novel in the library I doubt I would give it that chance. (Sorry, trying to be honest without being brutal; I'm really *not* saying it's bad and obviously a lot of your readers can connect to it better than I can, but I'm not feeling it.)

Good luck with your progression through it, in any case. :)

- Moonstar

Well, first I should warn you: this will be a long review. I tend to write review points in a notebook, and I have a full page worth :)
The emails- I read them, thinking it was a flashback, and it took me a few minutes to realize it was happening in the present. Possibly this is just because I'm an idiot, but maybe make it a tad clearer?
I was also a bit confused at the flashback of Nate's death; I thought the people Ash was close to died mysteriously and without cause? But Nate was killed by the people who were harassing Ash, because he was protecting her.
As a side note, how did she finish her beer in a few sips? I'd imagine there would be a bit more in the bottle.
Also, in this email:
"To: luke
From: asha
Subject: Music
Lots of stuff, Stereophonics at the moment.
I don't tell him what song."
I noticed that the "I don't tell him what song." part didn't have a line separating it from the the email, which bugs me a bit because the other parts like that are separated by a line.
By the way, I love her name, Asha, it's very original. I assumed her full name was Ashley at first, so it was a pleasant surprise.
"I didn't think it would matter anyway, because who would miss me." I think a question mark is needed here- "...who would miss me?"
The line "Mostly, I think it should be me who's the one dying." This line seems a bit odd to me- I think it should be something like: "Mostly, I think it should be me dying." It flows better.
The end, before the letter- "I read his words again, trying once more to find a reason or a way out of all of this." Is this talking about Luke's email, or Sam's letter?
I love your characters, they're so well developed. I especially love Nate, he seems so real to me, just his personality and everything about him :)
Just so you know, I'll probably be leaving more reviews in the future, I love your story!
-AThousandPromises

Probably should have mentioned it a couple of chapters ago but her alcohol consumption is worrisome.
Does she take the blame for everything that happens to people or just their deaths
Great chapter. I'm becoming more comfortable with your flashbacks

One thing I forgot to mention is that I really like the bolded part at the beginning of each chapter that includes the number of the chapter. I think it's very neat.

Ooh! I like how Ash says music is her escape, and since Luke is in a band, it's like they're made for each other.

[Selena was my mum's sister. She had already lost both her parents many years ago and when I was born she also lost her sister.] This line read weirdly because Ash's is speaking in so distant terms. Especially the "she had already lost both her parents part"—why can't Ash just say, "my grandparents died when she was young" or even "she and my mum lost both their parents…" because the way it reads now, it doesn't sound like Selena is Ash's aunt.

Also (unless I missed something saying Ash was not originally from the US or you're not referring to Boston, MA) people in the US call their mothers "mom," so you might change that for authenticity's sake. ;)

Oh wow, Selena too? Like with Grace's story, I think you do a great job building these sweet friendship Sam has and then making something bizarre but completely believable happen to ruin it.

Email exchange with Luke is very nice too- and funny.

Opening: I feel the opening sentences are a little too wordy to get the emotional aspect out. Not wordy as in tangental, jumping ideas but wordy as in dragging a single idea. It doesn't particularly help the crazy image. On the other hand, I love how you wrapped this around the quote. You've got me thinking crazy eights now. :)

Spelling/grammar: [I feel like I'm going crazy, really going crazy.] - I think the pause there needs to be firmer than a comma.

[A million thoughts and one single question – why am I letting myself feel this?] - I'm no good with dashes, but that seems like a colon spot to me.

[I just think in the end, I would rather risk being hurt than feel nothing] - there should be a pause after "think".

There's more of those. Sometimes it helps to read/think out loud, to get a feel of the impact of those pauses.

[say hi to me ] - shouldn't that be in quotation marks.

Speaking of, I have a question. Were you taught to use '...' or "..." in dialogue back at school? I thought you were using '...' before.

Ending: I really like it actually. The uncertainty and emotion woven in it is simply marvelous. And the theme of feeling pain or nothing is commonly explored, but this shows a good sense of strong character; it's typically easier to feel nothing, but at the same time it also shows a sense of recklessness. And to capture that and more into just two lines is...magnificent.

Writing: I think you've done a subtle change over the chapters because this chapter feels far more emotional than your previous one. Considering how the story develops though, it's a fitting change and you've done it well, developing the narrator as a narrator as well as a character actively involved with the plot.

Wonderful description of Luke playing and singing. I loved this line. "It's hard to believe that a combination of sound and silence can have such an effect on you. But it can." because the silence or breaks is just as important as the notes. Aside from the great tragedy and the reinforcement of her feeling about inviting death, it's just a shame about Selena because Ash needed her. Luke can sing and cook? And is good-looking? I really hope she doesn't bring on his demise

[I see leaning against the wall are three guitars; electric and acoustic.] a semicolon separates two independent clauses, this should be a colon or a comma

Homigosh, this chapter ended on such a sad note. I too, was taken by surprise by the cause of Grace’s death. I thought you depicted the setup really well. It’s the perfect kind of setup where Ash could feel completely guilty and responsible even though it’s not her fault.

I also thought you did well in portraying Liam as a douchebag—albeit, a dangerous one since he seems to know more than anyone about Ash’s secret.

Also, I hated Mike—he annoyed me so much even though he only appeared briefly, so good job with portraying the bully and everything.

Again, the one thing I can’t buy is how Ash is so antisocial and shy as she put it, which makes sense because of her history, but then all these guys go out of their way to chase after her and the only people who bully her are sleazebags anyway. Unless Adam, Sam, and Luke all have a fetish for damsels in distress, I’d think that there are other nice, social girls for them to go after.

So sad. The slow reveal about Grace was really good, almost Miss Marple-ish. Poor Ash attracts creeps almost as much as she does death-the men who beat up Nate, Mike, Liam. I'm a little curious why great guys like Sam, Adam and Luke are attracted to her if she's so dour...unless she's drop-dead gorgeous, which she doesn't say and no one has ever said about her. Because we know "You're so beautiful" just before sex doesn't count

Hey there! (I love your avatar by the way)

[He smiles in response and says "cool, yeah…] I noticed this a lot—when your characters are speaking, the first word in their dialogue should be capitalized so this should be {and says, "Cool, yeah…}

["Shit" I say without thinking.] All quotations should end with a comma if it has a speaker tag attached. This, for example, should be {"shit," I say…}

So the only thing that stuck out at me as something that needs to be edited is how you punctuate dialogue. It's not a major thing, but it's distracting.

I do really enjoyed reading about Ash's old boyfriends and her current situation with Luke. I thought all the stories were really sweet and really well done. I also thought it was neat that you right about Ash and Luke in present tense and Adam and Sam in past tense because it makes a lot of sense—and I think you do both really well.

I like the scene with the fish—I thought it was so sweet of Luke to get a new fish to replace the old after seeing how distraught Ash is. One thing I'd like to see is how Ash attracts these totally sweet guys though. I know that her internal monologue is angsty, but I'd imagine that she's fun and normal enough on the outside to have two guys fall in love with her and a third on the way.

Merle

Apparently I completely forgot to read this chapter. And the next one still made sense. Go figure. :)

Opening: I wonder if "fact" is really the right word to use there. I think feature is more appropriate. Fact makes it set in stone, something that's been empirically proven. It's rather impersonal for the context. Other than that, I like the "grass is greener on the other side" approach. And how you talk about wishes - I wonder, what do you think about the different definitions of happiness?

Spelling/grammar: [Of course now I've been forced...] - "Of course, now that I've been forced..."

[They told me that they died instantly.] - Could you write that "I was told they died instantly." Having two "theys" gets a little confusing, and on top of that the first one gets a little more personal than you want it to be in the situation.

[all of those email conversations we've had, suddenly become real life] - don't need the comma.

I think that was it. I tend to be able to pick out less in longer chapters though, so I'm sorry if I've missed anything. No doubt someone else will catch it. :)

Pacing: As far as pacing goes, I think this particular chapter, unlike your others, had more things going on in it than it should have. i think it would be possible to just space it out a little, rearrange a few things and separate them into two. For example, you normally link your first and last scenes, but that hasn't been done particularly well here.

Ending: I already mentioned it didn't link back to the beginning like it normally does. Apart from that, I like the gentle uncertainty that surrounds that final few paragraphs. The normalcy. The candlelight approach of sorts, illuminating a small part and leaving the rest in darkness.